Forgive me for not telling you my name. I am writing this with all young, unmarried Christians (and non-Christians) in mind. It's also for parents who married the person who became their first love sexu­ally after the ceremony. Some his­tory: I'm a young, Reformed, Christian male, I have always attended church, I'm single, and sadly, not a virgin. It is because of this fact that I have felt the need to write this paper. After all, in Psalm 51:13, after his sexual sin with Bathsheba, David asks God for forgiveness and says "then I will teach others your ways, and sinners will turn back to you." I am not one of your ministers, elders, or parents telling you not to have sex before marriage, nor am I someone who is speaking from a theoretical point of view.

The topic of premarital sex is too often a taboo subject in our Christian circles because it isn't easy to speak of or read about. It also isn't spoken of enough from a practical point of view. I am hearing far more often than ever of young, unmarried Christian couples engaging in premarital sex. God is not just keeping us from having fun. He has good reasons for telling us not to have sex before marriage. I know this because I've learned the hard way. Sex is often compared to a fire. When contained in a fireplace, it is warm, enchanting, and beautiful, providing heat and light. But outside of the fireplace it can destroy a home. In this way sex also can damage a life and destroy what should have been beautiful. Satan has always used sex to destroy people because it is the highest form of physical love God has created for a husband and wife to share with one another.

In this article we will look at pre­marital sex from a Biblical perspective, its psychological and physical impacts, its spiritual con­sequences, and finally some escape routes and God's forgiveness for this particular sin.

What God Says⤒🔗

God created the institution of marriage as a union between one man and one woman only, regard­less of what the secular world has to say. Marriage is one of the old­est institutions on earth, estab­lished in Genesis 2 when God saw that "it is not good for man to be alone" (v. 18) and said, "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (v. 24). Men and women were created by God for each other, giving each a complimentary physique for a sexual union. Notice here that in verse 24, a man first leaves his parents, then is united (married) to his wife, and then they become one flesh (which includes joining in sexual union). Of course becoming "one flesh" means more than just sex but in this context we will look at it only in its sexual sense. In the beginning of the Bible and at the dawn of time, God established the order in which marriage and sex should happen. Marriage first, sex second. Going outside of God's order is asking for trouble.

Some have and do argue that this is simply Old Testament thinking, and that the coming of Christ changed many things (eating of specific foods, etc.). The Bible however tells a different story. Hebrews 13:4 say, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." 1 Corinthians 6:13 says, "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." Many other passages throughout the New Testament demonstrate how premarital sex, fornication, sexual immorality, are forbidden by God. Premarital sex is prohib­ited throughout the Bible, a period of roughly 4,500 years. If nothing has changed during those 4.5 millennia, I doubt that God has changed his mind.

Sex before marriage is wrong according to God's Word, and there are consequences for ignor­ing his warnings. Proverbs 7 explains the fruit of a sexually promiscuous lifestyle. In this chapter, Solomon writes about a young man who visits a married woman "dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent" (vs. 10b). Now this could be about a young woman who falls to the advances of a man as well, it really doesn't matter. But God is clear about what happens to those who fall to the vices of the sexually immoral. "With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose, till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life" (vs. 21-23). Remember then that God wants to keep us not only from some dis­ease or heartbreak, but from death itself when he tells us to keep our­selves from premarital sex. The fact that unrepentant sexual immorality will cost us our very lives is further emphasized in Proverbs 7:26-27: "Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death."

Yet in spite of all these things, we must never forget that through our Lord Jesus Christ there is for­giveness for sins, sexual sin included. In John 8: 1-11 the Pharisees bring a woman to Jesus, a candidate for stoning, because she had committed adultery. While Jesus does not condone her sin, he responds to the Pharisees by saying "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7). Jesus Christ, the Son of God, fully God with the Father, God of the Old Testament, does not condemn this adulterous woman for her sin.

He doesn't order her stoned as the Old Testament law required. The sin is still severe, and in the end if it goes unrepented it will still lead to death. But when the Pharisees leave, not having condemned her, Jesus' words to this sexually immoral woman are "Then neither do I condemn you ... go now and leave your life of sin."

Psychological Impact←⤒🔗

Despite God's clear warnings and instructions covenant young people continue to fall into this temptation. Today's culture is clearly no help. Let's face it. Fornication and adultery are actively promoted on television and in magazines as the norm. It seems that everyone in the world is doing it, so why not you? If you aren't living like this there must be something wrong with you. There is even a fear in public high schools that if you're not "doing it" you won't be accepted. The pressure to think about and engage in sex is pervasive.

However, the message promoted by the secular media about sex is a lie. Let me tell you about some I have heard from others or experienced on my own. There are memories you will never forget. Try as you might you will not forget those other women or men you have been with sexually, and you will recall vivid memories. Now this is distressing for any number of reasons, but particularly after you or they have married someone else. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This includes memories of a desirous nature. This causes stress, anxiety, and guilt. The only person one can ever look at or think of in this way is one's wife or husband. I see these memories and their torments as part of the psychological impact one faces from premarital sex.

Another effect is that of loneli­ness and emptiness during and after a casual sexual relationship. It is rare for someone to sleep with another person and not care when that relationship is over. First, during such a relationship, unless both people give themselves com­pletely during sex someone is going to feel empty immediately. This is true for both men and women. There is no more lonely or empty feeling than when you have given yourself completely to someone and not received the same in return. This is what occurs in an unmarried, sexual relationship. I'm not saying it never occurs when you're married because I'm sure it can occur there as well. But that's not the point. The point is that the possibility of it occurring in a solid, God-centered marriage is a lot less likely and will always be more fulfilling. Don't forget that men and women approach sex differently, and men, I'm writing this part especially for you. Sex isn't just the feeling you get in your loins. Sex involves the fact that you will never be closer physically to someone. This is love, not just sex. Men approach sex from a much more physical and visual standpoint than women do. Women are far more emotion­al when it comes to sex. This is why it is often said that men will use love to get sex while women use sex to get love. In his book Reforming Marriage, Douglas Wilson says that men who sleep around simply cannot control themselves or their lusts. Women on the other hand are, for the most part, often yearning for masculine attention or any form of love shown by a man. This is usually due to absent or emotionally unat­tached fathers (p. 92). This is a sad commentary on how people today view love. When there are no vows made before God, sex is simply recreational. And also remember this: a part of you is left behind after each sexual encounter. This also empties you of many feelings that should have been reserved for someone who really deserves them or for yourself.

You can control yourselves sexually by training your mind to follow the Lord. In Colossians 3:2 we are called to "set our minds on things above, not on earthly things." And James tells us that "blessed is the man (or woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12). When we set our minds on things above and focus on holding onto the hand of our Heavenly Father, we will be able to persevere under all trials, even premarital sex and its memories.

Physical Consequences←⤒🔗

Not only are there psychological consequences, there are physical consequences as well. Thankfully, God has spared me from any physical afflictions from sex. For my immigrant visa I was tested for HIV. It was the scariest day of my life and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders when the result was negative. Sex is not worth your life. It is better to be celibate than to risk it for one night. AIDS is still a disease experienced most by gay men and intravenous drug users, regardless of what the homosexual community says. However, as long as heterosexuals continue their promiscuous ways, the AIDS virus will continue its rapid rise among that segment of the population. There are numerous other sexually-related diseases. Remember this as well when you are tempted to engage in illicit sex. It may save you from much physical suf­fering.

Disease is not the only concern. Pregnancy is a very real possibility. God controls the womb. No matter what modern science, Planned Parenthood, or any other birth control advocate says, God decides when pregnancy occurs. This is not a commentary on birth control. I'm simply pointing out that God is more powerful than the pill, condoms, or any other form of birth control.

Suddenly there aren't two people involved, there are three. "Shotgun marriages" have never been the answer to this problem and they often can result in more sin later (divorce, abuse, etc.).

Adoption is no longer as fre­quently used as more young, unmarried women keep their babies. Talk to any single mother about getting a good job, furthering her education, raising a child on her own, or just getting a date and most often you will hear distressing stories about living in a near state of poverty, limited work prospects, being over­whelmed, and suffering loneliness. It takes a special man to be a father to a child who is not bio­logically his by showing no favoritism, loving him as his own, etc.

There is also the temptation to abort the unborn child. Just because you are a Christian does not mean that this temptation won't cross your mind. What may seem "discreet and between you and your doctor" as the abortion industry tells us is still known to God and the consequences are severe.

One of my dearest Christian friends became pregnant on an extended world tour. She found out far from home and told me that as horrifying as it was, the thought of abortion crossed her mind. She immediately put that idea out of her head but she noted that the immense weight of that temptation was amazing.

Unexpected pregnancies cause incredible stress and anguish. Abortion is the ultimate evil which results from premarital sex. The sin of two unmarried people crossing outside of God's boundaries on sex is not the fault of an innocent child. As said earlier, Satan knows how to destroy something which God made for beauty and enjoyment.

Spiritual Consequences←⤒🔗

Christians who engage in pre­marital sex will know, even during sex, that what they are doing is wrong. Even though you realize this, lust will not allow you to stop. Committing a sin consciously against God is a sin of commission, one willingly committed. As I have experienced, doing this can leave your body physically aching due to guilt. You get on your knees and ask God to forgive you, but all of us are different and some of us tend to continue to dwell on our previously forgiven sins, which is in effect saying to God that the sacrifice of his Son was not enough. Can you see the cycle of sin you can get into? Premarital sex isn't an easy sin to resist and you can fall into a cycle of sin-confess-sin-confess quite quickly. You can't go against your conscience for long before your guilt overpowers you, or your conscience becomes dulled to the point of uselessness.

Anxiety not only results in mental anguish but physical pain as well. There are times when spiritual troubles directly cause physical infirmities. I know how this routine goes first hand. I've experienced a knotted stomach, shortness of breath, fatigue, depression, and a number of other physical difficulties, all of which stemmed from living out of sync with God. Premarital sex was a large part of that period of my life. Please believe me when I tell you these things. I'm not exaggerating. In fact, words do not describe the physical and mental anguish I went through.

When we consciously sin against God, in essence we are siding with Satan who is laughing the entire time. Premarital sex does not serve God but rather his adversary, Satan. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, God tells us that we are never tempted beyond what we can endure. In fact, this verse tells us that God provides escape routes away from sin as well. Perhaps we give the devil too much credit. As can be seen in Job 1:9-12 and 2:4-6, Satan must work within God's guidelines when it comes to tempting us to turn from God. Our sin is our fault. God is always faithful to us even though we are not to him. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us that "he will never leave you nor forsake you." With this in mind, we need not fall into the temptations^-that face us. In spite of all these things, there are ways to avoid premarital sex as well as forgiveness and a way out from this sin.

Escape Routes and Forgiveness←⤒🔗

Prayer is the greatest aid in helping us resist temptations. Jesus taught us to pray "lead us not into temptation." Do we really pray this line fervently each day? God allows us to be tempted to strengthen our faith and also to test us. Spend time in prayer with God each day. Memorize Bible verses and keep them at the forefront of your mind. James 1:2­3 tells us to "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Consider it pure joy? In other words, we can glorify God even in our trials and temptations.

Something else which also will help us is the knowledge that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, was not only fully God but also fully man, enduring the same tempta­tions we do. Knowing this fact about Jesus, it is logical to assume that sexual temptation was around him too. He resisted and he gives us the strength to do so also. Notice too that Jesus had Biblical responses when Satan tempted him (see Matthew 4:1-11).

Knowing the Bible can help you rebuke the devil in the same way. After all, we are told to "resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7) The devil and temp­tations will run from us. But it takes work and a knowledge of God's Word.

Finally, remember that sexual sin, although often depicted as such in the past, is not the unforgivable sin. 1 John 1:9 says that "if we confess our sins, he is faith­ful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Too often we look at what C. S. Lewis describes in Mere Christianity as the sins of our Animal Self (sex) to be the worst of all while the sins of our Diabolical Self (spiritual sins, i.e. pride, hatred, etc.) are downplayed.

Conclusion←⤒🔗

It is my hope and prayer that all those who read this will be touched in one of two ways. First, I pray that through both the Biblical examples and my own experiences that all those who are unmarried will better understand why God forbids premarital sex. Second, I hope that it will cast a different light on those who have fallen into this temptation. Sin is sin. As humans we sometimes search for sins in others which are worse than those we commit daily ourselves. Since sex is more of an outward sin it is easy to attack. Yet God does forgive those who turn to him in true repentance. Some of the greatest leaders in the Bible, David being the prime example, were sexually impure, yet in spite of these things, David is called by God "a man after his own heart" (see 1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22).

If you have fallen into this temptation, seek after God in true repentance and faith. The Lord wants what's best for his people, so that we may be shining lights in this dark world. "Be happy young man while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment" (Ecclesiastes 11:9).