"Mikey LIKES it!" This is the surprising dis­covery of some children in a TV commercial. Sure he will reject a new cereal they haven't even tried, they give it to him, and have the shock of their lives: "Mikey LIKES it!" Some will be just as shocked when they find out some elders and ministers really enjoy family visiting. There are even members of the churches who feel good about this practice. Usually, the two are found together; enjoyment by the members is seldom if ever found where the elders and ministers involved find this a burden­some part of their duties.

As with many other good practices, it seems fami­ly visiting has become increasingly scarce; where it is still done, it is often not enjoyed nor appreciated. So many today do whatever is right in their own eyes, also as congregations and consistories. "Right" in this case means "pleasing" in our self-centered and pleasure-oriented way of life. In such a setting, people, as well as churches, DO NOT DO things which they should be doing.

An Official Duty⤒🔗

Where does family visiting fit in the overall life of the church? In every communion, it is expected that "the elders shall guard themselves and all the flock over which the Holy Spirit has made them overseers ... that they should be shepherds of the church of God." (Acts 20:28) Our Church Order's section on "Pastoral Care" is based on such teachings of Scrip­ture. It calls for family visiting in Article 65: "The minister of the Word and the elders shall conduct annual home visitation, and faithfully visit the sick, the distressed, the shut-ins, and the erring." There is to be a follow-up on this when the Church Visitors come to the consistory each year, for questions are asked about the work of the elders and the minister, and these direct attention to this requirement as both are asked about their involvement in family visiting. It is a part of our rich heritage as Reformed Christians.

History←⤒🔗

According to reputable church historians, pastor­al care received an important emphasis in the early church. Something like family visiting was carried on as a part of church's life in the time right after the apostolic era. Augustine is said to have felt bad about the fact that he did not spend more time in specifically pastoral relationships with the people he served. In the dark ages, when the church sank into near-oblivion, the concept of the confessional as a pastoral tool came to the foreground, and is still being used today.

With the restoration of the offices in the church at the time of the Reformation, Calvin provided real leadership. In Geneva, the members of the con­gregation were visited by the elders before each observance of the Lord's Supper. This meant four family visits per year for each family! Churches in the Reformed family have held, at least on paper, that this kind of pastoral care is not only valid, but necessary.

Purpose←⤒🔗

The purpose of such visits is to encourage the members in Christian living, strengthen weak­nesses in their lives, to admonish members about shortcomings, and in these ways to strengthen the church. Here the elders have their hand on the pulse of the church. There is no better way, I believe, for them to know which applications of the Word from the pulpit are most needed. The elders are those who are finally responsible for the preaching of the Word (a responsibility often neither acknowledged nor carried out). For that reason, family visiting can be seen by elders not only as a duty, but also as a valuable resource in their work of overseeing the minister's preaching.

With these aims in mind, we should have no trou­ble seeing family visiting as an important work, as well as one which can prove invaluable to both mem­bers and elders. It surely is part of a long and rich heritage which we have received from the Lord in His providence. It should receive our best attention and efforts. If reports we hear all around us are true, this work is being neglected on every hand.

Objections←⤒🔗

There have always been standard objections to the practice. Some of these are that family visiting makes liars and hypocrites out of people, because they know what is expected of them in way of responses, and they will give these, regardless of the true situation in their lives. Others say, when the elders know we're doing all the normal things, nothing unusual is going on in our lives, why should they come back time after time to ask about the same things? Still others betray an attitude when they ask "Who are these men to come into our homes, ask us about very private matters, then pre­sume to offer us advice?" Add to these the facts that the elders themselves are ordinary persons, and that in the life of the church there are individuals whose aberrations are known to many, and who should be getting pastoral attention. And there is always the voice which complains, "It was just a social call – I could have spent my time more prof­itably in another way."

No one should deny that family visiting has not al­ways enjoyed a good reputation among our members. Sometimes this has been with good reason. It is not always done faithfully, nor well. Where this is, so, WE must be the ones to change things! Let us make it meaningful, and a real and spiritually enjoy­able experience! No one makes people liars and hyp­ocrites by coming into their home – if those titles fit someone, they were true before the visit. It's true, too, that when it is poorly conducted, family visiting may resemble an inquisition; done without imagina­tion and in a mechanical way, it will mean the same questions are asked year after year. If elders do not know how, nor dare to go about their work in the right way, they can take the easy way out and the visit will be just a social call.

Corrective Steps←⤒🔗

Let us not be intimidated by all these objections, nor the cynical attitude which often is present! We can all always improve in all of our work. With God's help we can have a good understanding of the pur­pose and objectives of our visits, and using the very best resources, including a very large dose of com­mon sense, change the entire picture. Since the church has long continued to say quietly and firmly that this is a good practice and one to be kept up, let all of us give ourselves to top-notch performance which will produce results in attitudes and in the specific things we desire. A few suggestions follow.

Knowing we face the built-in problems mentioned, let us begin by having the positive awareness that we are about the work of our Lord. Our work is that of tending, feeding, exercising oversight for the benefits of the souls for whom we will one day give account. When we keep this in mind, we will want to give of ourselves in the best possible ways.

Even such a practice as publishing the schedule of family visiting is helpful. It tells the members the work is being carried on; they can pray for its suc­cess. Planning should involve not only scheduling, but the elders should take the time to consult together concerning each visit which is projected; when they do this, they can help one another in knowing which things need attention and what strengths and weaknesses are characteristic of a given family, and in this way they are able to give truly individual care to each family, and also to in­dividual members. (As a spin-off of family visiting, many of us conduct "youth conferences" in the sum­mer, in which we meet with the young people, possi­bly high school seniors and older, in brief meetings which are more informal but do communicate our concern for them individually and at the same time give them opportunity to inform us of their cares, concerns and dreams in a setting in which they are comfortable.)

With as much preparation as possible behind them, the elders will do well to begin their meeting with reading the Scripture. This automatically provides an appropriate starting-point, avoids extending opening pleasantries beyond normal limits, and directs everyone's attention to the Word at the out­set. Prayer may then be offered. Many consistories will agree on a Scripture passage and also a topic for the visits. While I have heard objections to this prac­tice, I do not know of any who have used this method and then discarded it. It reveals planning and con­cern without taking away the ability to address specific needs. It does remove the objection which a person or family might raise, that the elders or min­ister chose a certain passage just to read to them for some real or imagined reason. Using this method will provide a healthy uniformity without senseless conformity.

It is usually wise to direct attention first to the younger members of the family who may be present, so that they realize immediately that they are an im­portant part of the family for whom you have con­cern. Also, every opportunity for any members of the family to bring up their concerns should be given at each visit. It is possible that problems of larger dimensions may come up, and the elders should never hesitate to offer to spend some time in a separate meeting for the discussion or resolution of such matters. That is also more desirable than spending an undue amount of time in one home to the disruption of the published schedule. Though it seems a small matter, punctuality is a virtue and is much appreciated by those who anticipate the visit.

Whatever the case, whatever the attitude of the persons being visited, the elders should communicate by their attitudes and the way they go about the visit, that they desire to be of service to each family and every individual. Allowing opportunity for the members to raise any concerns they may have, contributes greatly to getting across this message of service to the family. Some fear it means opening a Pandora's box to invite people to bring up their concerns. The way things are handled will determine to a great extent which concerns are real­ly deep-seated and in need of further attention. In any event, the family will feel a greater closeness to the elders if they realize they have the freedom to speak what is on their minds and hearts.

When the visit can be completed, one of the elders should offer a brief prayer, commending the family to the Lord's continuing care. So another visit in the continuing practice which is part of our inheritance from our spiritual forefathers will be concluded. Elders may wish to make brief notes after each visit so that when reported later, they need not trust to their memory alone, especially after making several visits in a relatively short period of time between elders' meetings.

In conclusion, I believe family visiting has great possibilities for the present and future well-being of the families involved. This practice should get its just due, for it requires the best of our time and abilities. Not only is it demanding work, but it is also rewarding work. We can best improve it, in my opin­ion, as we keep learning from one another, take counsel together as elders, and pledge ourselves anew to carrying out this part of our responsibilities in such a way that we can say "We do" whenever anyone asks: "Who likes family visiting?"