This time I want to write something about parents and concentrate on the relationship they have to children.

First, let us be convinced that it is a blessing to be parents! Psalm 127:3 teaches that "children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward." Children, therefore, are the visible proof that the LORD is pleased to continue His promises to us from generation to generation. The LORD wants to perpetuate His covenant activities with us. And the LORD gives us children for this reason. They are a gift and a reward from Him.

The world does not see it this way. Certainly, there are devoted parents out there who treasure their children. We thank God for them! But, sad to say, children are often considered an "accident," and consequently a burden and a threat to financial security, or as contributing to the world's overpopulation.

One of the greatest dilemmas which the world faces today, besides the cry for equal rights, is the cry of unwanted, unloved and often abused children! Many people do not know what to do with them, and how to cope with them, and therefore they often have one easy, but awful solu­tion: "Abort them before they are born!"

Whereas the Bible says that children are a blessing and a gift from God, man often disagrees and calls them a curse! And, this disagreement with the Bible is sometimes also heard in the church! Those who do take the Bible seriously will not entertain thoughts of abortion. The killing of defenceless human beings in the womb of their mothers might be an easy and rational solution for some. But it has already proven to have its down-side. There are many young women out there with an enormous guilt-complex for which the world does not have an easy and rational solution. Therefore, anyone with a healthy respect for sin and guilt, and a proper reverence for God and His gifts would be horrified to even consider abortion!

But to consider children as a heritage of the LORD, and a reward and gift from Him? Even some Christians are beginning to have second thoughts about that! Sure, ask those childless couples in church what they think about children, and you will undoubtedly get to hear it from them "Yes, children would be a great blessing!" And you can hear the sadness in their voices when they confess that they feel that the LORD has withheld this blessing from them. Sure, ask the young married couples whose arms are yearning just to rock and cradle their own child. They will say it with a touch of longing in their voice, "Yes, a child would be such a great blessing for us!"

Thankfully, many couples who have received the gift of new life are thrilled with what they see in their children. They rejoice with them and in them, and they seem to reach higher levels of maturity through them. God be praised for such parents!

However, there are also some couples in church who have received but who cannot so heartily and convincingly sing: "Lo children are a great reward. A gift from God in very truth. With arrows in his quiver stored. Who joys in children of his youth." (Pst. 359:3) It appears that the world has sown a few sour notes in their tune! Their attitude towards children is rather flat: "We will tolerate children if the LORD gives them to us; we will do our best to do what is right with them, as long as the LORD does not give us too many of them. We will accept them and care for them and love them, but a positive blessing and a gift from the LORD – well, we are not sure if we can speak and sing that excitedly about children!"

Also in church an alarming number of young couples prefer to go childless for a while, so that careers will not get messed-up, or the house or car can be paid off! "Children, oh yes, they are a blessing, but we'll have our blessing when we are ready!" But have you ever thought that then the LORD might not be willing to give that blessing because you proved yourself not "ready" at the beginning? I leave it for your prayerful and serious consideration. Remember, never put off having children for selfish, sinful reasons. If you do, you are giving way to the influence of the world which has begun to deny that children are a blessing of the LORD.

But now I must go a step further. What about the couples who have one or more children, but who at a certain moment say: "that's enough, no more!"? Be careful how you say that! Consider what the Bible says: "Children are a heritage," a blessing, a gift from the LORD! Are you saying it because you feel overwhelmed with these great blessings and gifts from the LORD? Are you saying: "That's enough," in the spirit of the Psalmist of 116 who exclaimed in rapture: "What shall I render unto the LORD for all His benefits towards me?" Maybe you do not mean to say "That's enough" in that way! You mean by it that you just don't want any more children.

But may you say this to the LORD with respect to His blessings and gifts? I dare say you cannot say this to the LORD! Be­cause, when you say it in that way, you are saying it for selfish reasons. Perhaps you want to get ahead first, so more children would be a hindrance!

But must we then act irresponsibly, and say: "Well, if children come, they come," while in the meantime we dread the thought of another child on its way? Also that could be sinful, because also then children are no longer considered a bless­ing and a gift from the LORD, but a threat to our sanity!

We are called Calvinists. Which means that we hold to God's sovereignty, but also to man's responsibility! Therefore we must act responsibly before the LORD also with respect to our marriage, and in particular, with respect to having children!

Let me quote a few lines from a book by W.G. de Vries, which is generally well respected in our circles, entitled Marriage in Honour (Paideia Press, St. Catharines, ON).

When the LORD says, be fruitful, does this mean that man must multiply thoughtlessly? Should married life be a constant endeavour to reproduce? The gift of fertility is bound to marriage. Responsible human beings are thoroughly involved in this. (p.133)

In this connection I want to say some­thing about family-planning. I use this term for lack of a better term, while at the same time realizing the implications of Hebrews 6:3 … "And this will we do, if God permit." Family-planning under the supervision and by the permission of God should have a place in our Christian families!

Again let me quote de Vries: "Family-planning is based on the desire to have an optimum number of children – as many as possible, taking into account the health of the mother, the possibilities of the family, and one's responsibility to the LORD." (p.137) "The frequency and number of births in a marriage do not lie outside our own responsibility." (p.156) As parents we must act responsibly before the LORD also in respect to our marriage and the number of children. The health of the mother especially, and the capabilities of us as parents, play a key role in family planning.

I leave it to your prayerful, serious consideration. Please refer to the above-mentioned book as to how responsible, God honouring family-planning may be realized. I am addressing the consciences of husbands and wives to seek light from the Word of God to make it a vital matter of prayer. Struggle with this issue, but never lose sight of the fact that children are a heritage and a blessing of the LORD. Perhaps there will come a time when you have to pray: "LORD, our measure is full; show us the way!" This is better than saying: "This is enough, no more!"

Another principle which we may receive from the Bible is that it takes skill and effort to be parents! Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go…" This will require much work, more than many of us are willing to admit. This is why our young people, who one day hope to become good parents, must be encouraged to do well in school; that they get themselves a broad education, and if possible a Christian education! They must be given to understand that going to school for a good education is not only necessary for a stable future in the working world, but also necessary so that, one day, they may be parents with necessary multiple talents! This is true for the young man, but no less for the young woman!

Young ladies, even if you have no inclination for a career in society but plan to get married and hopefully raise a family someday, a good, broad and Christian education is very important! Becoming a parent, and especially a mother, requires many talents which may be cultivated through good education. Being a mother at home is certainly a demanding and a talent-requiring career! Someone once said that a mother has to be a physician, a nurse, a psychologist, a teacher, a minister, a cook, a policeman and a fashion coordinator sometimes all at the same time. Now, that takes some talent!

Mothers! Let no one tell you that training your children is not a career. It is a full-time career, sometimes 24 hours a day! Your talents are utilized even before your child is born. You know that you must take good care of your health, because it will affect the health of your child. This means also that you must take care of your spiritual health! You know that your disposition, your character, your moods, and your habits will affect the child which you are carrying. Your love and devotion to the LORD, and your prayer life are crucial for your unborn child. You must be a priestess for that little bundle of life, always commending it to the care of the LORD, that your child may develop well and that it may very early fear and love the LORD.

Mothers, you are the closest link between your unborn child and the LORD! Expecting mothers, and you who one day hope to be expecting mothers, what opportunities you have for doing well for your child! What talents you may now already employ even before your child is born!

Take Hannah as your example. She was mighty in prayer long before her child Samuel was born! Take Elizabeth as your example. She communicated with the LORD about her child! Or Mary, the mother of Jesus: God-fearing mothering began long before the Child was born! It takes God-given talents to be parents.

The Bible says: "Train up a child in the way he should go." If you have a refer­ence Bible, you will find that to "train up" also means to ask questions and draw out answers; to instruct by word and example. Literally it means to teach "by repeating after me." Parents, it will require all your God-given talents to train-up your child with the goal in mind that your child will come to know and serve the LORD.

There is more to be said about the word "train up." The Jews in Old Testament times used this word also to mean "dedicate." This is what Solomon did with his beautiful temple. He dedicated it to the LORD. He trained it up for the LORD. That's also the work of parents: it takes dedication to train up children!

Your goal should be that your children come to fear and serve the LORD! That's what Hannah did with her young child Samuel; she dedicated him to the LORD, and one day she could return him to the LORD so that the child Samuel could be active in the LORD's service!

Parents, have you already understood your role as a process of dedicating your child to the LORD? From an early age, even before birth, have you been praying for your child and then gradually praying with your child and speaking with your child about the things of the LORD?

Most mothers have a natural talent for speaking about the things of the LORD in a very simple, tender, loving way, during the most impressionable time in the life of their young children. Mothers, do not let those precious moments escape from you. They will fly by fast enough and will never return for your child. Later on in life you will wish you could have them back again!

Fathers, of course, you too come into the picture, as your child begins to grow. It can be said that fathers are the helpers fitting for their wives in dedicating themselves to their children. Fathers, do you speak to your children? Do you communicate with them from an early age into the teenage years and beyond? Do you communicate with them about the things of life, but also about the things of the LORD? You must always speak positively about these things. Do not let your children hear your criticisms of the LORD's ways, the LORD's service, or the LORD's servants! Children have a natural habit of closing their minds when you are lecturing them about this or that, but it seems they always have their ears and their mind wide open when they hear you criticize the LORD and His service. If you are not careful, before long they will join you and even go beyond you in their criticism.

Many children have been lost to the church, because parents, especially fathers, have not spoken often enough and positively enough about the LORD and His service! It is hard for me to write this and a painful reality, but many young people have turned away from the church because they have grown-up and they have been trained up by a father who was quick to criticise a minister, sermons or office bearers. Those young people know nothing else but that the church cannot be trusted and that many church people are hypocrites! How often one hears this excuse from people who have left the church and gone out into the world!

Fathers especially, may I urge you, for the sake of your children, that you speak often with your children about the LORD and His ways! Start at an early age. The mother, your wife, will show you how to speak "simply" to your children! Always speak positively, never critically about the things of the LORD and His service! That takes talent. It is true, sometimes you have good reason to be critical of a minister, a sermon, or an office bearer, but such criticism is not material to use to in­struct your children!

Also, parents, remember that children generally learn more from seeing than from hearing! By nature children learn more by the eye than by the ear! By nature children will more easily imitate what you do, than obey what you tell them. It will take all your God-given talents to speak for God and to live for God as examples for your children. Children don't go for the line which says: "Do as I say, not as I do." If that is your manner of training children, don't be surprised that they will do as you do. Usually they will go even one step beyond in doing wickedly! Parents, may I urge you to be good ex­amples to your children; show them what it means to love and serve the LORD. Walk in uprightness, in honesty, be forgiving and patient. Your children are watch­ing you far more than they listen to you! Train up your children by example!

What about discipline? I can't say much about this. Each child is different, and it takes parental talents and wisdom, which need to be begged from the LORD, to see what kind of discipline a child needs. Some need only a stern look to bring them to submission. Others kick the hand which spanks them and are hardened under every spanking. It takes, wis­dom to see what is needed! It is most important that parents agree with each other as to how to discipline their child. No matter what kind of discipline you use, it will fail miserably if father and mother cannot agree with the kind of discipline used. Be united in your manner of discipline!

It also is important to be consistent. Do not threaten and then fail to carry out your threat. When it becomes necessary to discipline, never do it in anger or with a temper "blowing off your lid!" You will hurt your child and you will hurt yourself where it really hurts: inside, in your emotions and feelings!

Discipline is necessary at times. In the book of Proverbs you can read about the rod of discipline a number of times. That is just another way of saying that your child needs a spanking sometimes. When that is necessary, they should be rare times and you should show your child that you are doing it out of love and not in anger! That takes self-discipline! Let the LORD be your example in this, parents. He chastises, but not according to our sins. He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

Show your children great willingness to forgive. In that way you will be a sermon without words typifying the LORD Who forgives the guilty and reaches out to the sinner. That is your prophetic role!

Confront your children when they have done wrong. Discipline them when neces­sary, in a suitable, loving manner, and then show them forgiveness when it is all over and done with. That is where the kingly role of the parents, especially of the father, comes in.

With respect to the priestly role, let me point to what Job used to do. He prayed and he sacrificed for his children. He knew that his children were sinners. It takes God-given talents to be parents who can fill the role of prophet, priest, and king for their children.

There is something else which I must say about the Bible text "Train up a child in the way he should go!" We know in which way a child should go – towards the LORD. To be dedicated to the LORD does not mean that every child must become like Hannah's child, Samuel, a prophet of the LORD! Not every child needs to become a missionary minister, office bearer, missionary or a mission worker! Do not try to put your child into a mould which you might like, but in which your child does not fit. It will take much talent and Spirit-filled wisdom to discover the bent, the inclination, and the suitability of occupation for your child. That is why you can also read in the Bible: "Train up a child in the way he should go," meaning the way God has inclined him, giving him the desire and ability to go!

As we think about the talents and wis­dom which are needed to be good parents, it would not be surprising if we ask ourselves: "Am I suitable to be a parent?" The more I reflected on this topic, the more I began to feel: "Who is sufficient for these things?" It would not surprise me, therefore, if many parents feel pangs of shame and unworthiness. What kind of parents have we been? What have I done with my children? Some of us have much sorrow in our hearts because, although we thought we did the best we could, our child or children, have turned away from the LORD!

What answer can I give you who have lost one or more children to the world? I cannot turn back the pages of history and neither can you! For some of you, your children are beyond your reach! But they are not yet beyond the LORD's reach! With the Spirit's help I will try to lead you pastorally. Perhaps this is a suitable opportunity to reflect on how you have been as parents. Are there things, perhaps, which should be confessed to the LORD?

Are there things which need to be forgiven? Are there pains and hurts inside which have not yet been expressed before the LORD? Is that, perhaps, what the LORD is still waiting for? He may be holding back from you until you are at peace with Him and at peace with your conscience.

There is grace available to be parents – for hurt and sorrowing parents, and for fearful, overwhelmed parents! The LORD does not leave us as parents to fend for ourselves in training up our children. Children are a heritage of the LORD. The Bible says they are His gifts, for no other reason but to continue to show the greatness of His promises! Therefore, the LORD has given us His great promises! Proverbs 22:6 is an ex­ample of this as we read: "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Parents, that is a promise which the LORD has given for no other reason but that you should become busy with it. The LORD wants to see His promises continued in your children. There is grace available for parents and it is available with the LORD Jesus!

If nothing else was learned from this article, may it be this: the LORD wants to be asked for this grace. He wants us to call on Him. As Saviour the LORD Jesus knows what parents need and His salva­tion is so great that even failing and faltering parents can find their hope in Him. Parents, you may think opportunities have passed and you may see nothing but impossibilities. But your impossibilities be­come great opportunities for Jesus, the Saviour of the lost.

Let your lives be an open book to your children who can still be reached and also to the ones who you think you cannot reach any more. Make sure that your children can tell by looking at you that you love the LORD and serve Him by your words and deeds! It may be that one or the other – Word or example – may still be used, as it pleases our promising God, to bless your children.