It’s always disappointing when you hear about or experience conflict in a local church. We’re supposed to be the assembly of believers who all expect their salvation in Christ and are also called to love one another as we have been loved by Christ. So how can there be serious conflict in the church? How is it that conflicts escalate so quickly in the Reformed community that they end up, in some cases, even tearing churches apart? Sadly, the rapid escalation of conflict in Reformed churches has caused some to throw up their hands and to walk away from the church altogether. Others may have stayed, but have become somewhat cynical. And still others remain with pain that stays for a lifetime.

A recent article by Jan Westert in De Reformatie (March 25, 2006 issue) shows that the rapid escalation of conflict in Reformed churches is sad but not surprising. It is due to the unique nature of the church. The article is entitled “Conflicts in the Church Escalate Quickly.” The (rather free) translation is mine. Westert introduces his subject as follows:

Conflicts can take place in the church just as elsewhere. This is sad, because isn’t it exactly in the church that we’re taught to love our neighbour? Of all places the church should be the place where you can overcome “hardness of heart.” Apparently, though, it’s just as difficult in the communion of saints as elsewhere to take the step to be reconciled and to forgive and ask for forgiveness. And the window of opportunity to create solutions sometimes fades away just as quickly.

The church has had all sorts and sizes of conflict, from small incidents to issues which blow up and result in entrenched positions where communication is no longer possible. Who decides where the flowers are supposed to stand and where the projector has to be located in the church building? Who decides about the architecture and construction of a new church building? How much credibility should a critical newcomer be given in a consistory where everything has always been done a certain way? How do you deal with a minister who, in the eyes of the congregation, has not functioned effectively in his office for a long time? I haven’t even mentioned the tensions that originate when it comes to liturgy or difference in doctrine. There are all kinds of things that can cause conflict in churches. And it’s astonishing to what extent and with what hardness apparently superficial incidents can play out over time.

Obviously church conflicts have a unique dynamic. That’s not surprising, as the emotional and normative factors play a big role. Moreover, the church is a very complex organization in which all kinds of aspects play a part and people deal with each other in all kinds of relationships. If a conflict starts, a broad network of brothers and sisters are immediately involved.

Westert outlines three factors which can cause a conflict to escalate very quickly in the church.

1. The Church is a Diverse Group of People⤒🔗

In the church a diversity of people comes together. Older and younger people; highly-educated and learning-impaired people; members who give themselves fully for the church and their fellow church members and those who aren’t as involved; rational people and people who go more by their emotions … people with a huge variety of backgrounds and viewpoints. That diverse company of brothers and sisters form the church, the assembly of believers.

It is different from an organization of like-minded people who all have a singular purpose or an association where you can terminate your membership whenever you wish. The diverse composition of the church already gives it a unique character. In short, members of a church don’t just have a passing acquaintance, but are involved in the church with heart and soul. That is one factor that plays a role.

2. The Church is a Normative Organization←⤒🔗

Additionally, you could typify the church as a normative organization. Together you confess your relationship with the Lord our God. That church has also received a fixed form, is institutionalized. The members are bound to the confession of the church ... differences in church matters are easily drawn into the dogmatic sphere. The mark of a dogma is its absolute character. Many conflicts aren’t about such deep differences of opinion that maintaining one particular stand is commanded by God. It is beneficial not to lose sight of the difference between my truth and the truth. A fundamental difference of opinion about something doesn’t mean that you need to condemn the adherents of the opposite view as persons or as fellow Christians. The point is that in the church we strive for unity and truth. That striving easily brings about tension. Before you know it everything has to do with everything – binding to the confessions, experiencing of faith, liturgical change, differences in lifestyle, issues of form, and even practical administrative matters all become matters of principle. In this context even an issue such as where flowers should be located in the church can become an issue that ends up going beyond normal proportions. It’s understandable that conflicts in which one is completely involved become absolute. It would be beneficial, however, if more attention was paid to the element of imperfection and one-sidedness in our own interpretation or our own view about a certain issue.

3. Cooperation←⤒🔗

The third factor has everything to do with cooperation. A church exists through the cooperation of volunteers. They all have their own motives for serving. At the same time, the church community has its own small kingdoms: the bookkeeper, the minister, the caretaker, the organist, the office bearers, and various committees. They all have their own tasks and they all need to cooperate with each other. Obviously cooperation requires a lot of skill.

Communication between those various groups takes a great deal of care. “Governing and serving” often hinders good cooperation. The minister has a very unique role when it comes to conflict. He is the one who has to give spiritual leadership and it is expected of him that he give clear direction. At the same time he is responsible for pastoral care. That can be a source of conflict for members of the church as well as for the minister himself.

Westert states that these three factors, which make the church so vulnerable to conflict, could easily be expanded. The point is that there is a whole range of factors that can cause conflict to escalate rapidly especially in a church. Brother Westert also shows in his article by means of a sociological study (Glasl, 1997) how a conflict goes through three main phases of escalation – a “win-win” phase, a “win-lose” phase, and finally an “everything or nothing” phase. As a conflict moves through these three phases, the two parties communicate less and less and are less and less tolerant of each other’s positions until finally they only see each other as enemies. This process makes a conflict in a church difficult to deal with and even people who are not directly involved easily end up becoming entangled in it. Westert describes how church conflicts escalate:

In a situation of escalating conflict, one’s own perception becomes more important than knowing the facts or trying to convince the other party. A conflict is never isolated as the church environment means others become involved and take sides. This leads to quarrelsome and obstructive behaviour. The various aspects strengthen each other and so the conflict is further escalated.

In church we like to keep a difference quiet as long as possible. A conflict then has a long time to simmer quietly and this also contributes to quick escalation. In the background there is this idea that there should never be conflict in a church. The church is then more or less self-protective over against quarrels and conflicts. This avoidance doesn’t help deal with matters. When the conflict really does boil over, it can hardly be stopped anymore...

All those involved in a conflict are part and parcel of the church. Conviction, emotion, relationships, and “my opinion” and “the truth” are then all closely connected. Paying attention to one’s own role in a conflict and being able to examine yourself in your own mirror is one of the biggest steps towards finding a solution and to reconciliation. That may not sound like much of a conclusion. But as believers we need to seek reconciliation and that’s what we need to work at… Meanwhile, enjoy the many-coloured flowers in the church without becoming annoyed. Try to find enjoyment in the brother or sister who is doing his or her best to contribute to the life of the church, even if your opinion differs from his or her opinion. And above all, if you’re stuck, suffer pain, are hurt, then get down on your knees before Him who bore all our pain. That’s where new freedom and openness has to start.

Westert’s conclusion is very brief and I’m sure we’d like to hear more about prevention and solutions when it comes to conflict in a church. However, his description of the reasons why conflict so easily escalates in a church community is helpful. It helps us to understand what is happening and I believe that understanding what is happening is a big part of the solution already. If we realize that there are reasons why conflict can easily escalate in church, we won’t throw up our hands and walk away from the church in frustration either. We’ll stay and do our best to become part of the solution, to the glory of God and the good of our brothers and sisters.