Thoughts of Murder⤒🔗

A Woman Caught with Thoughts of Murder←↰⤒🔗

Consider the following scenario. A 40 year-old woman becomes pregnant. She already has four children; the youngest is 8. In her own mind, her family had been completed at the birth of the fourth child. She had begun to work outside the home and hoped to continue to do so. Her husband was not happy with the fact that his wife is pregnant, but he is opposed to abortion. Her gynecologist recommended an abortion because of her age and the associated risks. The woman had difficulty with an abortion, but had greater difficulty with the thought of having another child. How could this child ever fit into their family? Her oldest is an adolescent girl who is already dating. Her professional ambitions will have to be put on hold. The medical and social arguments of her gynecologist inclined her to accept his position. Her husband was not strong enough to oppose her.

They decided to have an abortion, but before they could carry out their intention, she had spontaneously miscarried. That had been very convenient for them.

They had not consulted their pastor. Only much later does he hear that something has "gone wrong." One of the elders mentions that the woman has developed psychological and spiritual problems. She has become listless, depressed, fatigued, and feels no need to pray or go to church. When he visits, the pastor finds her unwilling to speak about the recent past. He knows of her recent miscarriage but nothing else. When the conversation dead-ends, he hints at the fact that there seems to be a block. She hesitates to disclose what has occurred. Neither does her husband volunteer anything. Does he even know what is troubling his wife? Does shame hold him back?

The woman realizes that the pastoral contact will not progress any further if she keeps silent. Reluctantly, she shares the difficulty of her recent pregnancy. She does not share the whole truth, but it is enough for the pastor to think through the event with her. She shares how she had felt that their family had been completed and how the pregnancy had made her question her plans. This is all she shares. She feels she has said enough.

Her pastor asks her if she feels guilty for her negative attitude. She gives no straight answer but covers up by using a multitude of words that really say nothing. The pastor is faced with a difficult decision. He realizes her tenseness and that more is going on. But one word too much on his part might end the whole relationship. He is aware that her consciousness of guilt is very acute, although he does not say this.

After a time of intense prayer, the pastor feels one more question needs to be asked. Has she ever considered an abortion? As if stung by a wasp, she says all kinds of things, but she answers neither affirmatively or negatively. The pastor still does not know whether she had intended to have an abortion. It is evident to him that she has considered the idea. He speaks with understanding as he describes to her what can transpire in the human heart in cases such as hers.

It does not take long for her to share the whole truth. She is almost glad with the opportunity to confess her guilt. She is not very emotional, but toneless and spiritually empty. This is the consequence of not having resolved her sense of guilt.

Regardless of how strange it may sound, when the child had been taken from her, she had begun to see her self-centeredness. Her decision to have an abortion had complicated her feelings of guilt. Her heart had become hardened and it was as if a wall closed her in.

The pastor understands that the heart of the problem was the intended murder of the child. He does not focus on her decision to have an abortion. Instead. he focuses on why she did not want this child. It did not suit her. It ruined her plans. This development in her life had been difficult for her to accept. It brought shame and unwillingness on her part. She felt thwarted in her plans and did not want to accept the "burden."

These facts are part of the jigsaw puzzle. Her pastor wisely let her place all the pieces together herself. He had only one goal in view, which, may be described by only two phrases: confession of guilt and forgiveness! The woman was not immediately ready for either of the two, even though her heart longed for deliverance from her walled prison.

The pastor let her do the talking, and in that way she drew up her own indictment. He did not need to say much. The pieces fit together and formed a picture that was much more eloquent than any accusation the pastor could have formulated. The Spirit used him to have her look in the mirror of a face that only listened and that did not condemn. That was effective. Inside the walled prison a mother's heart was hiding! That heart was broken when she saw that she had wanted to break her child's heart.

This was the place and the time to talk about forgiveness. Without excusing her, the pastor pointed to the significance of baptism. She had wanted to keep baptism from her child by not wanting it to be born. Essentially, she had wanted to deprive grace from her child by not permitting it to see the day of grace.

This was the decisive moment. Her heart was softened. All her hard feelings melted. Her heart spoke, though not with words. She confessed her guilt and received forgiveness with her head bowed down and her soul praying. Christ washed away all sins, even those which a pregnant mother had committed against the sixth commandment prior to her miscarriage.

The pastor's work was not finished yet. Prior to the next celebration of the Lord's Supper he visited her again! She was having a difficult time. The devil was making things hard for her! How the pastor's eyes lit up, when he saw her come forward to the Lord's table! He will never forget it: a person bowed down in humility and lifted up by faith in the forgiveness of sin! He thought to himself: that is how every partaker of the Lord's Supper should really come to the table of the LORD.