LITURGY⤒🔗

Singing:
Ps. 133:1
Ps. 139:4,13
Ps. 31:12,13,15
Ps. 34:2,5,8
Hy. 43:1,3←↰⤒🔗

Reading:
Malachi 2:13-17
1 Corinthians 7:1-11←↰⤒🔗

Beloved brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ,

When you opened your Bible to the text, your initial reaction may have been to chuckle or laugh. Husbands have often teased their wives by quoting this text to them. They may have even muttered it under their breath when they felt they were being nagged or badgered.

But what is the LORD trying to teach us by including this saying in the book of Proverbs? Is the author saying something like, "Hey guys, if you have a nagging woman bothering you, it's time to head up to the corner of your roof"? At least there you will be free of the harassment and agitation that can drive you up the wall!

Proverbs 25:24 gives us a necessary part of God's revelation for our salvation. We have to know the purpose and intent of Proverbs to comprehend why the Lord considered it necessary to have these words recorded in this book. Proverbs is a book of covenant wisdom. Such wisdom is not scholar's choice, but practical insight and knowledge about how one should live. The fear of the Lord is wisdom's source. Wisdom which springs forth from the fear of the Lord has one motivation: "Lord, what do you want me to do? I am at your service". It makes a real difference in how you conduct yourself from day to day – when you are by yourself, and in the company of others. Abiding by God's norms also determines how you interact with your spouse and the way you handle problems that may crop up in your marriage.

The Lord recognizes that not all marriages are happy and mutually satisfying. Our text is the serious (and maybe even unpopular) message of God telling members of the church how they should act in such a situation. The theme of this message is:

The Lord Promises His Presence in the Marriages of His People←⤒🔗

We Note His Presence in:←↰⤒🔗

1. His Awareness that Marriages are Not Free of Problems
2. His Answer for Marriages Filled with Problems

The verse we are focusing on is a repeat. If you turn back to chapter 21:9 you will find the same words. Such scriptural repetitions are not space fillers, for lack of new things to say, but they emphasize the deep importance of the matter at hand. The Spirit of Christ makes us aware of their legitimacy and relevance, also for our time.

According to chapter 25:1, the scribes of Hezekiah copied this proverb of Solomon. Two hundred years after Solomon's reign, Hezekiah's scribes want this proverb recorded again but now in a specific place and context – between two verses that concern themselves with communication.

Verse 25 gives an example of good communication: “Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land.” This still applies today, even though it’s much easier for us to reach each other via telephone, fax or the Internet. We are very happy to hear that our loved ones are doing well.

Verse 23 is a different story: “As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.” Gossip, slander, and backbiting rip apart relationships and break down communication. That is why God's covenant law forbids it in the ninth commandment. Brothers and sisters in the Lord are to live together in communion; therefore they may not speak evil of each other – not openly, but not in secret either. God's people are to defend the name and reputation of their neighbours – even if they have been unfair to you or criticized you wrongly. Backbiting leads to ugly situations. And let's not kid ourselves; the lines of communication can be broken down in the church, among God's covenant people, very quickly. Sometimes it happens within the "communion of saints" that individuals will not talk to each other for years! And Christian marriages are not free from it either. Sin tries to drive a wedge between people so that they do not get along and refuse to speak together.

Brothers and sisters, in this context of communication you find our text. Should you doubt communication to be the basic issue, let me give you the literal wording of our text: It is better to live in the comer of a housetop than to be in a house of communion with a quarrelsome woman.

We shouldn't say too quickly, "Well, if both husband and wife are believers, there shouldn't be squabbles, fighting or a lack of communication. If two people are committed to the Lord they will talk and live in harmony with each other". Are not our personal lives filled with sin? Look at all the things that we do wrong in a day. Many sins are hidden and covered up; but does that make them less serious? Fighting against our sinful nature is a lifelong struggle. We confess our lives are filled with unholy thoughts, words and actions. Similarly, marriage problems and conflicts will be present to the very last day.

Communication is essential to all covenant relations, but especially that of marriage. Meaningful, fulfilling, intimate relationships are built on the blocks of communication. By communicating you express your thoughts, emotions, joys, struggles, and hurts to the other. You tell him or her how much he or she means to you.

But a contentious woman breaks such communication. She is quarrelsome, nagging about even the pettiest things, making sensible talk impossible. She always knows it better. A contentious person displays constant dissatisfaction with another for not doing something, or not doing it soon enough, or not doing it well enough. If that continues, what should a husband do? For that matter, what should a wife do if her husband causes the rift – for that too is within the scope of this proverb. Should they go their separate ways and get divorced? After all, they are incompatible! Does our text suggest this route?

You know how prevalent separation and divorce are these days. Fifty percent of all marriages in America and Canada end in divorce. It would seem that our text would condone such action. Why keep putting yourself through bad experiences? Verbal fighting, bickering and quarrelling only cause mental abuse and emotional strain. You shouldn't have to put yourself and your family through such nerve-wracking and traumatic turmoil, should you? Today it wouldn't even be suggested that a man live on the roof to avoid a quarrelsome wife. He'd be advised, “Just get it over with. Tell her to go fly a kite! Move on and find someone who is going to show you more love and affection!”

Nevertheless, anyone who thinks they have justification for divorcing their spouse, based on this text, is mistaken. This is no ruling for separation and divorce but a covenantal principle explaining how Christian couples should act when problems rise to the surface in their marriage.

The Lord Jesus once said, "what God has joined together, let man not separate." Marriage is to be held in honour as an institution of Christ but so is the Bible as the Word of Christ. The Bible is a unit and no individual text may be lifted out of the whole Scripture. All of it teaches one message: divorce is an evil before the Lord. That's why it hurts believing men and women when they are forced into a divorce by an unfaithful spouse. Today the laws of our society are totally against them and there is virtually nothing they can do to stop it.

But just because the secular world has liberalized its attitudes toward the impermanence of marriage no such revision has occurred in the biblical standard. Would you like to know precisely what God thinks of those who initiate a divorce? He has made his view abundantly clear in Malachi 2.

Israel could not understand why God did not accept their offerings and hear their prayers. “You ask, ‘Why?’ I will tell you,” the Lord says. “It is because I am acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant [and a covenant cannot be broken]. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce” says the LORD.

Moses gave allowance for a certificate of divorce – not because the Lord said it was okay but because of the hardness of Israel's heart. From the beginning it was not so. The Lord did not give marriage so that husband and wife should go their own way if it did not work out for them. When the Lord made Eve, he did not say "Try Eve, and if she doesn't work out, I'll make you another woman". God said, "I will make a helper suitable for him" which means, "I will give him someone with whom he can communicate." Husband and wife become one flesh. In the unity of true faith they have full communion with one another.

In the New Testament the Lord Jesus Christ is not lenient on divorce either. He forbids it. The apostle Paul refers to that in 1 Corinthians 7:10,11, "To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord): a wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."

The Bible leaves no doubt: marriage is for life. Divorce is contrary to God's order. Yes, followers of Christ, let us recognize that in bearing the name Christian we accept different standards than the rest of society.

When the book of Proverbs concludes, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” we cannot receive this as advice to end the relationship. What is called "better", when you really come to think about it is impossible. Roofs of most Israelite homes were flat, but the man is not told it is better to live on the roof but on a corner of the roof.

The man seems to be given a choice. But is this really a choice? How long can you sit on the corner of the roof without food, exposed to the hot sun and the pouring rain? Our text gives a theoretical and hypothetical dwelling place (on a corner of the roof) which, in fact, is no home. It would be better, but it isn't possible; especially for a married man. There is no communication up on the corner of a housetop; only isolation and discomfort. Sitting on the corner may give temporary relief, peace and quiet but it does nothing to truly help the man.¹

Solomon, and the men of Hezekiah who copied this proverb years later, wish to accent that there is no other way but to continue living with this contentious and quarrelsome woman. The advice is: "Don't bail out, but stick it out. Cleave to your spouse." By saying, "It is better to live on the corner of the housetop" this proverb rules out the option of stepping out of a relation because there is a lack of communication.

In short, a married couple should make every effort to restore communication and to have a solid and God-honouring marriage. And even if the situation remains unchanged, a spouse does not have the option to leave.

You may be wondering what good this proverb does do for those involved in marital conflicts. They are told a corner of the housetop is a better place to live than with a quarrelsome woman. But that's an impossible possibility. Are you showing love and compassion by telling someone to stay with such a partner? Beloved, there is comfort and understanding. By having this proverb recorded in his Word, the Lord shows that he realizes marriages are not without difficulties. He also gives the answer for marriages filled with problems. Our second point:

2. Proverbs 25:24 does not talk about how marriage conflicts can be resolved because that is not its main intention. Instead it makes us realize how the Lord observes and evaluates marital tensions. The Lord is present with his people in good times and bad. Sometimes those who go through turmoil complain that they do not always get support. That's not true. People may fail us but the Lord will never forget those who fear and honour his name. He is fully aware of what we are going through, and he will help us as long as we are willing to accept that help. The Lord observes, appraises and gives his answer – “Stay in the marriage relation.”

You may object, "It's easy to say husband and wife are bound to one another for life when your own marriage runs smoothly. What about those many instances where there is contention and quarrelling – where a couple does not get along on the most basic points? Is God forcing them to stay in an unhappy situation for the rest of their lives? Don't we all have a right to happiness and the fulfilment of our natural desires and deepest longings?"

Brothers and sisters, to talk of a right to happiness is misleading and deceptive. True joy and happiness cannot be attained where there is conflict with God's stated and revealed will. We cannot expect the Lord's blessing if we defiantly refuse to see that fulfilment in life is in our primary task to build God's church, his kingdom and to seek his righteousness. Staying in a relationship filled with problems, and suffering much grief and pain as a consequence, may be the burden we need to carry for Christ's sake. People who see happiness as the goal of marriage will not have an easy time. That bubble will burst.

There is hope even in suffering in an unhappy marriage. These burdens can be the most wholesome school of purification and testing. What is lost in this world for the sake of the gospel brings eternal gain. "Better a lifetime of misery and suffering for the sake of being faithful to the LORD than an eternity of regret."

Our resolution must be to live by the statutes and ordinances of the LORD, no matter what society might think. The law of God may not be softened out of a supposed compassion and regard for those caught in an unhappy marriage. For the Lord is not "out to get us" and to make life miserable. He promises to be with us even in problems! That's the wisdom of Proverbs 25:24.

If this were the word of man, those who suffer with a troublesome partner would be in the centre. But the instruction of Christ, who is our wisdom and redemption, puts the person of God in the centre. The Lord sees the problems of man and he guarantees his help.

We may never go searching for worldly solutions to our predicament. The answer is with the Lord our God. As we sing in Psalm 34,

Those who on Him rely
Will never hang their heads in shame…
The righteous man may grieve;
He many troubles may endure.
The LORD will free him from them all;
His help is ever sure.
Why should he then despair?

In our Lord Jesus Christ those words receive deeper meaning. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) Precisely in and through Christ, our burdens can be carried. Through Christ it is possible to make the choice for the only way: staying together. Oh, it may happen that a couple separates for a while; but that should only be done in order to bring about reconciliation.

To live with a quarrelsome spouse can be "hellish". Hell is broken communication. But the Spirit, who evaluates and judges that a man must stay with his wife and a woman with her husband, also guarantees that he will dwell in that house and be with him who truly seeks to do what is right and pleasing to the Lord. The Spirit of Christ is with him or her.

The LORD does direct a man or a woman to the solutions the world offers. The solution is exactly in the fact that he evaluates and pays attention to every hardship you may have to endure. He exposes the evil of broken communication. But even the breakdown in true communion between a man and his wife is powerless against the hand of the Lord. The sin of broken communication is unable to destroy and cast asunder what God has put together.

The Spirit of the Lord says, "Stay faithful to the wife of your youth even if she is quarrelsome". That may be very difficult and trying but we are not promised a life without trials and suffering. Persecution or a prolonged illness may also cause much unhappiness. But is there a way out in this life? It is better to be healthy than to be sick, but for a person who is terminally ill, that is no solution. His or her comfort is in the fact that God is present to break the power of sin.

Do you realize the far reaching consequences of our text? I stated earlier that what is said about a man also applies to a woman. But this proverb also has meaning for the person whose marriage has been broken apart by an unfaithful spouse, for a widow and for others who are unmarried. The LORD knows when you suffer in loneliness and despair. He is well aware of all your frustrations. God evaluates every situation and offers freely the help of his Holy Word. He may not take away the hurt of being single, widowed or divorced, but he is present with you always. The Lord knows the way of the teenager – how that can be a time of tremendous emotional upheaval and uncertainty. He is present with the elderly. He is aware of all your tensions and anxieties.

Today we still live with the results of sin. But the Spirit of the Lord directs us to the answer. He is there with his grace, love, peace, kindness and tender mercy. In Christ, he has already taken the power of hell out of the life of his people. Now they can live in communion with him and one another.

Beloved, the LORD is with you all, in the communion of the Holy Spirit, when you live by faith. Show that in your marriages. Don't seek your own happiness, but Christ's honour. Learn to talk with each other before you tie the knot. Many couples end up with marriage problems simply because they have not gone out together long enough or haven't looked for the right qualifications and ingredients for marriage: commitment and communication.

Christian marriage is the reflection of the relation between Christ and his church. In that relation the bride of Christ (the church) is often nagging, quarrelsome and the cause for a breakdown in communication. However, Jesus Christ does not break the relation on that account. He calls for repentance and restored communication. He forgives and covers our sins and he works toward the day when we shall stand at his right hand through his saving merit. On that day the sins of all marriages and all other relations will be purged away and we shall dwell forever, together, in perfect communion. Amen.