There are relationships that can be compared to a house built upon the sand. The foundation being unsteady and shaky, when “the rain descended ,and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, it fell, and great was the fall thereof” (Mt 7:27).

There are also relationships that can be compared to a house built upon the rock. The foundation being solid and firm, when “the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” (Mt 7:25).

It is obvious to many that relationships that are not based on God’s Word are necessarily unstable and weak just as the foundation they are built upon. What is not readily admitted, however, is that also within the Christian community there are relationships that do not bring honour to the Divine foundation upon which they are allegedly.

Indeed, there may be relationships that can be compared to a house, built on the rock that is solid and well maintained. You see flowers in the garden; the weeds are not allowed to grow; there are curtains in the windows; it is fully fur­nished; the atmosphere is warm, welcoming and friendly; in thick or thin, rain or shine, this house always feels like home.

However, there are also relationships that to various extents have allowed sin or insinuation, or suspicion, or lack of forgiveness, or lack of trust, or lack of respect, or lack of love, or indifference, or hatred, or jealousy, or grudges, or all the above to fester. Instead of being a source of blessing, refreshment and increased bonding, these relationships can be compared either to a house, on good foundations, that needs repairs (the paint is peeling; there may be cracks in the windows and thorns and thistles grow everywhere), or to a house that has been abandoned (it was obviously a beautiful place at some point but, then, the roof caved in and now dirt and cobwebs are everywhere) or, even, to a house that was begun but never finished.

While these images still linger in our mind, let us ask ourselves:

1. Is it reasonable to think that as long as the foundation is good you don’t need to be concerned with the state of the building?
    
2. Can we stress enough the role human responsibility plays in building up or tearing apart a relationship or a partnership that may be built on the Divine foundation?
    
3. If people give in to or allow suspicion, sin and temptations to fester, can they, then, fully experience the blessings of a relationship founded on a common faith in Christ?

The truth is, just like beautiful buildings, relationships need work. They will fall apart if we do not take the time, or if we lose the will, to apply a fresh coat of paint, replace the pipes, weed the garden, and sometimes make upgrades.

What are the building blocks that make relationships worthy of the Divine Foundation? What are relationships that brings honour to the Lord made of, “...that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Mt. 5:16)?

The purpose of all relationships is summarized in the first and second great commandments, which, just like the Ten Commandments, are explained and ex­panded in the rest of the Bible by a number of Biblical admonitions, exhortations and applications. By all these, God’s Word also teaches us how we must relate to God and to one other.

The guidelines of our relationship with God are summarized in the words:

And thou shalt  love the Lord thy God width all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and width all thy strength.MK 12:30

The guidelines of our relationship with others are summarized in the words:

Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.Mt. 22:39

To avoid misconceptions, we must immediately realize that these two com­mandments are not really two separate items. They were given by Our Lord in one breath, so to say; they are a two-point sermon. Hence it is not written: ‘This is the first great commandment. This is the second great commandment.’ but rather: “This is the first and great commandment. ‘And’ the second is like unto it...” (Mt 22:38-9).

Because these two commandments belong together, one’s duty to fulfill the first great commandment may not take away from the duty to also carry out the second great commandment, just as obedience to the first table of the law may not take away from the duty to obey the second table of the law as well.

According to the words of Mt. 22:39, the second commandment is “like unto” the first. “Like unto” means “similar to” or “resembling” the first. To “love thy neighbour as thyself” means you must love him in a way that is similar to how you love God. Even though not identical, a relationship with your neighbour must be consistent with, and, in some ways, similar to, your relationship with God. For this reason, the first and second great commandments call us to love God with all of ourselves, and, in a similar manner, to love our neighbour as ourselves.

When to this high calling one adds some practical admonitions coming from passages like 1 Jo 4:20 (“If a man say, I love God, and hated his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”, where the Apostle states that is not possible to love God and hate a brother), and James 3:9 (“Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.” where the Apostle states that we may not use our tongue to bless God and then curse God’s Image) then, the two great commandments can be compared to a door that swings both ways. In its forward swing, the way you relate to God becomes clearly manifest in the way you treat others; in its backward swing, the way you treat others may be an indicator of whether you love God or live a lie (see 1 Jo 4:20).

Since the way we treat God’s image in our neighbours cannot be incompatible or inconsistent with the way we relate to God Himself (see Jas 3:9 & 1 Jo 4:20), the conclusion is that:

1. our relationship with God is the greater standard by which one can assess the quality of our relationships with others;
    
2. our relationship with others may be a touchstone of the true state of our relationship with God;
    
3. all relationships (whether with God or man) have similarities that may help us assess if things are going wrong.

To explain these 3 points with an analogy, I am going to compare our rela­tionship with God to the sanctuary of a church, and our relationships with the neighbours to the rooms around the sanctuary. They are all parts of the same building. As the sanctuary and the surrounding rooms are going to be somewhat similar in building techniques, building codes, styles, fixtures, carpets, furniture, etc., in the same way there are similarities between the way I relate to God and the way I treat people. Also, in the same way in which poor maintenance of the building will, eventually, impact the sanctuary as well, in the same way how I love (or am loved by) others may, unfortunately, shape the way I love God. Of course, even though the sanctuary is not just like the other rooms, some things will require similar maintenance.

We can now answer the question: What are relationships that bring honour to God made of? First of all, just like the entire church building rests on a founda­tion, in the same way all relationships (whether with God or man) must be built on the ‘Rock’ to be truly meaningful; whether the Rock is the Lord Jesus, or the Word of God, or the Truth of God’s Word (however one interprets the Parable).

Secondly, the two great commandments teach that love is the frame that must be put up on that Foundation. Love to God requires all of oneself, and love to the neighbour requires just as much as oneself. (BTW, this runs contrary to those who say: “you must love them, not like them!” This is simply not possible, just as it is not possible to love God and not like Him. More can be said about this, but it falls beyond the purpose of this article).

The next building block is integrity. Integrity implies that one must approach God in spirit and in truth. One may not be fake, may not put up a front with God, nor attempt to deceive Him, nor hide the real intentions and inclinations of the heart. In the same way, in dealing with our neighbours, we are called not to let convenience, ulterior motives or peer pressure (commonly known in the Bible as ‘the fear of men’), push us to hide what we really think, what we truly believe or what we stand for, as it is written: “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” (Eph 4:25) and “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.” (Prov. 29:5) Moreover, just as integrity requires that one be not ashamed to publicly con­fess God’s Name, as it is written:

Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.Mark 8:38

In the same way, if I love a person in private, that love has to be made public as well. Consider how Jonathan, who loved David as his own soul, made the friendship public by giving his garments, his sword, his bow, and his girdle to David (1 Sa 18:4). Everybody knew these two men were friends. Their bond of love and allegiance remained the same even when things turned against David and could have been politically advantageous for Jonathan to distance himself from his friend. By contrast consider how promptly Abraham denied Sarah as his wife and what troubles come upon them both for doing so. (Gen 12:13) Integrity also means that we are called to rebuke our brother when he of­fends us and to forgive him when he repents, as it is written: “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Mt 6:15). Mutual edification and Christian discipline help remove many a seed of the thorns and thistles that grow in many relationships as resentments, jealousies, contentions and long standing grudges, because it is written:

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.Proverbs 18:19

Let us not be afraid to admonish and encourage one another in a spirit of love!

The next building block is fairness. I do not speak of the “it’s not fair!” atti­tude of those who covet what is not allowed to them; rather I am referring to a willingness to balance my best interest with the best interest of my neighbour, for it is written: “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” (Php 2:4 in simpler words: do not look only after your own interests, but also after the interests of others).

According to the Golden Rule, put yourself in the shoes of your neighbour and see how you would like it if you were at the receiv­ing end of anything you purpose to do unto your neighbour, as it is written: “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets;” (Mt 7:12). Fairness may also require that we stand alongside the weak, the poor, the afflicted, the widow, the orphan or the ill-treated, for it is written:

If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondered the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man ac­cording to his works?Proverbs 24:11-12

The building is then furnished with a hospitable spirit, whereby, regardless of who it is, we are called to put forward our best foot, our best smile, and a sympathetic attitude. By the grace of God, we are called to overcome the natu­ral tendency to fear the stranger, or to fall prey to stereotypes, peer pressures, public opinion and the memory of past sins. We expect nothing less when we approach God in the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and our neighbour has the right to expect nothing less from us, for it is written: “Strive not with a man with­out cause, if he have done thee no harm.” (Prov. 3: 29-30)

This hospitable spirit, of course, must be exercised with those we are already familiar with and those of the household of faith, but it is to be more especially exercised towards strangers, for it is written: “if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?” (Mat 4: 46-7); whereas it is written: “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Heb 13:2), and elsewhere: “But their scribes and Pharisees murmured against his disciples, saying, Why do ye eat and drink with publicans and sinners?” (Lu 5:30). Not to mention that a hospitable spirit is displayed by generosity, gentleness and meekness.

More things could be mentioned yet but for the sake of brevity, I am going to quickly conclude by placing this relational building under the roof of God’s Grace. God alone can grant the wisdom, the patience, the will, the forgiving spirit, the for­bearing spirit and the love that are needed to build relationships that bring about refreshing, mutual edification and, more importantly, honour to His Name.