I know that for many people this is not an easy topic. Countless people have been hurt by its effects. Over the years, a number of articles (written by women whom it has hurt) have appeared in Clarion which attest to this fact. Still countless others, mostly men, struggle with it daily. It affects their marriages, it burdens their consciences and it deadens their Christian life. But there are some who deny that pornography is such a problem among the men of our churches. I am writing to claim otherwise. Porn is a pervasive problem. I believe that many Canadian Reformed males, teenagers and adults, have been caught up in the deadly seductions of pornography and the Internet has not made things any better. I know this from speaking with many others, from what I’ve seen, and sadly, also from my own personal experiences. So I would like to tell you how destructive porn can be. I want to warn the young men and teenagers who have never indulged in this sin. And I would like to alert the leaders in our churches to this sin which lives in hiding among us.

Getting into Porn⤒🔗

My own experiences with pornography began at a very young age, Grade 2 to be exact. It was at that time that I not only discovered magazines in our neighbourhood, but also in our own house. Dad gave some pretty sorry excuses for that, but even a 7 or 8 year old knows hypocrisy when he sees it. That was the beginning of my cynicism.

Even at that time, I knew there was something sinful about porn. It was wrong and God didn’t like it. Until I hit puberty, I had no interest in pornography except to hate it and burn it. I was the good Christian kid in my neighbourhood trying to tell my friends that what they were looking at was bad. At the same time, those magazines also reappeared in our house. When VCRs became household items, pornographic videos also polluted the television screen in our Canadian Reformed home. My Dad, a leader in the church, was still enslaved to porn. I confronted him about it, but he could not bring himself to confess that it was sinful and wrong. My cynicism only grew.

My real problems with pornography started when I was 14. One of my uncles offered to buy me a magazine and I went for it. Now it should be said that this uncle was what appeared to be a good Canadian Reformed man. He was the one who helped me to my first major dose of sexual sin. At that time, my Canadian Reformed school friends also discovered the perversion and so we bought, sold, and traded. Their fathers also proved to be a steady source for porn magazines. After a while I started having deep feelings of guilt. I knew all along that it was wrong. I knew that the Lord was not pleased with me and I knew that I was being a hypocrite by having those magazines and going to church and catechism. I couldn’t live with it. I took my magazines out one night and threw them in the garbage bin of an apartment building. I vowed never again to spend any money on pornography. I wish that my story could end there, but sadly, it doesn’t.

During my teenage years, I also struggled with pornography of the Sports Illustrated variety – perhaps not pornography as usually understood, but functionally (and Scripturally!) the same thing. The public library made these magazines available and resourceful teenagers with X-acto knives made short order of the pictures. Thankfully, I also had pangs of guilt over this and the pictures ended up in the garbage. It was also around this time that I did profession of faith, although somewhat half-heartedly as I look back now. But I still knew that my profession of faith meant that I had to fight against sin. I could not keep going back to porn.

After one final bout with porn which my Dad had brought into the house, I was okay for one or two years. I still struggled with lust, but I managed to keep away from porn. This was about the time that I met and later married my wife. I had hoped that marriage would solve all my problems with lust. I hadn’t counted on the appearance of the Internet. The Internet hurdled one of the great barriers in accessing pornography: the shame. I never had the courage to walk into a store and buy a magazine or rent a video. I’ve always been afraid that someone will see me (not really thinking or caring, of course, that the Lord always sees). With the Internet that was all gone. Nobody would see. There was no accountability and there was easy access, just a mouse-click away. All that holds you back is self-control. Eventually, I had the guilt again and stopped. I confessed my sin before the Lord, but also to my wife. That was tough. I didn’t know how she would take it. Let me tell you (if you haven’t figured it out for yourself): porn is not a harmless sin. With this sin, you offend the Lord, but you also hurt your wife or if you’re not yet married possibly also your future wife. If you want a sure fire way to sabotage your marriage (even before it begins!), get into porn.

Overcoming Porn←⤒🔗

I’m thankful that though she was hurt by what I’d done, my wife was able to forgive me and help me. The Lord was merciful to me in more ways than one. I asked her to hold me accountable, check up on me on a regular basis. Sadly, I have backslidden a number of times. Each time was tough, also on our marriage. I’ve also spoken about this sin with a number of close male friends in the church, and finally found someone open enough to admit that he has the same struggles and has the same desire to fight against this deadly sin. I’m now accountable to my wife, but also to my friend, and he to me (and his wife). As a result, I’m very thankful that the struggle is easier. Prayer has also been an enormous source of strength in this struggle. I’ve always prayed for forgiveness. The words of Psalm 51 have been my own on many occasions. I’ve prayed for a greater depth of faith and more self-control. For a greater hatred of sin. For a greater love for the Lord Jesus Christ. The struggle against pornography isn’t easy, but there is hope with the Lord.

Beware of Hypocrisy←⤒🔗

Perhaps the saddest part of my story is the way that people in the church who were supposed to show moral leadership failed. Their hypocrisy was destructive. Hypocrisy always is that way. Hypocrisy breeds cynicism. And Satan laughs. So we come to my purpose for writing: stop Satan’s laughter. You who are fathers, please, I plead with you, do not live a life of hypocrisy. You could potentially shove your children down the road to hell. Not all my friends were as blessed as me. With some of them, their cynicism (bred from their fathers’ hypocrisy) resulted in their leaving the church and living full-blown lives of sin. Better to have a millstone hung around your neck! If this is your sin (as it has been mine), repent before the Lord and then also confess your sin to your family. They will love you and respect you for it in the long run. You who are leaders in our churches, please, I beg you, do not make light of this sin. Please realize that even if you do not, many men, young and old, in our churches are struggling (some more than others) with this horrific sin. Some of them live lives of blatant hypocrisy – these are not the families “on the edge”! Some are even officebearers or hold other positions of respect. So preach against this loudly and boldly. Your preaching will speak, if not to the sin-deafened fathers, then (as it did for me) surely to the children. By God’s grace, they will never forget the sinfulness of sin.

I didn’t write this intending to be sensationalistic. I write from a sincere desire that our gracious God be glorified through a people who desire to live in holiness before Him. Even though our sins be so lecherous and vile, He will always forgive through his Son when we repent in true faith. This promise is for all of us, no matter what sins we struggle with. I sincerely pray that his Holy Spirit will so permeate our communion of saints that we can no longer speak about pornography so intimately as I have done. May that day hasten when such things are utterly foreign to us.