Pilgrim’s Progress reminds us that we are all on a spiritual journey through life; and that the experiences that God puts in our paths teach us many things. As with Pilgrim, our encounters with danger, temptation and our own sin take us through stages of maturity as we move from young womanhood to marriage, motherhood (for many of us), the prime of life and “senior sainthood”. Always, the theme is moving onwards­ becoming more mature, and more useful as a servant of God as the years go by. We don’t simply work hard and have our successes at one stage (e.g. young motherhood), and then rest on our laurels as it were; treating the later years as time to look back on our achievements and enjoy the fruit of them (children and grandchildren growing up while we bask in their achievements). No, there is work to be done – both with our own stubborn, sinful natures, and by help and encouragement, with the struggles of other, younger women on their own pilgrimage of faith!

Naturally, we work first of all with our own daughters. God has given us the privilege of teaching them to follow Him, should He bless us with children. But we’re also called as Christian women to show other younger women, by our word and example, how to live as His servants in the world. In fact, the work we are able to do with younger women who are not our own physical offspring may well be more valuable. There are times when a young person will listen more receptively to an older friend who is not her parent than she will to her own mother. As one of my favourite writers has asked,

Are you disappointed at the thought of never having a son or daughter? Do you suffer the agony of being childless? Do not despair. Just as Paul called Timothy ‘my true son’ (1 Timothy 1:2), you can reach out to others with the gospel of Christ and become spiritual mothers and fathers to many children.Richard Pratt, Designed for Dignity, p. 32

So, I have two themes this month – the things we can learn at each stage of our lives, and the ways we can use these lessons to help other women, less advanced on their own pilgrimages.

The Wisdom of Other Women⤒🔗

If you’ve read or heard Susan Hunt you’ll know that these are subjects close to her heart. To make this discussion more interesting to you, and to include the perspective of others who’ve also given some thought to her ideas, I thought I’d ask a number of women in different stages of life to share their pearls of wisdom with me. What follows is a combination of their thoughts and mine.

Young single women (teenage years and twenties) face some important decisions and choices. They are at the stage of life when they decide what they will study, what career path they will follow, and whom they will marry. This can be the cause of some insecurity. Questions like: “How do I know whether this course of study, or this career choice will really mean serving God? Is engineering better than teaching; or psychology worse than biochemistry? Should I go straight from school to an unskilled job, or should I do a course in hairdressing? How will I serve Christ better by doing one of these instead of the other? Am I good enough at any of these things to succeed in life? What if I don’t succeed?” And so on...

The Important Priorities←⤒🔗

But all of these questions are outweighed by the more important question of what am I doing to set the right spiritual priorities for my life? These young, single years are the prime ones for getting to know the Lord. Apart from our studies, and duties to our parents, we have very few responsibilities. We have more time to read – usually – than we will have later. We have the opportunity to set patterns of regular bible reading and prayer; and being young, have fewer ingrained bad habits of slothfulness to overcome. “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth” (Ecclesiastes 12:1) is an instruction that we will have overlooked to our peril later in life. If we’ve learned the discipline (and blessings) of a close walk with God early in life, we’ve got much more likelihood of keeping it going when small children, and all their demands, come along. Furthermore, we’re able to feed, if necessary, on the store of what we’ve learned in the few years earlier.

Keeping Focused←⤒🔗

Younger women also talk about the temptation to be distracted by boys, clothes and the materialistic side of life. This, of course, is what the world gears young women to think about – and these are the very thoughts that compete with our devotion to God. Sometimes, young women struggle with the sinful desire to dress immodestly; to attract attention to their bodies in an unhelpful way. As with all of God’s gifts, there is nothing inherently wrong with either boys or clothes; but to everything there is a time – and the truth is, we are far more likely to find the right man to marry when we are giving ourselves whole­heartedly to God’s work and not thinking too much about the man!

When one marries, if that is God’s blessing for us, some of these anxieties and uncertainties are replaced by the certainties of commitment to the life’s path of our husband. But, of course, as every married woman will tell you, that involves new challenges – adapting our desires to someone else’s, sharing his interests, friends and so on. It means finding ways of serving God together –looking for the spiritual strengths we have in common so that our service as a couple matches the gifts of us both. For most married women, children are part of their life’s work; and that entails a giving up of self unlike almost any other calling in life. I always think of this point when I read Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 2:15. (“Women shall be saved through childbearing”) This does not mean salvation through the act of having a child; but the day-by-day outworking of that salvation in the form of faithful motherhood – in other words, the ongoing work of sanctification. And what an effective way to learn godliness! Bringing up children surely must teach patience and the putting of others first in a way that nothing else I can think of in life can. But of course, as sinners, this is frustrating at times. Tiredness, irritability, longing for “escape” from the constant presence of small children are all part of the struggle mothers face with their own hearts and circumstances.

Modelling←⤒🔗

As children grow up there is the challenge they pose in their teenage years. Often, a mother needs a good memory of her own teenage years (and the spiritual lessons she learned then) to talk her daughter through them. This is the time when a close, strong walk with the Lord; and solid knowledge of Him, won through many years of experience of Him, are of special importance to a Christian mother. Teenagers are testing, questioning and curious to see if their parents’ desire that they follow the Lord is backed by solid understanding and a credible example of the Christian life in their parents. Are we a model of what we want our children to be? This often depends on the choices we have made, and the way we have lived, at earlier stages of our lives!

The forties and fifties could be called “the prime of life”, since we are often at our most useful to others in His service. We have gained considerable insight into God’s Word if we have studied it faithfully over the years; and our experience of life should have given us plenty of practical wisdom when viewed through the lenses of the Word. But there are new challenges at this time of life. We start to have a little less energy than we had at 20 or 30; and with these premonitions of aging come, for some anyway, a little insecurity. We’re not so sure, perhaps, of our calling in life. Children have grown up and left home; we’re a little less employable than we used to be. And, while teenagers seem to have few doubts about how they should dress, many “middle-aged” women (I think) are confused. What’s appropriate for 20 isn’t dignified at 40 or 50; and while we might be anxious about not seeming “old”, we can look a bit silly in fashions designed for extreme youth. The prime of life needs to be appreciated, seized with open arms; and accepted with the dignity that is becoming to it.

Finally, the senior years, those when many enjoy grandchildren and the sense of fulfilment that comes when God establishes for us the work of our hands (Psalm 90:17), are the ones we can look forward to with hope and confidence, if we have made it a habit to put the Lord first all our lives. Our relationship with Him will have deepened, grown, flourished; and the time when we go to be with Him forever will be coming soon. But of course, from the perspective of this life, these things are not easy. As Ecclesiastes 12 warns, we tend to suffer physical infirmities; and they are uncomfortable, annoying, even distressing. But, if we have worked on our hearts at earlier stages in life, we will be able to cope with these testing experiences even though decreasing energy weakens our will to resist. (A fear I have in my middle years is that I won’t have learned to curb my sinful reactions to difficulties before old age decreases my defences against them). “Does the struggle against sin get any easier as you become older?” someone once asked a very senior saint (Cornelius van Til). “No”, this wise and godly old man replied, “it gets harder.”

Being Sisters in the Lord←⤒🔗

Well, the question we all need to have as we review the stages in life that we women will pass through is – how can we assist each other as sisters in Christ to serve God more faithfully in each of them? It’s clear from Titus 2 that older women can – and ought to be­ helping their younger sisters in the church to live for Christ. This is an extremely desirable way for women to live together in the church! Friendships across the generations are something all the women who’ve shared their thoughts with me hunger for. Younger women said they’d just love the interest and the time of older women in the church. One thing that would particularly help is becoming a prayer-partner with a younger woman. Doing this is offering to take a deep interest in the concerns, struggles and joys of a young woman, and is a way you can share your wisdom and develop a friendship. Younger women can be a big encouragement, too. Somebody told me one younger woman asked, “Could we come around to your house sometimes and cook a meal?” (It’s more fun to do this in someone else’s kitchen than Mum’s!) For a busy, tired mother of a young family, wouldn’t this be a little bit of fun as well? For those in the middle years, wondering about their current calling in life, the company of young women can be very energizing. It’s great to talk over the choices and challenges faced by a young friend, and to offer, from experience, some perspective on the benefits – and the consequences­ of different important choices made when you’re young. Last year, I enjoyed the experience of talking about Josh Harris’s ideas on courtship, marriage, and remaining healthily single, with two lively young ladies from Germany (yes, these incredibly popular books have been translated into German as well, and the initiative for these discussions was theirs!). It does you a lot of good to realise that younger women actually want and value your insights. And their freshness and excitement is infectious!

A Teacher has to have Learnt←⤒🔗

But there are some qualifications for being a helpful older friend. We need to have something to impart, for a start! Have we learned our lessons in the school of Christian life as we’ve become older? Are we, in fact, wiser as a result of our experience than we were twenty years ago? Are we better able to discern right from wrong? Do we serve God with more clarity of purpose? Are we more content with our circumstances than we once were? And most important of all, can we articulate these things, and show our younger friend where to find directions for them, as they occur in her life, in the Scriptures? We do need to be able to communicate, in words, the lessons of the faith.

The Desire←⤒🔗

Secondly, we need to be warm and approachable. When asked what things hinder older women-younger women friendships in our churches, most said things like, “Oh, everyone seems so busy doing ‘church activities,’” or, “The older women seem so busy with their own families,” and, “Some think the younger women won’t listen anyway.” But we have to ask ourselves if we make it obvious we’d like to help, and be friends with women of other generations. If we’re older, do we go out of our way to chat with younger girls in the church? Do we take an interest in their daily activities? Have we thought about inviting them into our homes, on their own, without their mother or sisters or older brothers? If you’re younger, do you ever detach yourselves from your circle of teenage friends to talk with, or even help, the younger mother or elderly lady? Have you thought about the impression row upon row of young people sitting in impenetrable ranks at the back of the church gives to those of us in other age-groups? Why not break out of the mould and go and sit with a middle-aged couple, or a young family, or a lonely elderly widow? Put your warm smile to good purpose!

So how do we get started with inter-generational friendships? By setting up another organised church activity for it, or a committee, or a roster? No, all it takes is willing women whose desire is to befriend others and see them mature in Christ.