If the congregation is rather small, the deacons will often assist the elders on family visitation. In a large congre­gation, the minister and elders do family visitation together. This does not mean that the visit from a minister is more important than that of the elders and deacons, although it is fitting that an elder or deacon let the minister do most of the talking. On the other hand, it is not proper if elders or deacons are totally silent and only let the minister speak. Each one has a responsibility. They are all sent for Christ's sake, and God gives each his talents as He pleases. To one He gives ten, another five, and another one talent. Each has to see to it how he uses his given talents.

Since it is a custom to make two visits an evening, we should not waste time speaking of everyday things. It is important to ask about the household's well-being since our social life is also a large part of our lives. It is often hard to lead a conversation or make a good beginning. In that respect, it would be profitable to open with prayer and read a chapter from the Bible. This eliminates the idea that it is a social visit. We must always remember that we come with God's Word and in God's Name as His servants. The care of the flock and where they feed is nothing else but the proclamation of God's Word and the adherence to the sacraments. It is also the staff whereby the flock is controlled. With this foundation, a prayerful heart, and the leading of God's Spirit, we look for the fulfillment of Christ's promise, "And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world" (Matt. 28:20b). When with obe­dience and trust and His command, we go forth and instruct all people, teaching them to observe all that He has commanded, then we can expect His help. He that hath promised is faithful.

The apostle Paul in his pastoral letter speaks about warnings, admonitions, comforting, and instructing men, women, children, etc. This does not mean we have to follow a certain order, as first the father, followed by the mother, and then the children, from the eldest to the youngest. Try to re­move all tension and initiate a cordial conversation in an attentive manner.

It is essential to speak about the practice of Christian life, especially the means of grace and the administra­tion of the Word and sacraments, also the responsibility of the father in his priestly office to offer verbal prayers. It is improper to always offer silent prayers. If the father is absent, then the mother must assume this responsibility. It is a great blessing if children grow up in a household where both parents pray aloud. It should also be pointed out that the family should unitedly bow their knees at the end of the day to confess their sins and shortcomings and to acknowledge the Lord for all His blessings. There can be peace in our heart if we can, unitedly with our children, cast all our cares on the Lord. I fear that in many households the altar is broken down. Emphasize also the ne­cessity of personal reading of the Scrip­ture and that each member of the family has his/her own Bible and reads a portion of it before going to bed. Speak to young people on their own level. Recommend the service of the Lord and point out the emptiness of the world in serving sin. Admonish them to seek the Lord in their youth. Much more transpires in youthful hearts than we can imagine.

Watch and pray that you do not become a moral preacher who only comes with laws, but that advice is given in accordance with the true fear of God, with the desire for the upbuilding of His church. Then it is not improper to speak about a personal, spiritual experience to edify others and to exalt the loveliness and preciousness of the Lord Jesus Christ. And if we have found Him to be the chiefest among ten thousand, we also have a desire to win others to Him. If we have found death in our own works, then we cannot encourage others to look at self.

The exercises and life of faith must be expounded, the inner strife between the old and new man, and also that the old man must decrease and the new man increase. Speak about the neces­sity of the new birth and its fruits. There is much superficial faith whereby people assume they are children of God. In the meantime, the new birth remains the condition to enter the kingdom of heaven, and the fruits are a godly life with the Lord. We cannot serve God and the world. Whoever is a friend of God is an enemy of the world, and that is revealed in family life.

Point out a person's responsibility. If God's Word is a focal point in family visitation, then we also will speak about the consequences of holy baptism both to parents as well as to children. When the parents answered "yes," they bound themselves to instruct or help to instruct in the aforementioned doctrine. What schools do your children attend? Do you speak with them about what they were taught? The meaning for children is that as a result of baptism, they are admonished and bound to a new obedience, that they must not frequent places where the devil is worshipped. Who are your friends, and where do you look for a partner in life? If all these points are addressed, then an hour flies by quickly. We should also be prepared for a request to talk privately. This can happen when someone is unusually reserved and is un­able to speak with others present. These exceptions are allowed. We need not always adhere to common rules, nor do we know the present circum­stances of each family.

At the close of the visit, we ask if there are any questions concerning the church or congregational life. As office-bearer, we feel rather apprehensive ask­ing this question, for then even the most quiet person often has much to say.

Before leaving, there must be a word of prayer. The office-bearers decide ahead of time who will offer the prayer. Prayer is speaking with God. This prayer may not be used as an op­portunity to tell the family things that were not said during the visit because of fear of man. Bring the needs, cares, and blessings of the whole family to the Lord, not forgetting the children and the little ones already in bed. There may also be grown children living on their own or working in hospitals or institu­tions. Let the words of the prayer be few. Do not repeat the conversation of the evening in this prayer. The Lord says, "But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions." This is also a lesson for office-bearers. We always need the teachings of the Spirit to pray. After prayer, the visit is over. Do not begin again. For the office-bearer, however, it is not yet done. It is a good idea to make notes for yourself and bring a report before the consistory. It is also right to bow your knees before the Lord – you have gone in the Lord's Name – to ask an answer as to the effect of the preaching or reading services. And now you go home to bring that answer back to the Lord.

Often we come home feeling our shortcomings. We spoke when we should have kept silent, and were silent when we should have spoken. Sometimes we go home discouraged, other times proud and presumptuous. As office-bearers we need pardoning grace for our shortcomings. That is why prayer is so very necessary, to humble us before the Lord, and to ask for His indispensable blessing. Let us never be satisfied with self. Wait on the Lord who can use the weakest of means to accomplish mighty acts. When we, through faith, may rest in the work of the great Office-bearer, there will be peace in our hearts – not because we have done well but because He makes all well.

Is the work as an office-bearer now finished? The gardener waits for growth. He is not finished after he has sown the seed and cultivated the ground. He looks for fruits on his labors. This is also the duty of an office-bearer. In his personal prayer he must bring this important part of his work before the Lord. Waiting is hard work and often takes long.

There is one more obligation for an office-bearer after family visitation, and that is to keep the visits confidential. It appears that many people are reluctant to say anything personal because oth­ers may hear of it. This could be done in innocence, but it has devastating ef­fects. It takes away the trust and openness in the conversation. Even the family of the office-bearer should not know the details of family visitations. When one abuses this trust, he should not be surprised when he finds himself plowing the rocks. A brother who is not able to keep silent is not quali­fied for this responsible task. The fruits of the abuse of this trust are bitterness and division. Take heed to this proverb: "Silence is golden."