19.1 Key themes⤒🔗

• An overseer must lead his children with dignity.
  - This means he must lead them in a way that is worthy of respect.
• An overseer must lead his children with authority.
  - This means that his children must obey him, and not be wild or rebellious.
• We do not think this means that all an overseer’s children must be believers.
• If an overseer’s child grows up to reject the gospel, the church must find out if the overseer has been above reproach in this matter.
• An unmarried man can also become an overseer, if it is clear that he is faithful in all his responsibilities.

19.2 – 1 Timothy 3:4-5←⤒🔗

^4. He must manage his own household well and keep his children in control without losing his dignity.

^5. But if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God?

© NET Bible

19.3 Titus 1:6-7a (ESV)←⤒🔗

^6. if anyone is above reproach , the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination . 

^7. For an overseer , as God's steward , must be above reproach…

© NET Bible

19.4 The overseer as father←⤒🔗

In Lesson 18 we focused on the first part of 1 Timothy 3:4: “He must manage his own household well.” In this lesson we will focus on the second part: “and keep his children in control without losing his dignity.” These words tell us more about what it means to manage a household well.

From Paul’s words we learn that a man must lead his children with dignity and with authority. Let us think about these two things:

Dignity←↰⤒🔗

To live with “dignity” is to live a life that is worthy of respect. This is how all the people of God should live (1 Timothy 2:2).

A person with dignity is a serious person. He is serious about the important things of life. But he is also a joyful person. He does not live with fear. He trusts and rejoices in his God (for example, see Proverbs 31:25).

An overseer should lead his children in a way that is worthy of respect. His children should respect him because they see that he fears God and that he also respects them.

Authority←↰⤒🔗

1 Timothy 3:4 says that an overseer should “keep his children in control.” This means that he must have authority over his children.

It is easy to see if a man has authority over his children or not. If he has authority, his children will obey him (most of the time, and more and more as they grow up). They will obey him not because they are afraid, but because they respect him.

Of course, no father or child is perfect! But, according to Titus 1:6, an overseer’s children may not be guilty of “debauchery or insubordination.” This means that they must not be wild (out of control) or rebellious.

Why should an overseer’s children not be guilty of these things? In the next verse, Paul gives the reason: “For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach” (Titus 1:7). An overseer must not be in a position where people can reproach him and say, “This man cannot even control his own children. How can he tell me what to do?”

19.5 Must an overseer’s children be believers?←⤒🔗

Some Christians say that a man’s children must be believers, otherwise, he cannot be an overseer. There are two reasons why they say this:

1. Titus 1:6 (in the ESV) says, “If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.” 
    
2. Unbelieving children may be a sign that a man has not managed his household well. Many times, when children and young people turn away from God, it is because their parents have not raised them in God’s ways. As Proverbs 22:6 says, “train a child in the way that he should go; and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

A father must continually pray for his children. He must do everything he can to lead all of them to Christ. But we do not think that a father’s children must be believers, before he can become an overseer. Here are our reasons:

1. The Greek word pistis, which is used in Titus 1:6, can also mean “faithful.”  This is what the verse looks like in New English Translation (and you can also look at the New King James Version):
   
   “An elder must be blameless, the husband of one wife, with faithful children who cannot be charged with dissipation or rebellion.”
   
   Being “faithful” simply means being obedient to your leader. This fits well with the rest of the verse, which tells us that the children must not be wild or rebellious. A faithful child is a child who basically obeys his parents. This is exactly what Paul says about an overseer’s children in 1 Timothy 3:4.
   
   If this understanding of Titus 1:6 is correct, then an overseer’s children do not have to be believers. But they have to be faithful to their father’s leadership. At least while they live with him in the home, their actions must show that they respect him as their father.
    
2. It is not always the fault of parents if their children turn away from God. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way that he should go; and when he is old he will not turn from it.” But the book of Proverbs tells us how things normally work. It does not give promises of how things will always work.

Let us take another example: Proverbs 10:12 tells us that “hatred stirs up conflict.” Does this mean that hatred will always cause conflict? No, but normally it will. Likewise, if we train our children in God’s ways, they will normally not depart from God’s ways. This is a great encouragement for parents. God is merciful and he loves to work in families!

But in the end, God alone can give true faith to our children (Ephesians 2:8). Also, every child is responsible for his own choices.

19.6 Examine the situation←⤒🔗

Let us say that a man is an overseer (or he may become an overseer), and some of his children have grown up and rejected the gospel. Then other overseers should talk to this overseer and his family. They should find out the truth about the situation, pray, and make a decision.

If the man has not managed his family well, then he is probably not the right person to care for God’s church (1 Timothy 3:5).

Also, if the man’s children are acting in ways that bring shame on him (and shame on the church), it may be best to release him. An overseer, as we have seen, must be above reproach.

But it may become clear that this man is a good leader of his household. He continues to lead his family with dignity and with authority. All his children may not be true believers. But none of them (at least none of them who live in his home) are wild and rebellious. In all things he is above reproach. Such a man, we think, should still be allowed to lead God’s church.

19.7 Must an overseer have a wife and children?←⤒🔗

Let us end by answering one last question: Must a man have a wife and children, before he can be an overseer? No. As we have seen in Lesson 3, an overseer can be married or unmarried.

Even if a man is not married, he still has a household. He still has many responsibilities: at his home, at his work, in his greater family, and in his community.

How is the man managing his finances? How does he take care of his house? How does he act at work? How does he care for his elderly parents? These are some of the questions that a church can ask, if they want to make an unmarried man an elder. (These questions can also be asked about a married man!)