4.1 Key themes⤒🔗

• When an elder divorces his wife, he should not be an elder anymore.
• However, if the elder was not guilty in the divorce, he can continue to be an elder.
• If a man has been divorced and remarried long ago (before he became a believer), it is possible for him to become an elder.
• In every situation of divorce, the church should find out the facts, study the Bible, and pray for wisdom.
• An elder can remarry after his wife has died.
• A man who has more than one wife should not become an elder.

4.2 Titus 1:7a←⤒🔗

^7a For the overseer must be blameless  as one entrusted  with God’s work.

© NET Bible

4.3 Three questions←⤒🔗

In Lesson 3 we have looked at the second qualification of an elder: he must be a one-woman man. Because this qualification is so important, we must make sure that we understand it in the right way. In this lesson we will discuss three questions that are sometimes asked:

1. What about men who have been divorced?
2. What about men who have remarried?
3. What if polygamy is part of the culture?

4.4 What about men who have been divorced?←⤒🔗

God made marriage to be for life. Divorce is something that he hates (Malachi 2:16; Mark 10:11-12). Does that mean that an elder may not be a divorced man?

To answer this question, we will look at a few different situations. While we look at these situations, always remember the reason why an elder must be a one-woman man. The reason is clearly given to us in Titus 1:7: “For the overseer must be blameless as one entrusted with God’s work.”

Situation #1: An elder who divorces his wife←↰⤒🔗

Imagine that there is an elder in your town who has marriage problems. He decides to divorce his wife and to marry another woman.

Is this elder above reproach? No. He has broken his promises to God and to his wife. How will he be able to lead the people of God? How will he say to husbands, “You must love your wives”? How will he say to people, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1)?

The church should tell this elder that he can no longer be an elder. Even if he has been a wonderful elder, he should stop being one.

That does not mean that such a man cannot be forgiven. The church should remind this man of the gospel. They should encourage him to trust in Jesus Christ, to repent from his sin, and to go back to his wife. If his wife does not want to take him back, then he should stay unmarried (Matthew 19:9).

If this man repents from his sin, he should be welcomed into the church. But the church should be very careful before they make him an elder again.

Situation #2: An elder whose wife leaves him←↰⤒🔗

Imagine that there is another elder in your town who also has marriage problems. His wife tells him that she no longer wants to stay with him. She moves out and goes to stay with another man. He and some other church members try to talk with her. But she does not want to listen.

According to the Bible, this elder is allowed to divorce his wife (Matthew 5:32; 1 Corinthians 7:15). But the church should still ask the question: “Why did the elder’s wife leave him?” Is it because he made life very difficult for her? Then he is not above reproach. If he did not take good care of his wife, he cannot take care of God’s church.

Maybe the elder has been a good husband to his wife. Maybe he has done everything he could to save the marriage. If that is true, then he is above reproach. It is clear to everyone that he is not the guilty one. He can continue to be an elder.

Now, what if this elder wants to remarry? Then another problem comes in. In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 we read that a divorced believer has two options. He (or she) must

1. stay unmarried (until the first wife or husband dies); or
2. be reconciled to the first wife or husband.

If the elder stays unmarried, he shows that he is still serious about the covenant of marriage. Even if his wife has broken the marriage, he will not do the same. As Jesus says in Matthew 19:6, “what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Not all Christians agree on this matter. There are many Christians who will say something like this: “If you have not been guilty in the divorce, then you are free in God’s eyes (see 1 Corinthians 7:15). It is not your fault that the marriage has been broken. You are allowed to remarry.”

Every church must do careful Bible study about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Know what you believe about these things. Then you will know what to expect of elders and other church members.

In Part 2 of this lesson, we will look at a third situation of divorce.

Situation #3: An elder who was divorced long ago←↰⤒🔗

Imagine that there is a man in your church who used to live without God. He got divorced from his first wife and married someone else. But then he and his second wife came to know God. They have been part of the church for a few years now. They love God and they love God’s people.

Can this man become an elder? Is he a “one-woman man”? The answer is Yes. The qualification “one-woman man” is not about a man’s past. It is about who that man is now.

Has the man confessed his sin? Is he living a new life? Do people inside and outside the church respect him? Can he say to people, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1)? Then he can become an elder.

So, can a divorced man be an elder? Sometimes the answer is Yes. Sometimes the answer is No. In every situation the church should find out the facts, study the Bible, and pray for wisdom.

4.5 What about remarriage?←⤒🔗

Now we are ready to think about another question, and that is, what about a man who has been remarried (or who wants to remarry)?

God (and only God) has the right to end a marriage. The way in which God ends a marriage is through death. That is why Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:39: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

There are some people who think that an elder may never remarry. That is not true. Any believer may marry again, after his wife (or her husband) has died (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). If an elder does this, he is still above reproach. He is still a one-woman man.

4.6 What if polygamy is part of the culture?←⤒🔗

In many cultures it is common for a man to have two (or more) wives. This practice is called “polygamy.”

Polygamy is not God’s plan for marriage. God made marriage to be a lifelong union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:22-25; Matthew 19:4-8). In the Old Testament, we see that polygamy always creates problems (for example, see Genesis 29-30; 1 Samuel 1).

Now someone can ask, “If polygamy is wrong, then why did God allow it?” To answer this question, we can look at Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:8. The Pharisees had asked him why Moses had allowed divorce. He answered them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.”

In the time of the Old Testament, God allowed divorce and polygamy because of the hardness of his people’s hearts. But by the time of the New Testament, such things were no longer allowed. As the people of God, we should hate these things just as God hates them.

A man may become a believer later in his life, when he is already married to many wives. Then the church must think carefully how they can help him (and his wives) to follow Christ in this situation. In any case, as long as he has more than one wife, he should not become an elder. God’s Word clearly tells us that an elder must be above reproach and a one-woman man.