3.1 Key themes⤒🔗

• The second qualification of an elder is that he must be the husband of one wife.
• The first and second qualifications are closely connected.
  - A man can only be above reproach if he is the husband of one wife.
• To be “the husband of one wife” means to be “a one-woman man.”
  - If a man is unmarried, he must respect the holiness of marriage.
  - If a man is married, he must love his wife and be faithful to her.
• To be a one-woman man, you should
  1. stay far away from sexual temptation;
  2. love your wife (if you are married);
  3. rejoice in the Lord.

3.2 – 1 Timothy 3:1-2b←⤒🔗

^1. This saying is trustworthy: 'If someone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a good work.'

^2. The overseer then must be above reproach, the husband of one wife…

3.3 Titus 1:5-7a (ESV)←⤒🔗

^5. This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you— 

^6. if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. 

^7. For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach…

3.4 Two connected qualifications←⤒🔗

In 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9, the Holy Spirit gives us the qualifications of an elder. These are the things that a person must be or know or do, before he can be chosen as an elder.

1 Timothy 3:1-7 the qualifications begin in this way: “The overseer then must be above reproach, the husband of one wife.”

In Titus 1:5-9 the qualifications begin in this way: “if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife...”

Do you see in both passages the first and second qualifications are the same. Clearly, these two qualifications are very important. When the church chooses an elder, they must begin by asking, “Is this man above reproach?” and, “Is this man the husband of one wife?”

The two qualifications are closely connected. A man can only be above reproach if he is the husband of one wife (see Titus 1:6-7).

In Lesson 2 we have seen what it means to be “above reproach” (or “blameless”). In this lesson we will focus on the second qualification: an overseer must be “the husband of one wife”).

3.5 A one-woman man←⤒🔗

What does it mean to be “the husband of one wife”? To understand these words, we must remember that they were first written in the Greek language. In Greek there is only one word for “husband” and “man.” There is also only one word for “wife” and “woman.” So, when we read that an elder must be “the husband of one wife,” it can also mean that an elder must be “the man of one woman.”

We can say this in another way. We can say that an elder must be a “one-woman man.” According to many people, this is the best way to understand the Greek words that were used by Paul.

When a man is a “one-woman man,” it means that he is sexually pure. It does not have to mean that he is married. Jesus, our Great Elder, was never married. Paul, who was also an elder, was never married. Some people can serve God better if they stay unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

But if a man is unmarried, he must not look for sex outside of marriage. His reason for being unmarried must not be that he wants to have many women in his life. He must respect the holiness of marriage.

And if a man is married, he must be married only to one woman. This was God’s plan for marriage from the beginning. In Genesis 2:24 God says, “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (ESV). If you “hold fast” to your wife, it means that you love her and that you have eyes only for her.

When a church chooses an elder, this is the kind of man that they must choose. The man can be married or unmarried. But he must be the kind of man that is a one-woman’s-man. He must be above reproach in the area of marriage and sex.

3.6 How to be a one-woman man←⤒🔗

In the time of the New Testament, it was not easy to find a “one-woman man.” Most men had sexual relationships outside of marriage. A man could be married and have many other lovers at the same time. Also, it was easy for men to divorce their wives if they were not happy with them.

Today a “one-woman man” is still hard to find. For example, a man can be married to only one woman, but he can treat this woman badly. Or he can look at pornography. Or he can have a desire in his heart for another woman. Such men are not “one-woman men.” They may be faithful on the outside, but in their hearts they are unfaithful (Matthew 5:28).

How can you make sure that you are a one-woman man? Here are three ways:

1. Stay far away from sexual temptation.←↰⤒🔗

In Proverbs 5:8 a father warns his son against adulterous women. He says to his son, “Keep yourself far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.”

Know that Satan will try to temp you. Make plans to stay far away from his temptations. That is what Joseph did. When Potiphar’s wife tried to get him in bed with her, he ran away! (Genesis 39:12). Job also made a plan. In Job 31:1, he says, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman” (NIV).

What plans do you need to make to stay far away from sexual temptation? Here are three examples of plans that you could make:

• Look away quickly when you see a woman (or a picture of a woman) who is not properly dressed.
• Do not listen to songs or watch movies that are sexually tempting.
• If you are an elder, take another woman or a man with you when you visit the home of a woman.

2. If you are married, then love your wife.←↰⤒🔗

A good marriage is a very powerful thing. One of the things that a good marriage can do, is to protect us against Satan’s temptations (1 Corinthians 7:1-4).

That is why the father of Proverbs also says to his son,

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife you married in your youth—a loving doe, a graceful deer; may her breasts satisfy you at all times, may you be captivated by her love always.

Marriage and sex are wonderful gifts from God. Enjoy these gifts with the wife that God has given you. Work hard to be close to your wife and to love her, just as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).

3. Rejoice in the Lord.←↰⤒🔗

Philippians 4:4 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!” You may have a difficult marriage. You may be unmarried and wish for a wife. There may be many other problems in your life. But you can still, always, rejoice in the Lord!

Fill your mind with the truths of God’s Word. Enjoy the many good gifts that God gives you every day. Above all, think about the gospel. You were lost in sin. But God gave his beloved Son to die for you and give you life.

If you think about these things, you will learn to rejoice in the Lord. You will learn to be content with the life that God has given you. You will not look for joy in the wrong places. You will have the strength to be a one-woman man.

There are some important questions that we have not discussed in this lesson. For example, What about a man who has been divorced? Can he never become an elder? In Lesson 4 we will discuss this question and a few others.