Among the many complex problems that we are being presented with today as ministers of the Word, there is probably none more difficult and disturbing as that of sexual abuse. What approach do you take when people inform you that they have been abused in this way? What do you do when you suspect that the underlying problem beneath other apparent dif­ficulties is one of abuse? And how do you deal with the abusers? And what about the families, immedi­ate and extended, who are affected by the divisions and tensions that abuse brings with it?

To be frank, this is the kind of predicament I have found myself in and still do. By nature, I don't find myself drawn to the subject. My interests lie elsewhere. I consider myself foremostly a preacher and teacher of the flock, and only secondarily or even less so, a counselor. I can even dismiss it all by saying that dealing with sexual abuse was never part of my seminary training, some fifteen years ago; but then I know that the truth is that no one was being instructed in it in those days. Not that it was not there, for the problem is surely as old as civilization; but it had not been identified as such. So what do we do? Can we wash our hands of it all and suggest that it's the task of the psychologists and counselors? To an extent, perhaps. But still they are our sheep, whom we have to deal with, whom we must relate to, and sooner or later we will come to know that their wounds are deep, their families are torn by it, and help is not always as forthcoming as we and they would like. When the sheep are hurting, then the conscientious shepherd will surely feel the need to ascertain that healing is brought into their lives either by himself or by another.

And it is in that regard then, that I have come into contact with the work of Dr. Dan B. Allender and the approach that he has worked out in his book The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Child­hood Sexual Abuse.¹ It was also my privilege last spring to attend a three day seminar where Dr. Allender presented that material and more. It really was nothing less than a "spiritual feast" to sit at his feet for three days, for the heart of his message is something that reaches into the lives of everyone regardless of whether they have been abused. Let me say as well that I am not the first, but probably at least the fourth Canadian Reformed minister to attend these seminars which have been held throughout this continent — and all had a great deal of praise for what they learned and experienced.

As to my intention this afternoon, let me make it clear that I do not want to suggest that Allender's approach is the only approach, or that he is some kind of original inventor of a new therapy. From my selective reading I see that he shares much with others but I suspect that his approach does have a few distinctive and deeper aspects. It's not my inten­tion either to offer you a critical analysis of his approach. I may be able to express some concerns later, but I'm really more sympathetic than critical. I have no doubt that communally we will be more critical than I have been. Besides, from a psychologi­cal point of view, I'm really not qualified to criticize, and from a theological point of view (if I may pre­sume some qualification there), I find little to criti­cize. Rather, it's my intention to review his approach for you and possibly to awaken in you some interest in this subject. My concern really is that we might all be more equipped to deal with this difficult subject — for the sake of those emotionally wounded sheep that God has entrusted in our care.

I suspect that one of the reasons that Allender's approach is attractive to us is because his theological background is similar to our own. He holds a Master of Divinity degree from Westminster Theological Seminary, and later earned also a Ph.D. in psychol­ogy from Michigan State University. The combina­tion seems to make him a unique man of refreshingly deep insight into the Word of God as well as pro­found understanding of the complexities of the hu­man heart. He is now associated with Dr. Larry Crabb in the Institute of Biblical Counseling and teaches with his friend and associate, Dr. Crabb, at the Colorado Christian University.

It's also striking that Allender has mentioned that in all his education as well, even in psychology, there never was a single lecture or even a word about the topic of sexual abuse.

It is of course tremendous that in our day help is being offered for this problem which is as old as sin itself, as it surely can have nothing short of life changing effects on those who are victims. Yet it places a tremendous burden on those who are in the helping professions. It also causes one to wonder how much abuse has played a role with many trou­bled people in the past? While we should of course not take a "communist-behind-every-tree" approach, one might be led to suspect that behind many trou­bled individuals in former generations there was a history of abuse to some degree or the other.

But let me give you then a review of what Allender is teaching. Let's see if I can summarize a 250 page book and a three day seminar in 40 minutes.

The Damage of Abuse⤒🔗

Allender urges us first of all to beware of simplistic answers. Simply telling a person to "just trust God," to "just forget about it," or blaming the person for "being in the wrong place" only increases the anger and the frustration. The result is that the victim will conclude that you simply do not understand the hurt, have nothing to offer, and will find healing elsewhere. And if they cannot find it with you, they may find it elsewhere. Upon learning that some of my sheep were going to a seminar locally, I chose to join them and found there a presentation by two ladies of the Pentecostal persuasion. Despite some positive points, their theology was of the superficial sort and even heretical at one point — people being told that just as man is tripartite so God is tripartite, and in the healing process the Father relates to our body, the Son to our soul, and the Spirit to our spirit! And the heart of their therapy consisted in prayer through which the demons would be cast out of the victims. Beware, brothers, if we don't give direction, they'll go off in every way!

The simple fact is that quick cures and simple answers minimize the profound damage done to the soul by sexual abuse. Allender's suggestion is that the problem of sexual abuse is essentially a spiritual problem. Abuse, he says, can bring about nothing less than a shut-down of the human soul before God. In seminar, Allender said: "abuse is Satan's pleasur­able way to steal the soul." Its profoundest questions are spiritual: "where was and is God in all this?" "If God allows this, who am I to God and who is God to me?" It strikes at the very core of being the image of God. One no longer enjoys maleness or femaleness. Abuse shuts down the heart so that the glory of God no longer shines as brilliantly. The abused person leaves with a sense that "things will never be the same again."

Allender defines sexual abuse as: 

any contact or interaction (visual, verbal, or psychological) between a child/adolescent and an adult when the child/adolescent is being used for the sexual stimu­lation of the perpetrator or any other person.p.30

He suggests that the degree of trauma associ­ated with abuse will be related to many factors, including the relationship with the perpetrator, the severity of the intrusion, use of violence, age of the perpetrator, and the duration of abuse. But in every case of abuse, there will be damage (p.36), just as there will be damage whether one is hit by a Mack truck traveling 50 miles per hour, or 'merely' hit by a tricycle rolling at the same speed. Damage will also be "in direct proportion to the degree that it disrupts the protection and nurturance of the parental bond" (either through parental involvement, approval, si­lence, etc.). There is probably no more damaging form of abuse than that of father and daughter; a relationship from which so much is needed and expected is destroyed and attacks the very founda­tions of life. Imagine too what it does to a child later to realize that one spouse has actually known about the abuse but chose the option of silence instead.

Furthermore Allender notes, as do others, that few abuse victims come from happy, warm homes. About 29% of abusive events occur with family members, or with someone else known by the victim (60%). Only 11% is perpetrated by a stranger!

The abuse follows typical sequence of stages:

1.  Development of intimacy and secrecy
    
2.  Enjoyment of physical touch that appears appropriate
    
3. Sexual abuse proper (physical contact or psychological in­teraction)
    
4. Maintenance of the abuse and secrecy through threats and privileges.

The damage of past abuse is such, according to Allender (and everyone else, it seems) that its effects are not just felt in some corner of their lives. But the effects are really felt in every area of life. Abuse sets in motion a complex scheme of self-protective defenses that operate largely outside of the aware­ness of the victims, but they really do guide them in every way, influencing the manner in which they interact with others, the spouse they select, the jobs they pursue, the theologies they embrace, and the fabric of their entire lives (p. 20-21).

Moving on to the dynamics of the abuse itself, Allender points first to the power of shame. At some point after the abuse, an intense feeling of shame sets in, particularly when the abuse becomes known to others. "The natural response to shame is to cower and to condemn our own soul for being so foolish as to hope, want, or risk" (p.51). Think of Adam and Eve in the garden covering themselves and hiding from God on account of their shame.

Rather than dealing with his own sin, fallen man resorts to a shield that deflects it — the power of contempt. Contempt takes two forms: self-contempt and other-centered contempt. Other-centered con­tempt is often used with respect to those who are penetrating their facade and are coming too close. With contempt we want to drive them away from us. Think again of Adam, who covered his own shame with this kind of contempt, even in the face of God: "The woman whom you gave me." (p.67). Victims of abuse resort also to self-contempt by punishing the body for existing and wanting or by destroying her enjoyment of being a woman through negative evalu­ations of aspects of her body or character. Self-contempt in particular is Satan's counterfeit for con­viction over sin. It is a sorrow unto death rather than a sorrow to life. Contempt, says Allender, is a cruel anaesthetic for the longing of intimacy. It keeps people away. By condemning myself I block the potential of your movement toward me (you won't want to get near to me anymore) and I block even my own longing for you to care. By condemning you, I free myself from believing that I want anything from you. Contempt serves in at least four ways: it dimin­ishes our shame, it deadens our own longings, it makes us feel in control, and it distorts the real problem. Contempt is the Great Masquerade. Said Allender, "contempt is the Satanic glue that helps us to keep ourselves together for now." The real trag­edy of abuse is "that the enjoyment of one's body becomes the basis of a hatred of one's soul" (p.86).

There are other aspects to the damage. Allender describes the damage in terms of a tumultuous river of rage fed by the three streams of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence held back to some degree and for some time by the dam of denial. (p.92) The river rages through the soul, tearing away faith, hope and love. To take a close look at the river, it's necessary to travel up the river to the source of each separate stream. It involves of course to some degree a journey into the life of the victim as a child.

Powerlessness is one of the first feelings to overcome such a child. Neither wanting nor inviting the abuse, there are generally three causes for the sense of powerlessness. The inability to change a family. The impossibility of the child doing enough to change a dysfunctional family. On the one hand the child has nothing with which to compare her present home and thus is not entirely aware of its possible dysfunctionality/emptiness. To the degree that the child realizes something is not right, she will choose for a bad parent rather than no parent and will realize that addressing the problems will probably meet with undesired rage and anger. It will only make matters worse.

The inability to stop the abuser. The assault, whether sudden or carefully orches­trated, robbed the victim of the opportunity to choose. The effect is one of feeling small, helpless, and alone. Threats are often used to silence the victim. Shame is just as effective a tool, as is the threat of more exposure and humiliation. The inability to stop his or her own soul from bleeding. The heart aches and there is no immediate recourse for relief, except the soul-numbing choice to abandon a sense of being alive.

There are also several consequences of power­lessness for this developing child. Dominant through­out is the hatred of being weak. Others are as follows. Loss of a sense of pain. While pain is a gift, calling our attention to the fact that there are problems that must be dealt with, a sexually abused person often forfeits the experience of pain by a process of split­ting, denial, and loss of memory. Splitting involves an unconscious process of segmenting memories and feelings into separate categories of good or bad. The "good self" and the "bad self" are often sepa­rated by an iron curtain (E.g. multiple personality). Leads to a wall of denial which separates the mind from the agony in the heart. Loss of a sense of self. Sexually abused persons often seem like strangers to their own soul and history. Many times the chronic patterns of lying or deceit common to abused per­sons arise because of a forsaken history that forces them to concoct a past and a present that has no connection to their abused soul. The consequence is not only a loss of the past, but also a loss of the ability to judge the present and plan for the future. Loss of a sense of judgment. The judgement of those who have been abused will usually tend towards that which is defensive and self-serving. Judgment in the area of future relationships is often adversely af­fected as well.

The second stream involves the feeling of be­trayal. (p.108). When those whom we have trusted turn out to have taken advantage of us, the feeling of having been deceived and betrayed is aroused. Be­trayal not only affects how we subsequently relate to others, inflaming doubt, severing and making us suspicious about all relationships, but it also deep­ens hatred for ourselves. The person who is betrayed often laments: How could I have been so stupid? How could I have trusted someone who has been so deceitful? (Think, e.g., of how we react to car sales­man!? We leave wondering more about our own abilities than we do about the integrity of the sales­man.) So too with abuse. The one who was betrayed assumes that she could have prevented the betrayal if she was less needy or naive. The attack she then makes on herself is often more vicious than the original betrayal. The goal of that attack is to kill her hungry soul. She fears that if she stays open to her desire for relationship, she may foolishly open her­self to repeated betrayal. Thus nobody can be trusted, especially herself. After all, her own desires are what got her into trouble in the first place! Better to kill them than to be subjected to this again. Betrayal sets the stage for an intense, hyper vigilant suspicious­ness that often leads to a distortion or denial of accurate conclusions about oneself and others. Lack of ability to trust others is a key problem. The dam­age of betrayal is the deepening conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last. Intimacy is seen as a nice but unreal dream.

Ambivalence, the third category of internal dam­age is defined as "feeling two contradictory emotions at the same moment." Central to understand­ing ambivalence is the fact that the very thing that was despised also brought some degree of pleasure. Here lies one reason why it is of little help to tell a victim that it was not her fault: the irrational roots of false responsibility are sunk deep in the soil of con­tempt, bolstered by the unacknowledged or hated ambivalence. This will have its effect on future rela­tionships as well. (Allender speaks about the "sexualization of intimate relationships.") Allender speaks about the sexualization of all intimate rela­tions because of the former abuse. Intimacy, once fused with abuse, surfaces to some degree or an­other, whenever intimacy is experienced in other relationships. (On revictimization, see pp. 133-5). It is better than to keep relationships at bay, and inti­macy out of one's life. Ambivalence robs a person of the joy of being alive as a man or as a woman; femaleness or maleness is so intertwined with shame­ful sexuality and perversity that it seems impossible to untangle. All pleasure is considered suspect and dangerous, because like the links in a chain-link fence it is connected with the past. You'll see it too: people who are otherwise attractive and pleasant, have turned off their attraction and their pleasant­ness deliberately in order to keep everyone away. If their beauty, their warmth, their character has brought abuse upon them in the past, they will do everything possible to diminish the beauty, turn off the warmth and hide the strength of character.

It's important to consider the spiritual impact of all this. The deep experience of powerlessness, betrayal and ambivalence can lead the victim to call into question the goodness of God. "If God is good, He would have protected me." The worst is not even the intellectual. Persons so damaged in relation with others will be damaged also in their relationship with God. Here too the intimacy and the longing is turned off. It all can lead to total spiritual shutdown. Abuse is Satan's pleasurable way to steal the soul indeed. It must then be of concern also to those who are the watchmen of the souls of the people of God.

There are also many secondary symptoms which we should be familiar with. The internal damage will eventually affect the external, observable life.

1. Depression — though real and horrendous, it is a mask covering the real struggles of the soul. To treat only the symptom is entirely inad­equate.
    
2. Sexual dysfunction and addiction — usu­ally characterized by lack of interest or disgust, as the soul attempts to avoid the hidden memo­ries and vague feelings that are stirred up.
    
3. Compulsive disorders — many, if not most bulimic woman, have a history of abuse. Allender: "the experience of feeling physically satiated through binging is the physical coun­terpart to feeling soulishly filled through inti­macy."
    
4. Physical complaints — there is a clear though imperceptible bridge between our inner health and our physical well-being.
    
5. Style of relating — the point here is that abuse will affect one's style of relating. It is not necessarily so that those who are abused will become the shy quiet, type who curl up in the corner and are never heard from. Allender, while acknowledging that there are many styles of relating, speaks about three styles in particu­lar and calls them: the good girl, the tough girl and the party girl. I won't go into all that as it will take us far afield (ch. 9 of book). The point is that the style of relating is the primary x-ray that tells us the condition of the heart.

The Unlikely Route to Joy←⤒🔗

Moving on to the treatment, or whatever you would call it, one should notice that the natural response to abuse is for the victim to develop his or her own in a self-dependent and self-reliant sort of way. When their shame is exposed, it leads to fragmentation, arrogance and contempt, as we've seen; it ends up in emptiness and self-centeredness. At some point, maybe not until they are well into adulthood, all systems will however lockup. They have reached a dead-end.

To put Allender's message in my own words now, he is saying that the problem is precisely the fact that they have followed their natural inclina­tions, they have been leaning on their own abilities and their own cleverness, they have built their own defenses. They have learnt to fend for themselves. But now maybe they are coming to you because they cannot do it any longer. Their lives are a mess, their marriages a sham, and they just can't hack it any more. Their self-reliance has come to a dead end.

Allender, in that context, often refers to Isaiah 50:10-11, where Isaiah speaks about those who walk in the darkness and instead of trusting in the Lord, they light their own fires. They take charge of the dark by their own means, for their own purposes.

Isaiah urges them then to go ahead and walk in the light of their fires and their torches. The result will be that they will lie in torment. It's similar to the words of our Lord, Allender says, "whoever will save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Mt. 10:39; 16:25 and parallels). They are indeed attempting to save their lives through their own efforts and capabilities, but they can feel that life slipping away from them.

To quote Allender:

To the degree that we labor to keep ourselves intact, we become less human, less loving, and more like those who cavalierly abuse and dehumanize for their own survival.

The honest person will admit that even though her fire-lighting strategies have won her a certain sense of safety, she is not living as she was created to live, and in the hollow chambers of her heart she is lonely as hell.p.157

What is then the solution? Allender's main the­sis is that "the best path then is back through the valley of the shadow of death..." The journey in­volves bringing our wounded heart before God, a heart that is full of rage, overwhelmed with doubt, bloodied but unbroken, rebellious, stained, and lonely... (p. 20-21).

The victim must come to the realization that the real enemy in the conflict is not just the abuser. Confronting the abuser is not the magic solution. The real enemy is in the victim.

The real enemy is the internal reality that will not cry out to God in humble, broken dependence. It is the victim's subtle or blatant determination to make life work on her own by refusing to acknowledge or let God fulfill her deepest longings. The enemy is the same for the abused person as it is for those who have not been sexually abused: a determined, reliable inclination to pursue false gods, to find life apart from dynamic, moment-by-moment relationship with the Lord of life.p. 41

The abused woman has plenty of reasons to despise her own passion. Hating her longing starts a self-annihilating civil war that kills her soul. But she must come to the realization that the enemy is not just the abuser, nor her longings. Her enemy is our common enemy: sin, the failure to depend on God. The failure to respond in a godly way to the abuse. "Ultimately… the enemy is the internal reality that will not cry out to God in humble, broken dependence" (p. 41).

And so Allender says that the route to joy is an unlikely one, to be sure. The route is an undesirable one since it seems to lead through the path that the abused person has gone through before — the route of weakness, brokenness, poverty, and death. The biblical path involves losing our life in order to find it, trading death for life. It requires trusting in God which means the loss of our agenda, our flaming torch, so that we die to our inclination to live a lie. It requires forfeiting our rigid, self-protective, God-dishonoring ways of relating in order to embrace life as it is meant to be lived: in humble dependence on God and passionate involvement with others.

Allender critiques usual do-able step approach, which consists of three steps: Self-discovery. Helping an abuse victim feel and own her emotions. Self-expression.  Helping her find the freedom to express her inner world. Self-protection. Training her to establish boundaries in relationships to others so that she is never used or abused again. Allender suggest that this often leads to self-centered, arrogant, autonomous self-protection in which the rela­tionship with others and with God is not properly developed and remedied.

Instead Allender develops the Biblical route to change, which involves re-experiencing the suffering needed for growth. Suffering is necessary because it strips away the pretense that life is reasonable and good — a pretense that keeps us looking in all the wrong places for the satisfaction of our souls. It is in losing ourselves and taking up the cross that we find who we are really made to be.

At first glance, Allender's method might look simplistic itself. A "repent and sin no more" kind of approach. Sin is the problem. Therefore repentance is the solution. But I don't believe it's simplistic. Allender notes that while change is possible, change is always a process. Deep healing, supernatural change may take years of struggle, trial and error learning, and growing in strength. It runs quite parallel to the approach of others. David Benner, e.g., (of Redeemer College) talks about re-experienc­ing the pain, re-interpreting the hurt, and releasing the anger.² Allender is saying similar things. But I think he's saying more and going deeper. Besides, should we not talk about sin and repentance here even if it be in a gentle way at times? What is sin other than the failure to seek life in God and through God?

The joy that lies ahead on this route involves three internal realities as rewards:

1. enjoyment of being soft (tender)
2. deepened capacity to respond to others from the soul
3. freedom to make difficult and unpopular choices. Here the heart is enabled to live a bold, value-controlled versus frightened, people-dependent life.

But there are three pre-requisites here. Honesty. The first prerequisite. This is the commitment to see realty as it is, without distortion, minimization, or spiritualization. Any attempt to create a false world is an attempt to shut God out of our world. When one is committed to honesty, one knocks on the door of truth, open-handed, hungry and persistent.

Honesty involves first of all being honest about the internal damage. There must be a willingness to acknowledge eight truths: I have been abused. I am a victim of a crime against my body and soul. As a victim, I am not in any way responsible for the crime, no matter what I might have experienced or gained as a result of the abuse. Abuse has damaged my soul. Then damage is due to the interweaving dynamics of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence. My dam­age is different from others in extent, intensity and consequences, but it is worthy to be addressed and worked through no matter what occurred. It will take time to deal with the internal wounds; the process must not be hurried. I must not keep a veil of secretly and shame over my past, but I am not required to share my past with anyone I feel is untrust­worthy or insensitive.

One must also be honest about the past. What is the point in recalling the past? How much needs to be recalled? Purpose of regaining memories is three removal of the denial, reclaiming the self, and movement toward real change. The person who has been abused must be willing to listen, reflect, and ponder the data of her life. The concerns about where one is headed in the future is ever so related to the damage of the past which has shaped who one is in the present. How much knowledge of the past is enough?

As much as God allows us to see. One needs to be open, but not demanding, curious but not frantic, vigilant but not obsessed.

Many suggest that the ineffectiveness of past survival behaviors should not be exposed as sinful or illegitimate. Allender disagrees. While her child­hood responses to the ravages of victimization must be dealt with gently, when as an adult she allows these behaviors to continue she is no longer simply "coping" — she is violating God's highest com­mandments.

Sin is sin. 'Sin that is ignored or denied lingers like an untreated infection. It drains the soul of joy and robs the sinner of relief. In turn, the soul requires more energy to sustain its activities, while ignoring the brooding infection.'

The abuse victim who is committed to growing will find that the process of changing current self-protective patterns for new patterns will be a long and arduous process — a process wherein openness and friendship, prayer and Bible-reading, pondering and talking to others are all needed.

Repentance the second prerequisite. Two im­portant initial points. First, the abuse victim is never called by God to repent of the past abuse. Second, repentance is not a simple choice to do right and not wrong; rather it is an internal shift in our perceived source of life. It is the recognition that our self-protective means have not ushered us into real living with God and other sin which wholeness and joy and powerful relating are experienced. Repentance is the process of deeply acknowledging the supreme call to love. The pain of past abuse does not justify unloving self-protection in the present. Repentance is a hungry, broken return to God. On the basis of Luke 15:11-32, Allender says repentance involves the response of humble hunger, bold movement, and wild celebration when faced with the reality of our fallen state and the grace of God. Biblical repentance always leads us toward coming alive for the explicit purpose of having more to give to others for their well-being and to God for His glory.

True repentance is to be distinguished from false repentance or "penance," as Allender calls it. The path of sorrow unto death is different from the path of sorrow unto life. The latter admits helplessness and cries out to God in brokenness. The former presumes the ability to make amends on one's own. Repentance cries out to God; penance cries out against God as it builds a case against the abuser, a wicked world, and ultimately God Himself. Repentance allows God to set the agenda for the future; penance continues to set its self-centered agenda. Penance deepens the victim's hardness, engages in contempt towards self and others (2 Cor. 7:11-13), whereas repentance leads to a softening of the heart that dispels contempt in the wake of the recognition that we are not better, at core, than those who have abused us.

The internal shift will involve at least three elements: a refusal to be dead. To live as a dead being before the living God is to say that death is preferable to life with Him. (The redemption of powerlessness!) a refusal to mistrust. Instead we move towards its true opposite: being kind and caring towards others, concerned about the well-being even of those who have harmed us. It means also, at its heart, a refusal to mistrust God. (The redemption of betrayal!) a refusal to despise passion. Passion is defined as "the deep response of soul to life: the freedom to rejoice and to weep ... Passion is tasting pleasure with de­light, brokenness with tears, and evil with hatred" (p. 213). (The redemption of ambivalence!)

This repentance is a process that continues throughout life. Total recovery is not possible, but growth surely as one continues to move with a humble, hungry heart toward a God who will re­ceive and lift up.

Bold Love.  The third prerequisite. While hon­esty and repentance are preconditions for life, love sets the soul free to soar through the damage of the past. What is love? What does it mean for an abused person to love, especially those who have done us harm? It is not weak, fear-based compliance. It is not the absence of anger, nor is it inconsistent with holy hatred. Love does not minimize or forget past harm. Love is essentially a movement of grace to embrace those who have sinned against us. Love is the free gift that voluntarily cancels the debt in order to free the debtor to become what he might be if he experi­ences the joy of restoration.

Forgiveness too is of paramount importance here. It can be defined as consisting of three components: a hunger for restoration. A victim will not hunger for restoration until the process of healing is underway and the obstacles of deadness, mistrust, and hatred of passion are removed. Question is not whether one is to be reconciled to the abuser in his unrepentant condition, but to one who is broken and contrite. This is a commitment to do whatever it takes to bring health (salvation) to the abuser. Love is a powerful force and energy to reclaim the poten­tial good in another, even at the risk of great sacrifice and loss. (On loving various abusive persons, see pages 229-239 [refers to spouse as often being the "abuser-surrogate", 231-234]). Revoked revenge. Love also involves a refusal to repay evil for evil (Romans 12:17) and forsaking revenge in order to leave room for the wrath of God (Romans 12:19). The goal re­mains: restoration and true life even for the abuser.

The concepts of love, forgiveness, revenge are worked out more extensively in Dan B. Allender's (& Tremper Longman III's) next book Bold Love.³

To conclude then, the following remarks. As I reflect on the people that I have been and am dealing with, as I reflect on the contents of Scripture, and all that Allender says, it seems to me that his approach is helpful. While it certainly is a challenge to direct people along this route, I think this is the route to go.

There are however some aspects that could be worked out further. I think, for example, about the whole matter of "false memory". Allender touches on it in the section about honesty. He acknowledges that sometimes these people's pasts are so confused that they do not know fact from fiction anymore. It seems that we might be undergoing somewhat of a pendulum shift of thought in this field. Thus far it has generally been so that in a court of law and elsewhere, the victim is always believed. The abuser is almost considered guilty until proven innocent. But recently a lot of attention is being paid to "false memory syndrome" — one psychologist claims that when it comes to the point he can create any memory in any one. The Globe and Mail⁴ ran an article on that, as did the Spectator. I suspect that in the next few years, we will hear more about this aspect. It would be interesting too to know to what degree it may be possible to project the abuse suffered from one per­son on to another person. It would also be helpful to hear some more about some of the mechanics of dealing with abuser and victim and their families. Although his second book, Bold Love, deals with that to a greater degree.

Another criticism, not just of Allender but of the whole movement is the fact that there really ought to be more of an eye for the role of the church, particu­larly the proclamation of the forgiveness of sins in Word and sacrament. If it's comfort that is needed, if it's reassurance that sin is forgiven and dealt with, where should also abuse victims be directed to­wards other than the church? Some of these para­-church organizations seem to take on a life of their own, and the impression that also our people often get is that the real help and real spiritual life lies somewhere else than in the church.

Of course, there are two sides to that coin. It means that the church must also be able to rise to the challenge. And it is quite a challenge — counseling these people is no easy matter. If they latch on to you for hope and help, they will drain you of time, energy, and patience. But whether we counsel our­selves or whether we see to it that counseling takes place through others or whether we supplement that done by others, the church must be involved to some degree. The pew must become more aware. Elders must become more knowledgeable. And ministers too must be able to reach out. If Allender's main thesis is true, that abuse is Satan's pleasurable way to steal the soul, how can the church stand idly by.

At the end of his book, Allender addresses the various persons involved (the perpetrator, the counselor, the victim, the spouse, and the pastor). It will be appropriate to end with his words to the pastor. Your part in the process of change can be life giving. If you counsel, my thoughts for you are imbedded in my comments to the counselor ... If your work is traditional pastoral preaching and teaching, then your role is more than crucial; it is culture changing. Among other things, the pulpit can serve as a platform for educating the sensibilities and altering the misconceptions of the Christian community. As I, a psychologist, address the issues of abuse, I can easily be written off. But when you admit that the problem exists and causes damage that is not immediately eradicated at conversion, you have allowed light into a dark, shameful room and touched the lives of countless people.

As a teacher-preacher, you can also challenge the inadequate conceptions of forgiveness promulgated among Christians, strengthen the survivor's resolve to continue dealing with the battle when it gets tough, and encourage the abuser-surrogate to persevere when quitting seems imminent. You may never spend much time in the counseling process, but your support and collaboration with a counselor will lend your faith, trust, and courage to the victim in her dark moments (p.245).