Since 9/11 Americans have had a terror alert system by which we are supposed to gauge the likelihood of another terrorist event. One way the US government determines what stage (color) the system is measured is by the amount of "chatter" that is heard via the internet and intercepted communications in other forms. When there is little chatter the alert system displays a low alert warning. When there is considerable chatter the system shifts into high.

Perhaps, the amount of chatter that is heard in the world today on the subject of dating should alert the believer to serious problems and concerns. For there has been an increase in the enemy's chatter. Just reflect on the following TV programs available: Joe Millionaire, Mr. Personality, Elimidate, 5th Wheel, Shipmates, Blinddate, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Change of Heart to name only a few. This does not include numerous TV sitcoms and movies. Nor does this include the numerous dating services that are available on the market today. The "chatter" reflects a hedonist worldview of "me, myself and all I can get." It makes value judgments based upon appearance and a few quick exchanges of time and words. In much of this "chatter," sex is frequently the goal and commitment is secondary. Believers should not be caught off guard by the increasing amount of chatter heard on this subject. In one way or another, we are all affected whether or not we watch these programs and movies. The "chatter" of the world on the subject of dating should definitely put the believer on high alert since what it espouses falls far short of Biblical principles.

So, what is a believing young person or parent to do? Is there anything to counteract this enemy chatter? With the decreasing age at which even our children (10-12 year old) are being pressured to date (sometime seven in the context of our Christian community!) we need to know what principles should guide us and help us to evaluate what the culture is pushing.

Let's look at some Biblical principles to offer our young people and parents in the midst of the current hostile climate. Let me state first, that applying these principles will take time and careful observation. Dating is a serious matter and should not be entered into casually or without thought. It will take time (maybe even years!) and effort to use these principles in everyday life.

Biblical Principle #1:⤒🔗

Date Only Believers←↰⤒🔗

Be careful here, I didn't say date only churchgoers. Far too often, young people and their parents are satisfied simply to hear that someone attends such and such a church. While attending church is a good thing, it does not necessarily mean that the person is a believer. There are plenty of examples of that found in churches and marriages today. The command of 2 Corinthians 6:14 deals with believers and unbelievers, not churchgoers and non-churchgoers. So you need to know what a person's relationship is to Jesus Christ before you enter into a relationship with them. (I don't recall hearing anyone asking that question during the last Elimidate episode.) Of course, that's not going to be discovered in a five minute talk in the parking lot at the beach, is it? One would need to observe this person in different settings to see if they actually live their profession (since that's an important element of actually-being a Christian).

Biblical Principle #2:←⤒🔗

Date Only Fruitful People (Galatians 5:22-23)←↰⤒🔗

Does the individual, the young man or young woman, display the fruit of the Spirit in their lives? Are they patient, faithful, self-controlled, loving, joyful? If a person is truly a believer then the fruit of the Spirit should be obvious in their daily life. The "chatter" of the world in relation to dating often sounds more like those works of the flesh noted in Galatians 5:19-21. Too often young men are concerned with being "studs" (look up the definition of that sometime!) and young women are eager to drop their principles when the first great looking young man comes into their life. We should be looking not on the outward appearance but on the heart. (Sounds almost biblical doesn't it?). It is out of the heart that real character is known.

Biblical Principle #3:←⤒🔗

Date Only Equipped People (Ephesians 6:10-18)←↰⤒🔗

When the world considers this aspect, its focus is on outward appearance. But covenant people focus on a person's spiritual walk, Do they come fully dressed in the armor of God? Do you see evi­dences of faith in their lives? What about the sword of the Spirit? How much time does the person actually spend in God's Word? Do they pray? Have you ever heard them pray? Once again, let me emphasize that there needs to be a considerable amount of time spent on getting to know this person prior to dating. We have allowed dating to become the time of getting to know. The problem is that while we date we are entering into a relationship (a bond) that becomes increasingly difficult to break as time goes on. It is very well possible to become so attached to someone emotionally that we lose the strength to break off the relationship once we discover that the person really isn't meeting the biblical principles.

Biblical Principle #4:←⤒🔗

Date Only Proverbial People (Book of Proverbs)←↰⤒🔗

It would be a good idea for every young person to read the book of Proverbs prior to dating. And as they read they should make a list of good characteristics and bad characteristics for the wise and the foolish people listed in Proverbs. This list should be a guide to observing the characteristics of someone that a young person is seeking to date. Are they lazy? Do they spend most of their free time sleeping? How do they manage money? What kind of friends do they hang around with? Are they hot-tempered?

Biblical Principle #5:←⤒🔗

Are They A Life-Long Companion? (Ephesians 5:22-33)←↰⤒🔗

"He's going to get larger (fatter) and maybe lose all his hair, go through numerous job changes and probably leave the toilet seat up." Will you still love him or her in spite of the changes that may occur? She will not always have her hair done up just right, sometimes wear ugly old slippers, leave hair in the drain that calls for plumbing repairs, etc. Will your love last? That's what the Bible calls for. A commitment so strong, so long lasting that it endures until death. Dating must be seen not just as something to do this weekend, but with distant vision for the future. Some may be reading this who are thinking, "Hey, I didn't consider any of this and my marriage is fine." Yes, your marriage is "fine," not good, not great, not fantastic, just "fine." I hope we want more for our children and, if you are a young person, more for yourself than just a "fine" marriage. Ultimately, we should want more than just a "fine" marriage in order that we might rightly please God! Would a "fine" marriage be attractive to unbelievers? Is a "fine" marriage attractive to our children? Is Jesus Christ satisfied with a "fine" marriage with His bride, the church?

Biblical Principle #6:←⤒🔗

Is This Person Enjoyable? (Song of Songs)←↰⤒🔗

The Song of Solomon is a book that speaks openly of personally enjoying a relationship in the con­text of an engagement and marriage. There is a place for enjoyment of the company of another person. It is very well possible that you could go through all the first five principles and end up married to someone you don't actually like. I think one of the purposes of the Song of Songs is to remind us that attraction has its place. The problem is that our culture has distorted and overemphasized this element of a relationship. The world's chatter has made this "pursuit of happiness" the pinnacle. It isn't, but it is an element of a relationship. You should enjoy being in a person's company if you are going to date them. The best way to find this out is by spending time with that person in small groups or with your family. This will allow you to see whether you enjoy being with them. It is also a great way to discover some of the other above mentioned principles.

A few final words to those who are thinking, "This will take too long! By the time I spend all this effort observing this person, he or she will be long gone and involved with someone else." Remember our belief in the sovereignty and providence of God over ALL things.

Parents, don't be too pushy by getting your children into relationships before they are ready. If you don't trust them to drive your expensive vehicles, should you trust them with someone else's children? If she doesn't have a "date" to the prom or to the high school Christmas dinner, don't push! God works His sovereign will. And if your child remains single, would that be so terrible? Have you really failed as a parent if your child remains single but is totally committed to the Lord? Let us pray and trust our children to the Lord. But let us also be dili­gent to teach and to train and to be aware of the chatter of the Enemy.