Since the fall into sin, we live in a broken world. The consequences of sin manifest themselves personally and socially. There is abuse, corruption, divorce, loneliness, murder, strife, war. The list could go on and on. Genesis 4 follows upon Genesis 3. After David's sin, the sword does not depart from his house (2 Sam 12:10). Our Marriage Form notes the prevalence of afflictions in marriage: "(M)arried persons are generally, by reason of sin, subject to many troubles and afflictions…" The Form immediately follows this observation by pointing to the "certain assistance of God in your afflictions." How does this divine assistance manifest itself? How can we be assured of this assistance in affliction?

Included in the general afflictions in marriage there are the special afflictions of infertility and of singleness.

Faithfulness⤒🔗

Married persons are generally subject to many afflictions. The statistics on divorce and infidelity in our time confirm this. The lack of communication and intimacy in marriages bears this out as well. Financial hardship or the loss of a child often afflicts a marriage severely. How are persons to expect the certain assistance of God in marriage?

First of all, the Lord provides the assistance of His Word as a lamp to guide us and a light to show the way. The Marriage Form confirms this by showing from Scripture that the marriage state is honourable and pleasing to the Lord. If the Lord were indifferent to marriage or despised it, no certain assistance could be expected. But because He has instituted marriage we may be sure that He most certainly is well-disposed to His own institution.

Secondly, the Lord shows His certain assistance in marriage by providing the wedding at Cana with His presence, gifts, and miracles. This proves, in the words of the Marriage Form, that the Lord "will aid and pro­tect married persons, even when they are least deserving of it."

Thirdly, the assistance of God in marriage does not preclude the duty of mutual love and faithfulness. The comfort of divine assistance comes in the way of observing the duties which God has stipulated in His Word. The Lord assists in our marriage by prescrib­ing duties and by not leaving us to our own whims. For example, faithfulness is one of the most funda­mental conditions for marriage. It goes hand in hand with love. Faithfulness is not a matter of feeling but rather a matter of commitment. Faithfulness is the commitment to maintain a covenant.

Fourthly, in marriage the Lord provides mutual assistance. Assistance is manifested by each partner helping the other. This pertains to the things of this life as well as of the life to come, the Marriage Form says. We should point each other to the Lord and His grace. Manoah's wife encouraged her husband (Judges 13:23).

Fifthly, the experience of God's assistance comes chiefly by partaking of His grace by faith. In Hebrews 13 the apostle speaks among other things of marriage being honourable (vs. 4). He follows it with the promise: "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." This is the promise of divine assistance for His children. They may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me" (Hebrews 13:6). They experience divine assistance in all things. Affliction may be a trial of their faith, but it will be "unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1:7).

Faith and Truth←⤒🔗

There ought to be faith in the marriage relationship. Just think of the prayer of the Marriage Form: "Give them Thy Holy Spirit, so that they in true love and firm faith may live holy according to Thy divine will and resist all evil." Without faith, we cannot please God (Hebrews 11:6). Without faith we cannot be assured of God's assistance. Faith is that we believe the things we do not see (Hebrews 11:1), and that we desire to obey God's Word by living up to our holy obligations.

Indeed, in a Christian marriage it is necessary to live by faith and to pray every day. We join the church of the ages when we pray the words of the Marriage Form: "Wilt Thou also bless them as Thou hast blest the believing fathers, Thy friends and faithful servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."

The important thing is not that I think that I have a right to be happy. Rather, the important thing is to live out of the Fountain of grace and be blessed in the Lord in that way. We must return to the Lord. At the cross of Christ we are reconciled to the Lord, first of all, but also to each other – there lies the foundation of our marriage. There husband and wife are held together and at the cross of Christ we kneel anew every time.

Flesh and blood do not hold a marriage together. Love and faithfulness do not hold a marriage together either. Ultimately, it is the cross of Christ that holds a marriage together – through faith in Him.

I believe that Christ can make totally ruined marriages new. Anyone who is faced with brokenness in marriage may start anew with Him. By faith, our marriage becomes an exercise in sanctification. Then our marriage becomes a marriage that is lived under an open heaven. That is how we find reconciliation in our marriage and that is how we find reconciliation in our families. A marriage that is well-pleasing to the Lord is one of the most beautiful and precious things in the life of thankfulness that God requires of us.

The Marriage Form states that husband and wife must keep "faith and truth in all things according to the holy gospel." The phrase "keeping faith and truth" does not refer to faith in God as such, but faith with reference to each other. However, couples can only live up to that if they firmly trust that God will not forsake the work of His hands. Every day anew we must keep faith and fidelity to each other in all things according to the holy gospel. Consequently, during the difficult moments in life we will be strong enough to be able to resist anything that breaks the bond of marriage.

Infertility←⤒🔗

Infertility can be a real affliction for married couples. The Lord may choose to withhold the blessing of children. This does not mean that a marriage without children lacks its real purpose. After all, the first purpose of marriage is "that each faithfully assist the other, in all things that belong to this life, and a better." Nevertheless, the absence of children may leave a couple feeling incomplete. The chief end of man, however, is that we serve the Lord and live for Him before and after marriage, in and outside of marriage, with or without children.

God fulfills His strength in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) by having us follow Him on our pathway through life. The Lord gives grace according to need. He assists a couple also in this affliction, comforting them through His Word and with tokens for good. The Lord will not leave an infertile couple without a task. The Heidelberg Catechism states: "Everyone must know it to be his duty, readily and cheerfully to employ his gifts, for the advantage and salvation of other members" (L.D. 20, A. 55). The struggle may continue and a church should be sensitive to this. It may be helpful in every service of baptism to pray for childless couples and to include them in the sermon. This may work as balm on an open wound.

Singleness←⤒🔗

There are those who choose to remain unmarried.

There are others who desire to be married, but for whom this desire is not realized. For them singleness is an affliction. It may seem that this unfulfilled longing in their lives is not in accordance with God's cre­ation ordinance. Singles may often ask the question "why" and receive no apparent answer. How do they experience certain assistance in affliction?

First of all, there is a very remarkable word of Jesus in John 9:3 with reference to the man born blind. His affliction served "that the works of God should be made manifest in him." The question "why" should change into a "whereunto." For those who fear God, the condition of singleness serves for the works of God to become manifest in them. This corresponds with Paul's statement, "he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:32).

Secondly, single persons need grace from above in order to let go of their own desires. That involves an aspect of dying to self. For many singles it is a difficult experience to agree with the will of the Lord for their lives. God has something else in view for their lives. He is leading them along a pathway of blessing and upholding grace for His praise and glory and for their neighbour's good.