Making judgments is part of being human. They lead us to like or dislike, approve or disapprove, commend or malign. We tend to be quick to express distaste or displeasure; praise, especially praise of people, seems to come less naturally or spontaneously. Or perhaps we deliberately stifle praise, because isn’t praise dangerous? Doesn’t it feed pride? Are we not buying into the modern self-esteem movement when we praise our children?

Praise In Scripture⤒🔗

Biblically speaking, praising those to whom it is due is not just grudgingly permitted in Scripture; in fact, Christ Himself praised the praise-worthy. Speaking about Mary who was anointing His feet with costly ointment, Christ publicly said, “She hath wrought a good work on me” (Mark 14:6). He commended her. Likewise Jesus praised the Syrophenician woman for the greatness of her faith (Matthew 15:28). In the parable of the talents spoken by our Lord, the master acclaimed the servants who had used their talents to gain more, with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). There are instances when a person merits praise. There are times we ought to commend our children.

When to Offer Praise←⤒🔗

How can we offer meaningful praise? On his blog, David Murray offers several characteristics of good affirmation taken from a book called Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree.¹Good affirmations are God-centred, following the example of Paul who, when writing to the Corinthians and Philippians, thanked God for them. Good affirmations don’t wait for perfection, and they encourage progress. Additionally, they refresh the affirmer and build relationships. Praising your children will serve to cement a relationship of mutual appreciation.

Offering unwarranted praise, however, can be more harmful than helpful. Richard Weissbourd, a member of the faculty of Harvard’s School of Education, writes that “children tend to know when they have really accomplished something and when they have not, and too much unconditional praise or frequent praise that isn’t connected to real achievements can create self-doubts and cynicism about adults. It’s patronizing.”² The key to praising meaningfully then, is that it is offered when the occasion truly warrants it. This requires discernment and wisdom.

Responding to Praise←⤒🔗

Responding to praise appropriately also merits attention. Many Christians do not know how to handle praise. Upon being praised, they may trot out the stock reply, “The devil tells me that too.” Or else they may awkwardly or rudely dismiss it out of hand. It is interesting to read about how Christians in the past handled this subject. The St. Andrews Seven³ is the narrative of seven highly gifted young men who studied together at the University of Saint Andrews, Scotland in the 1820s. All of them were prominent, not only for their academic prowess, but as dedicated young Christians with a passion for evangelism and missions. They saw it as a high privilege and responsibility to use their God-given aptitudes to scale the heights of academic excellence with eagerness and resolve. With this came recognition. These men, and in particular 17 year-old John Urquhart, exhibited a mature response to success and praise. One of his fellow students commented,

That Mr. Urquhart was insensible to this praise, would be saying too much. Such an indifference would have proved rather a want of feeling, than an absence of vanity. But whatever secret pleasure he may have felt, it was betrayed by no assumed airs of consequence or pride ... No one was forced in his presence upon the disagreeable conviction of his own inferiority so that without any of the arts of pleasing, or those popular qualities that attract general favour, he had made many friends, but no enemies. Few fancied they saw in him a rival to their own ambitious hopes; and when he crossed the path, and gained the hill in advance, it was with so noiseless a step, and with so little show of triumph, that he either escaped the vigilance of his competitors, or they pardoned his success for the manner in which it was obtained.

Urquhart provides us with an exemplary response to handling accolades. He wrote,

The love of praise is, perhaps, an original principle of our constitution; and if it be, then it were vain to attempt its annihilation. Nor is this required of us. All that we are bid do in the Bible, is to give it a new direction. And the condemnation of the Pharisees of old, was not that they loved praise, but that they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.

For the Glory of God←⤒🔗

Urquhart is saying that giving and receiving praise is a part of who we are, and to withhold praise when it is due, or to respond to it with awkward dismissal is unnatural and unnecessary. Rather, we are to accept praise and turn it to the glory of God by our response. Although Urquhart thought it vain to attempt to annihilate the love of praise, in his life in fact, it evaporated like water, unobserved in the warmth of the sunlight of the love of Christ.

I believe that when we are praised, and our hearts are right with God and our walk with Him is real and alive, praise and commendation, by God’s grace, will simply fuel our gratitude to the Lord Who has made it all possible. We will feel humbled by what God has allowed us to perform or done through us, and so praise will flow out to Him who is supremely praise­worthy. What a wonderful direction to give to our children when they do well.

While a love of praise may be part of being human, at the same time it ought not be the driving force for doing what we do. David McCullough Jr. is an English teacher at Wellesley High School in Wellesley, Massachusetts. He was asked to do the commencement address at the 2012 High School graduation. One of the things he said was,

Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying by-product. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things ... Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb the mountain so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.⁴

We would add to that, “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:23, 24). And if we may one day hear from the lips of the Lord Himself, “Well done good and faithful servant,” we will say, “It was all of grace!”