“We regret to inform you,” began the letter, which went on to briefly describe an error made by a company and which they assured customers of a desire to avoid in the future. Ironically, it was a problem they’d promised to address long before.

It’s become an everyday occurrence: criminals “regret” their actions and receive a more lenient sentence, or conversely they “weren’t sorry enough” and are the more severely punished, in the press if not by the justice system. A schoolyard argument ends in a teacher demanding the participants “say you’re sorry.” Millions are spent each year on cards, flowers and sweets meant to convey the same massage between adults; the very concept of “sorrow” has been cheapened until today it means almost nothing in everyday affairs.

Regret may be the weakest form of the idea of sorrow. The dictionary defines regret as “sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment.” In many cases, an expression of regret is a formality; as in the letter quoted above, it acknowledges a failing without promising a resolution. “Regrettable” is an even weaker expression, recognizing that regret might be appropriate without actually offering it or even indicating who should do the regretting. “A regrettable error” is usually an unaddressed error. Proper regret includes a sense of remorse and contrition, but seldom does either appear in public expressions of regret. All too often, public “regret” means only “I wish I hadn’t been caught.”

“Sorrow” has likewise become a meaningless term to many. Having been told so often to “say you’re sorry,” many no longer go beyond the mere saying. But sorrow goes much deeper than regret. To regret a past deed is to wish it hadn’t happened, but to feel sorrow for that deed is to experience a sense of pain because of it. Worldly sorrow is misplaced and unresolved, ultimately leading to despair, but there is a true godly sorrow which brings about genuine spiritual struggle and, as Scripture tells us,

… produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of world produces death.2 Corinthians 7:10

This sort of sorrow, the godly sort, is precisely opposite to worldly despair, for genuine godly sorrow is an expression not of hopeless fear but of hope and confidence in God. The Corinthians, Paul says, “… sorrowed in a godly manner.” And how was this sorrow expressed?

What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication!2 Corinthians 7:11

But since “godly sorrow produces repentance,” we must finally consider what is meant by that term. Turning back to our dictionary, we find the world defines repentance as “remorse for past conduct,” as another form of sorrow or regret, as an emotion. But God does not abandon us to our emotions; rather, He gives us control over them. When we are commanded to “love one another,” it is meant not as a “feeling,” as the world would have it, but as an action. Likewise, to repent is not merely to “feel sorry” but to DO something about our failing; Scripture views repentance as a decision, an attitude, and ultimately as a direction toward rather than away from God. There is no quantity of tears, no degree of remorse, which expresses true repentance as well as quiet, humble obedience.

Yet what joy springs from this simple change of heart! Paul speaks of “vehement desire,” of zeal, and finally, and so comfortingly, of vindication as God is glorified even in our weakness.

I came to Jesus as I was,
Weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place,
And He has made me glad.Psalter Hymnal No. 413