We are all familiar with the phrase “a match made in heaven,” customarily applied to a marriage that seems to us to be ideal. But marriages are made on earth, too. They are the union of two people, two sinners, with a variety of in-built habits, disposi­tions, prejudices, idiosyncrasies, and differing spiritual enlightenment and theological awareness. Marriage, therefore, and the way it comes about, is not heaven! It is the bonding together of two needy sinners, the product of which is greater than the sum of either of them individually.

The biblical basis for marriage begins where the Bible begins — in Genesis and the creation story (Gen. 2:20-24). It is set in a context that precedes the advent of sin into the world and, therefore, as Alec Motyer has written, “marriage is not a concession to our sinfulness; marriage is a provision for our holiness.” Although creation is said to have been “good” or “very good” seven times in chapter 1, Genesis 2:18 alerts us to the fact that Eden was not yet complete. It was good but something was missing. Adam was created a social being and his relationship with the animate creation around him in part was designed to fulfill this need. The charming account of Adam naming the animals and birds (2:19) explains in part how we often relate to certain creatures in ways that form the strongest affections — dogs or cats, for example — even though post-fall, these relationships have been skewed by sin. The fact that some form stronger relationships with animals than with fellow humans, though understandable, reflects the corruption that sin brought.

God’s plan for Adam and the rest of humanity that followed, however, was marriage: “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (2:18). Eve, then, is God’s “helper matching him.” By himself, Adam was incapable of reaching the fullness God intended for him.

Several features emerge worth noting:

Marriage signals our need for companionship⤒🔗

The 1662 Book of Common Prayer, reflecting Cranmer’s original 1552 edition, contains the significant preamble in its liturgy for the solemnization of marriage to the effect that marriage “was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort.” What the Prayer Book placed third (following sex and baring children), the Westminster Confession places first (“marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife...,” WCF 19:2). Companionship is basic to the fabric of our humanity. It is not good to be alone. The pain of loneliness is all too common, even within otherwise highly populated environments, and it is a reflection of the way man was created as a social being. It is a reflection of God’s image in man; the Trinitarian relationship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is a social one and our social expression of companion­ship reflects (though only in part) something within God Himself. The words often attributed to Matthew Henry, but more accurately written by Peter Lombard five centuries before him, are apposite here: Eve was formed from the rib of Adam, “not out of his head to rule over him, not from his foot to be trampled under him, but out of his side, to be cared for by him, under his arm to be protected by him.”

Marriage is a gift from God←⤒🔗

Nothing demonstrates the sovereignty of the provision better than the fact that Adam slept through the original creation of Eve! After what looks to be divinely induced anesthesia, Adam awoke to find the love and companion of his life. It was God’s design. Though every effort should be made to make room for the state of singleness, reflecting a careful explanation of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, it is not the norm intended for us. It can be a sinful disposition of our hearts to delay marriage unduly. In a materialistic society like our own (I write from the vantage point of modern America), it has become the norm to acquire worldly goods and a desired financial security before contemplating marriage.

Both of these are important and the ability of a husband to support his wife and potential family are crucial considerations for marriage; but they can become icons of idolatry and a sign of misplaced priorities.

Marriage elicits from Adam a sense of excitement; it brings out the poet in him!←⤒🔗

Hebrew specialists have examined the statement in verse 23 — “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” — suggesting that it contains all the forms of Hebrew poetry: assonance, word play, chiasms (the ABC/C´B´A´ form) and verbal repetition. The details need not concern us here but the fact that Adam’s response is reflective of the joy and élan he felt. Eve was a sign of God's goodness to him. Eve was greater — more beautiful, more exquisite, more suitable — than anything he had seen in the animal kingdom.

He felt attracted to her in a way that surpassed any attraction he might have felt for the creatures he had witnessed in the garden. He was drawn to her and she to him. There was what we might call “chemistry” between them. It is bad advice to tell a young Christian man to marry the first Christian girl he meets, just because she is a Christian and he is reaching the point of desperation! Or, as Richard Baxter more bluntly advised: Look for “a competency of wit; for no one can live lovingly and comfortably with a fool.” It sounds outdated in the extreme these days, but it was the advice of a previous generation that while the feeling of love is a good thing, it is not always present initially to such a degree that makes the desirability of marrying this or that person sure. One should look, they advised, not so much for one whom one does love, here and now, but for one that one can grow to love with steady affection on a permanent basis. Whatever the precautions needed in such a stance, and there are many, it only becomes sensible advice in the context of a relationship which includes a sense of moral obligation: “Husbands, love your wives...” (Eph. 5:25).

Marriage is a complementarian relationship rather than an egalitarian one←⤒🔗

The terms are modern and may need some further explanation. I use them here in precisely the same way as John Piper and Wayne Grudem do in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism, which they both edited. Egalitarianism is the belief that there are no biblically mandated, timeless distinctions between men and women in the church. It stresses an equality of men and women, not merely for salvation or in essential personhood, but in opportunities to hold every ecclesiastical office and play every role that exists in church life. Complementarianism, on the other hand, is the belief that there are certain timeless, divinely instituted and created restrictions on women’s roles in the church. They affirm that men in positions of authority should function in loving, supportive ways that do not lead to the abuse of those in subordinate positions, but equally maintain that certain roles are altogether prohibited for women. Hierarchy in this sense is not the result of sin or the abuse of power by men; it is God’s design. Adam was created first, then Eve — an historical fact from which Paul drew a moral principle (1 Tim. 2:13-14). Embracing this is the source of stability and cohesion to avoid the otherwise inevitable battle of sexes. Its misogynist-sounding stance is inevitable in a society skewed by feministic priorities, but we must be subject to Scripture and not the vagaries of a shifting societal prejudice.

Marriage is the union of one man and one woman←⤒🔗

Marriage is between a man and a woman. Sanctioning gay relationships as marriage or otherwise is a violation of the most fundamental nature of Scripture teaching on this mat­ter. Homosexual desires, if yielded to, are fornication and morally culpable. For some, these desires are a cross they bear. They must be resisted, fought every step of the way with Jesus’ help. The struggle may be severe, but justifying homosexual friendships and marriages is not the path sanc­tioned by Scripture to aid those shackled by this problem. Sympathetic and understanding, rather than homophobic and pharisaical, as the church needs to be on this issue, the agenda of same-sex relationships is both pastorally misguided and morally ruinous.

Marriage is a relationship that is, in the 1662 Book of Common Prayer again, “till death us do part”←⤒🔗

Marriage is meant to be “forever.” Divorce, on grounds of “adultery or willful separation” (WCF 19:6) are allowances made by a loving Lord for a fallen world, but it was not how marriage was intended to be. Furthermore, sexual union is for marriage and for marriage only. The Bible is less squeamish about sex than Christians used to be and more so than Christians tend to be nowadays. Sex is not meant for the relief of boredom or loneliness or physical or mental tension. These cheapen God’s gift of sex — a gift which demonstrates that Adam and Eve, husband and wife, need each other and are completed by each other. This “one flesh” (v. 24) heightens the sense in which husband and wife belong together.

The solemnity of the vows publicly expressed in marriage reflects the worshipful context of a marriage ceremony←⤒🔗

It is a covenant-making ceremony reflecting the way God brought Eve to Adam, adding the words, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife” (v. 24). “Leaving and cleaving” (in Israelite marriage, the woman left home to live with her husband in his parents’ home) reflects the change of relationship and authority. A new household has been formed with a new headship and responsibilities. Christian marriage is more than a civil cer­emony; it is a sacred bond established and confirmed in the presence of God. Who but the indolent is unmoved by the opening lines of that traditional ceremony: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony...”? When these marriage vows are broken by the selfishness of adultery or cruelty of separa­tion, offense has been given to all that is sacred. Marriage reflects the covenant of Christ with His church (Eph. 5:25f) and should be nursed and encouraged with the same care and attention that we would give to our relationship with Jesus. In the same way we encourage daily devotional habits of prayer and praise, so we must encourage daily marriage-building exercises of nurture and improvement.

This by no means presents a full picture of all that the Scriptures teach about marriage and its relationships and responsibilities. But this does provide us with something of a basis from which to grow Bible-based, Christ-centered, grace-infused, and God-glorifying marriages.