Though it is sad that it happens in the church, conflicts do happen. How should office-bearers manage conflicts in the church? This article looks at two kinds of conflicts - family and church life. It shows that officebearers must be guided by scripture in confession in conflict management

Source: The Messenger, 1993. 3 pages.

Managing Conflicts in the Church

The Real vs. the Ideal🔗

There is a great difference between what the Church of Christ ought to be according to her Biblically defined calling, and the way she often presents herself in reality. Managing Conflicts in the ChurchSadly, this discrepancy often comes to expression in a variety of conflict situations which threaten the very life of the congregation. Although one might expect something different from her because of her connection with Him who bought her with His blood, she will often behave just like society in general, so that we see Christians fighting Christians, ending up in conflict situations for a variety of reasons, both major and minor.

Not that this is new. We know from God's word that in New Testament times congregational life almost right from the beginning was characterized by situations of disunity and disaffection. In James 3:13-18, the apostle points out the sharp contrast between the wisdom that is from above and the so-called wisdom of the world.

The latter manifested itself for instance in the bitter envy and self-seeking of which the apostle had been made aware. As a result, the congregation of Christ began to reflect the image of disorder and all sorts of evil practices took place. This is how it was then and this is the way it still is today. Also here we can say there is nothing new under the sun.

The Complexity of the Times🔗

As office-bearers go about their work in the congregation they will experience not only joys but also many sorrows. Sooner or later they run into situations that bring tensions resulting in conflicts. In all denominations there are congregations known as oases of peace and tranquility. But there are also congregations that are plagued by internal tensions and conflicts and which therefore require a great deal of spiritual wisdom and managing skills from their consistories. He who has some idea of what is going on in church life today knows that there are consistories which, in addition to the normal work required of office-bearers, have to spend much time smoothing over difficulties and settling disputes that have the potential of seriously damaging congregational life.

What contributes greatly to these situations is the complexity of the time in which we live. Although the church of all ages has always had to deal with issues that were considered important at the time, one can say without exaggeration that today the church of Christ is called to witness to a world where nothing is stable anymore and in which it is almost impossible to keep up with the developments that are taking place. It is not possible for the church to ignore these developments. Questions are raised also from within the church, to which clear and identical answers are not always given, certainly not in congregations with people of widely different backgrounds, levels of education and spiritual make-up. Even with the same Bible in hand it is possible for brothers and sisters to have such widely divergent opinions and feelings on any given issue, that deep and long-lasting and even permanent divisions may result. We think in this connection of the many social and ethical problems which occupy us today. In such situations consistories are often put on the spot and left groping for answers.

Negative Influences on Spiritual Life🔗

Perhaps the most difficult problem with which a consistory can be faced is when a congregation becomes polarized because of disagreements on what it means to be a church of Christ in this day and age. Managing Conflicts in the ChurchTempers often flare as progressives and conservatives clash about religious, ethical and social issues such as the format of the worship services, homosexuality, euthanasia, the "shacking up" of young people and many other problems that face the church in our time. When in such situations the consistory is not able to provide good leadership, these internal conflicts may grow to the point where spiritual life in the congregation can no longer function properly. Whether it is in church on Sundays during worship, or while meeting each other socially during the week, one can feel the tension. The preaching doesn't seem to serve any purpose anymore and a process of alienation is slowly set in motion.

Many congregations find themselves in such a condition of spiritual decline. To be sure, everything that belongs to an or­derly church life is kept up faithfully, and individual members may still experience good things from time to time, but as far as the mutual spiritual bond is concerned, the congregation is far from the ideal which Christ envisions for His Church. How powerless do consistories and individual office-bearers feel sometimes to correct and guide the congregation at such times! Not to mention the situations where consistories or individual office-bearers try to tackle the problems in completely incompetent and tactless ways!

Congregational, Family and Marriage Problems🔗

How easily the peace in the congregation is disturbed! Two young people break off their engagement and both sets of parents get involved. The organist plays too fast or too slow. Relatives fight over an inheritance. Church members can't stand each other. Though they belong to the same congregation, con­fess the same faith and sing the same songs of praise, in their every-day life they go out of their way to avoid all human and spiritual contact with each other. Yes, also in church we have to do with people of flesh and blood who have different characters, interests and ambitions. Within the narrow confines of our congregations in which everybody knows everything about everybody, tensions can arise very easily.

Although there have always been family problems, it is true to say that generally speaking, relations between parents and children are less harmonious today than in the past. Especially where older children still live at home, conflicts will often arise which require the assistance of the pastor or district elder.

Also, consistories are often made painfully aware that marriage conflicts and marital infidelity do not pass by the church of Christ. Usually, however, by the time the office-bearers hear about such problems the damage has already been done to such an extent that all hope of healing the broken relations seems illusionary. How powerless a minister or elder can feel in such situations! Even coming to the proper diagnosis in such cases is already very difficult, let alone finding the right therapy!

Uprightness and Godliness🔗

In cases of conflict situations, especially those of a spiritual nature which affect the congregation as a whole, it is imperative that office-bearers first obtain a clear picture of the situation.

This is no easy task. Looking into the causes and analyzing the symptoms of conflicts requires considerable skill. To be able to do this objectively one needs to be scrupulously honest and have the gift of spiritual discernment. Without these it will prove impossible to arrive at a respon­sible approach and a wholesome solution. Here teamwork is essential. Ecclesiastical practice shows that all too often the task of managing conflicts is left to just a few individuals. In every consistory there are brothers who, when conflicts arise, prefer to keep quiet for fear of having to choose sides. They may well have an opinion, but they would rather keep it to themselves. They may even be quite sure how the issue should be tackled, but they hesitate to support a consistory decision in that direction because they sense it will not be received well by some in the congregation, and therefore they like to keep their options open. It also happens that an office-bearer strongly disagrees with the consistory's approach to a certain problem or conflict in the congregation but that he is afraid to honestly state his objections.

Managing Conflicts in the ChurchEvery office-bearer, therefore, needs to pray for and strive after uprightness and godliness, also when it comes to taking a clear and honest stand on controversial issues and resolving conflicts.

To deal responsibly with conflicts that have a bearing on church life, whether it be the liturgy, the ministry of the Word and its effect on the congregation, the application of church discipline, etc., office-bearers must have the ability to judge the issues at stake in the light of Holy Scripture and the Confessions.

In-so-far as it concerns matters about which the churches in broader assembly have agreed to follow certain rules, a good knowledge of the Church Order is indispensable. What is required for the discharge of the special office in a general sense, is certainly also necessary for evaluat­ing and judging controversial issues in the congregation, namely that one exercise oneself in understanding the Holy Scriptures and in connection with that also in listening to what the Church in former times has laid down in her Confessions as official commentary on God's Word.

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