They stayed behind for a few minutes, after cat­echism, talking. Young people 14 or 15 years old. "Tomorrow we're going to have a home visit," one of them blurted out. Right away one of the others replied, imitating the voice of an elder: "And son, how are you doing at school? And at catechism? And at Young People's Society?" The whole group burst out laughing. Apparently they all recognised the scene.

So much for being an elder. You do your best to include the young people at home visits. And this is how they react. Are they the problem, or are we doing something wrong?

The Right Tone⤒🔗

You'd be amazed how many people dread a home visit. They feel as if they're being interrogated and evaluated. That is not exactly how the elder wants to come across. He's prepared to be as unobtrusive as possible, but ... well, he has to ask questions, doesn't he? That's what he came fore.

That is often the problem with a visit, one is obliged to make. Sometimes it doesn't run smoothly, in spite of the fact that nobody wants it to be like that. And it is not satisfactory either when no direct questions are asked, for then it remains vague and quite imper­sonal. So it seems that as a officebearer, you can never do the right thing.

But the key to a good and meaningful talk is within reach. It is a matter of HOW the questions are asked.

We all know that elders are compared to and called shepherds (Acts 20:28 and 1 Pet. 5:2). Peter says (1 Peter 5:2) that the elders are to tend God's flock which is in their charge, not by constraint but will­ingly, and (vs. 3) not as domineering over those in their charge, but being examples to the flock. How can you tend and lead without constraint and with­out domination? The intent of what Peter says is this: that the elder administers the Word to which he, himself, is also subject. Tending the flock with the Word does not mean lording it over the sheep.

If you, together, understand something of this, it becomes possible to find the right tone at the home visit. When asked: "So how is it going with your faith?" many people just clam up. How do you respond to a question like that? A simple question such as, "How is it going with you?" loosens the tongues much more readily.

Are we talking about some kind of trick? No, the issue is: what is the purpose of the visit? The Lord is interested in the well-being of His sheep, their well­being in every aspect of their lives. That is why the Chief Shepherd sends His shepherds into the con­gregation to inquire about their practical life. Are you really able to live as a Christian? What difficul­ties do you encounter in yourself or outside of your­self as a Christian? As a believer are you able to carry on with your work? Is there some way we can help you in this. Does the preaching of the Word support you? Are you stimulated in it to fight against sin? Are you able to keep up that fight? Do you have any specific problems? Do you feel isolated because of it? How can God notice your love for Him? Would you want to grow in faith. Et cetera.

These are all questions, not asked condescendingly by a boss, but by someone who stands beside you, who is looking out for you and who himself also needs looking out for. Not the eye of an inspector to see if you do everything right, but the look of some­one who knows what life is about and who has some idea of where help might be needed. Also help in the form of instruction or, if necessary, admonition. Speaking in the right tone can win the other's trust. And then it is possible to listen together to what God says about these matters.

The Right Attitude←⤒🔗

When Peter was made apostle, he had to answer only one question. But that question was asked by Jesus three times: "Do you truly love me?"

That is the only way to be an officebearer. That is the only attitude with which an officebearer can speak and do his work. Otherwise the office will be a burden to all. The love for Christ has to be translated into love for the brothers and sisters. Actually this should be the attitude of every believer, as well. (Matt. 25:40)

When people were leaving him for Jesus, John the Baptist said: "I am the friend of the Bridegroom, He has the bride" (John 3:29). The friend of the bride was a kind of master of ceremonies, though different from the kind we think of today. His main task was to bring the bride to the bridegroom. And having done that, he would step back. The main thing was that the bride and groom were together. That is why John the Baptist accepted the fact that people were not following him any longer, but were going after Jesus. That was exactly the intention!

This quick sketch shows us the importance of the office as well as its limitation, and our proper attitude towards both of them.

The importance of the office is clear: the Bridegroom sends you with the message of His love for the bride, and with the task to discover her response to that. That is the broader context in which preaching and home visitation continue year after year.

The limitation of the office is also very clear: the bride has to give response herself. The friend himself cannot do that for her.

And so with what attitude are the office bearers to speak, both from the pulpit and in the homes?  Al­ways in such a way that the love of Christ is made apparent. Love which is committed, which can be very jealous, which can react with indignation but which is nevertheless always love and which invites a positive response of heartfelt love, too. And that means love which is also always ready to be every­thing for the other, to understand every problem, to sympathize in every sorrow, to descend into every depth (Phil. 2:5).

And to make this importance and limitation of a home visit clear, there is nothing wrong with asking on occasion: "So what do you expect from a home visit?" Or to ask, when a new office bearer meets one of his charges: "And what do you expect from your district elder?" This will certainly promote openness as well as the awareness that good must come from both sides. This shows then how important it is that in this way the home visits will become a source of support, something to look forward to and draw strength from to continue. It should not be an iso­lated interview, but a dialogue which stands in the context of all the shepherding that takes place in the congregation.

Including the Youth←⤒🔗

The boys and girls can then also be included. And they will, of course, be involved. And no one will laugh afterward when they also have been plainly asked about their faith.

It is silly when a mother and father are asked about how they live their faith, and next junior is only asked how things are going in catechism class. Of course, it is important to know that too, but it isn't really probing the heart. And our youth realise this all too well.

Once, a father was seriously ill. At the home visit three children were present, between the ages of ten and fifteen. And the conversation was all about school and society. Until the father himself inter­vened and said to the elder: "Why don't you ask how they're able to deal with my illness in faith?" You see, if those kinds of questions are asked, they won't joke about the visit either.

Of course, it is best to approach the youth somewhat indirectly. It all de­pends on the age. But even at a young age they should be able to respond to questions about whether they know what the Bible or what a church service is about. And from there the conversa­tion can proceed naturally by explain­ing certain things and showing how they can be involved in these things themselves.

When they are somewhat older, per­sonal prayer life would be a suitable topic for discussion and a method for probing the relationship with their Lord. The question: "Do you pray every day?" scares them off, of course. This is not very helpful. But if you ask: "Do you really believe that someone is listening when you pray?" you lead the conversation towards discussion about the value, reality and content of prayer. This will help and stimulate, and the young person then also knows where the elder gets his own strength from.

If they are older yet, you can ask the question whether they think it strange or annoying that there are so many churches. Most likely you then touch on some­thing that causes them a fair bit of doubt and strug­gle, even though they may not readily admit that themselves. But the fact that there are so many different churches can hinder a young person from really developing a heartfelt love for Christ and His church. But let it all come out in the open, so that it may be discussed what it means to follow Christ and to listen to His voice and to expect everything out of His grace alone. When things unfold in this manner, you can also include something about what it means to take up your cross, deny your own will and do the will of Christ. While at the same time the question of the love for God and how He can hear and see it is also interwoven in all of this.

These are only a few examples. But they do show something of how you can inquire on a personal level and probe without coming across the wrong way, but in a helpful manner. After all, it is exactly at this level that faith involves struggle already at a youthful age. The battle for the heart of man begins early. But the seeking for faith is something that remains important all along.

Christ Central←⤒🔗

The young Christian church throughout all Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed peace right in the midst of a time of persecution (Acts 9:31). Evidently, peace means here inner harmony, unity, in faith. That is amazing, since the residents of Judea were the more important kind of people; nothing good could come from Nazareth in Galilee; and the Jews and Samari­tans never got along with each other. But, clearly, faith in Christ was such a central thing in the lives of these people, that it was truly the uniting factor among them all.

This is the secret of the unity of the church to this day. It is a gathering of totally different people who do not seek each other because they are so well-matched as far as origin, attitude, experience of feelings are concerned. As soon as someone starts to promote his own origin or attitude as the norm for everyone else, he breaks down communion. That is because these things are not the same for everyone. The unity of the church is not based on background, culture, tradi­tion, upbringing or development. Not at all! Neither can feelings, no matter how much they are part of faith, be the binding factor in the church. For feelings and the expression of feelings differ from person to person. All of us, old and young, must here be of the same mind. In the church it is Christ who gathers. It is He who unites.

It is important to bring this to the fore. For we live in a situation in which all kinds of directions are begin­ning to proliferate among us in the churches. No one wants this, and yet it takes place.

What is the proper reaction to that? A lot of polem­ics? Rather not. The consistories have the key. The elder who goes on a home visit has the key. Let him inquire about faith! About that faith which places Christ first in one's personal life. So much can be said about this together as described above. Prayer life will reflect all this, if trust and devotion and readi­ness are expressed in it. Whoever prays and lives like that, is in the first place a Christian and only thereafter whatever one's origin. Only in this way can there be real peace with other Christians and can the unity of the church be maintained. Maintaining that unity includes "bending the necks under the yoke of Christ" as we confess in Article 28 of the Belgic Confession. Every member of the church wants to keep that unity, but it is not part of our nature. Here lies a constant source of tension, a threat to the unity of the church. If the elder perceives such a threat, let him address it. My brother, my sister, do you find it difficult to be the least? What does it mean to you to have the mind, the attitude, of Christ? Do you find it difficult to understand some brothers and sisters? What are you prepared to do about it? and so forth. That is how you prevent people from entrenching themselves in a passive and critical position. Ask about faith, also for the sake of peace.

Who Shall Separate Us?←⤒🔗

This inner peace we referred to above is not only a good response to any persecution by the world, but also to all kinds of suffering inflicted on us by others. Whoever puts Christ first in his life knows: nothing can separate us, though the whole world would burn up. It is, therefore, really important to inquire about a living faith.