There are ‘how-to’ guides for nearly everything now. From guides showing you how to replace the cracked screen of your phone, to leaflets that walk you through the finer points of growing your own greens in a window box.

Yet you would struggle to find a guide teaching you how to stop going to church. I suspect the reason for that is because people are already pretty good at stopping church all by themselves.

No doubt very many people who read this magazine once went to church. You have either stopped completely, or have become very erratic. How does that happen? How did it happen for you?

Here is a rough guide.

Step One – Find a Flaw⤒🔗

The first thing to do, to eventually stop going to church at all, is to find a flaw and not let it go. In all honesty, this is the easiest of steps. There are so many flaws to choose from! Maybe the sermons are too long. Maybe they are too boring. Maybe they are too hard, too harsh. Or perhaps the church is too old-fashioned or even too modern.

Or it could be a problem with the people. They appear self-righteous. They are hypocrites. You imagine they look down on you. They are not welcoming enough. Or they never leave you alone.

It might even be something that the church does. You can be put off by infighting in the church. There may be people there you don’t like. You might feel neglected in pastoral care. No-one ever visits. No-one seems to care, unless it is to ask for donations. Perhaps you feel you were given a hard time by the church. You have a grievance.

Fix on one of the many flaws that exist in every church and make that your reason.

Step Two – Test run what it’s like to Miss Church←⤒🔗

Now you have an answer to that nag of conscience, telling you to go to church on Sunday. Now you can quieten down that sense of guilt. You can counter your own conscience with a glaring issue. Why should I go? No-one speaks to me. No-one visits me. They only want my money.  All hypocrites. They look down at me. So when your conscience, or your upbringing, says, ‘You should be in church!’ you are ready with your answer. And so you have begun on the road to church non-attendance. Once you have missed once, and justified it to yourself, you then waited for the reaction. But nothing happened. Maybe no-one asked why you weren’t there? No-one called to see you or phoned. Nothing dreadful occurred. You were waiting for something, anything.

Step Three – Get used to Missing Church←⤒🔗

Because nothing happened and no-one challenged you, it only seems to confirm your reasons. See – they don’t care! And with renewed zeal missing church gets easier and easier.

But even all this is not enough to keep you away for good, not enough to really confirm you in non-attendance.

Step Four – Believe you would be a Hypocrite←⤒🔗

The key to really committed non-attendance is to make non-attendance a matter of personal integrity and morality. That is the icing on the cake. If you can believe that to attend church would actually be a lie, a delusion, and a deception in your case – well then you can even train that once nervous conscience to turn itself on its head. Surprisingly you can get your conscience to convict you even over thinking about going to church!

‘After all, to go, that would be hypocritical. I’m an honest man. I must be true to myself. I’ve lived this way for so many years. I can hardly turn around now and start going to church. I’m not two-faced’.

Of course – none of this is what should happen. But for whatever reason it is easy to stop coming to church. And seemingly very hard to start.

How clever Satan is – to turn what was once a shameful absence from God’s House on God’s Day into a matter of conscientious objection! How blind the human heart is, to believe that honesty forbids you from seeking mercy from God for your sins, and salvation for your soul!

How do you begin something like going to church?                       

How to start going to Church←⤒🔗

Step One: Find the Right Church←↰⤒🔗

If you are thinking of going to church, presumably it is because you want to worship the real, living God. The only way to get to know God is through His revelation of Himself. He makes Himself known in the Bible. So you would want a church that treats the Bible seriously, believing it, explaining it and practising it. Sadly, there are some ministers who don’t believe what the Bible says. It is the fault of some churches that they have put this obstacle in your way, and I must apologise for it. But how can you, as someone who doesn’t go to church, find out if a church believes the Bible? If you know someone who is a serious Christian, ask them for advice. If you don’t have anyone to ask, or anyone you would feel comfortable asking, then you will have to try to find out for yourself. A church web-site can be helpful or even a church notice-board. It will only ever be worth your while going to church if they believe and preach what God says in the Bible. The only way we can know God and salvation is through the Bible which God has given us to tell us about Himself and the way to please Him and be saved.

Step Two: What to Expect←↰⤒🔗

What really happens once you enter a church?

You will be welcomed by two or three people who stand at the door for that purpose. Churches love new people. Usually those at the door will offer you a Bible. You will find a contents page at the start of the Bible listing all sixty-six books that make up our Bible. This ensures you can follow along with the reading. Each book is sub-divided into chapters (large sections) and verses (short paragraphs or sentences).

Singing, prayer and Bible reading take place. Prayer is when we speak to God. One person, usually the preacher, will pray and we listen. The prayer asks for God’s help and mercy, and praises Him for sending his Son to be the Saviour. Praise is singing to God. Feel free to sing along. But if you feel self-conscious about singing, or are in any way unsure, no one forces anyone to sing. The Bible will be read of course. This is God’s time to speak in the service. Reading the Bible first helps everyone to understand that the message (sermon) comes from God’s Word, not the mere imagination of the preacher. The sermon is usually the longest part of the service (25-45 minutes). This is when the preacher helps us understand what this part of the Bible means, why it matters and what God expects us to do. Central to the Bible is Jesus Christ, and a true and faithful preacher will show the connection between the passage and Jesus and encourage you to trust in Jesus as Saviour.

Step Three: What to Look Out for←↰⤒🔗

What effect should you expect in yourself then?

Should you expect to see a bright light or hear a voice from heaven? No, and don’t think anything is wrong if nothing particularly dramatic happens. That’s not how to assess your experience. What you are looking for in a service can be summarised in just two things: faithfulness to the Scriptures and care for your soul.

First – was the message true to the Bible? Did the sermon preached come from the Bible? Was it a fair explanation of the passage on which the sermon is based? This determines if you were listening to God’s commands or just a man’s ideas. If you go to church you have the right to expect to hear from God, to hear what He thinks of your life, what He threatens, what He requires, what He promises and what He has done for sinners. The question is not – did you like the message? Sometimes you might and sometimes you won’t. The key is: was it true to what God says?

Secondly – did the preacher care about the souls in front of him? Don’t judge this too hastily. It might take a few weeks before you get a sense of this. But it matters greatly. Someone can preach with a deadness and heartlessness that betrays a lack of care for souls. It’s not about whether he said nice things, or is entertaining. The issue is far greater: Is he concerned for your everlasting happiness?

If you find a church that combines explaining the truth with a loving care for your best interests, then you have found a spiritual home for your soul. Value such a church and attend it as regularly as you can. You have found a spark of divine light in the bleak darkness of this world. You have found a church worth going to.