Your husband is an elder, you say? Well, join the band of women labelled 'elders' wives.' Whereas the Bible has speci­fications for men to be chosen as elders in the church, Scrip­ture contains no special instructions for women to qualify as elders' wives. The Bible does give a wonderful guideline; the guideline rooted in the creation order, which teaches that God created Eve to be a helper for her husband, Adam. So, how can you, an elder's wife, be a helper to your husband? Let me suggest a few areas to consider.

By Being Prayerful⤒🔗

Truly, this is the basic requirement for an elder's wife. Elders are placed in a position to be spiritual leaders in the church. They make visits to the church families, to the sick, to the elderly, to the lonely, to the discontented and to the wayward members. Elders are expected to counsel those in distress and those who have disagreements. They need much wisdom for these tasks. Pray much for your 'elder' husband for wisdom and compassion and a caring spirit for all concerned. Your 'elder' husband is not as trained for these tasks as a minister is, so he needs a double dose of prayer. "Pray without ceas­ing" (1 Thess. 5:17) should be your daily motto.

By Being Unselfish←⤒🔗

Does this heading surprise you? Cultivating an unselfish attitude is an area where many of us need God's grace. Your 'elder' husband will leave you alone many nights (even days) on account of church-related work. There are the monthly consistory meetings, the regular family visits and hospital or nursing home visits to make. There are synodical and com­mittee meetings to attend. There are other church meetings that crop up throughout the year. There are the Bible stud­ies or the Saturday morning men's breakfast meetings. All worthy causes – but it leaves you alone at home with the children. It can get you down when you're home to care for the little ones by yourself. Or, when the children are grown and out of the home, you may tend to feel sorry for yourself because you're home alone again. Pray for God's grace to be caring and unselfish when your 'elder' husband needs to go out in service for the King of the church.

By Being Non-Demanding←⤒🔗

Here's another stumper. Why would an elder's wife need this character quality to be supportive to her husband? Well, next to the 'loneliness' factor, the elder's wife must deal with a husband who is home for the evening (hurrah!), but who is out-of-bounds to her. He may need to make phone calls or he may need time to prepare the bulletin message. Perhaps he has to write the minutes of the consistory meeting, or write a letter to a parishioner or committee or organization. Per­haps he is reading through a selection of sermons to pick a suitable one for the coming Sunday church service.

Your eyes may pop open in surprise when you see a 300-400 page document he has to read to prepare for synod meetings. Your husband is home, yes, but he is unavailable to give at­tention to you and the children because church matters need to be dealt with. As an elder's wife, you may witness how he struggles to compose a letter, or write just the right words for a bulletin message. Untrained as he is, these tasks aren't necessarily his forte. To accomplish these assignments, your husband needs undisturbed time – and you must give him privacy to perform these duties. Here, too, an 'elder's wife' needs to pray for God's grace to forego her own desires and leave her 'elder' husband undisturbed to do his work.

By Practicing Confidentiality←⤒🔗

This is another toughie. An elder is faced with many issues that require total confidentiality. He may not share these matters with his wife. That's hard on both the husband and the wife. The wife must trust her husband and refrain from probing and prying to get information from him. She must respect his call to confidentiality. That's tough. Wouldn't you as a wife wonder what's going on when your husband is suddenly called away while together you're having coffee at a friend's place? Wouldn't you get upset when he cancels a family outing because he has to make a church-related visit? Wouldn't you wonder when your husband cancels a Saturday morning breakfast date with you because he has to make an unplanned visit? Oh, resentment may creep into your heart as you think, "How selfish people are in taking my husband away again!" Your natural curiosity wants to know what's go­ing on! Yet, you must trust your husband to do the Lord's will.

You must support him to be faithful and trustworthy. Pray for God's grace to help you to honour your 'elder' husband's commitment to confidentiality at all times in all situations.

By Being Hospitable←⤒🔗

One of the requirements of an elder is to be hospitable (1 Tim. 3:2). You, as his wife, must be of a similar mind. Are you timid? Are you fussy about a clean house? Are you worried about making meals? As an elder's wife, you may be put in situations where you have to open your home for meals and lodging to 'strangers.' Don't worry if your house isn't spic-and-span. Most visitors feel more relaxed in a home that's not super-duper clean. And as to making meals, just keep them simple. Most visitors are thankful for your hospital­ity and do not expect a fancy meal. If this is an area where you have difficulty serving, pray for God's grace to help you. Pray that you may be an instrument in His hands to serve others. You'll be surprised how you yourself will be blessed. Who knows – you might be "entertaining angels unawares." (Heb. 13:2).

In Summary←⤒🔗

So ... you're an elder's wife? Join the band of faithful women in serving the Lord of the church by supporting your 'elder' husband. It doesn't come naturally. You need God's Spirit and His grace to help you in this situation. Support your 'elder' husband with your prayers, your unselfish devotion, your understanding spirit, your trusting attitude and your hospitable qualities. You will be a blessing to him as well as to your congregation, and you yourself will experience God's blessing as you "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" (1 Pet. 3:18a).