As I must write something about the topic of wives this time, I realize that it will not be without difficulties. The difficulty lies first of all in the sensitive nature of the topic, especially in this time of feminist and anti-feminist rivalry. I hope that I will not add to this rivalry with this article.

The second difficulty is that as I write something about the role of women and wives, I do so as a man and a husband. The natural inclination of the ladies might be to say therefore "Well, this is only a man's point of view." I wish to avoid that. What you will read is not man's opinion; not even the opinion of such godly men as Moses, Peter or Paul, but what God Himself has to say about wives.

Let us discover together what God's Word has to say about the role of wives. And about husbands, we will have to go back to the Garden of Eden. Why did God cre­ate the woman and bring her to the man? God Himself tells us in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him."

There you have the description of the role of a woman and wife. She could be a help-meet for man, that is a helper, a counter part suitable for man. Or as it could be translated from the original "A helper of his like." When God brought Eve to Adam, Adam saw in her his likeness, his image, and that in turn was the image of God. Adam saw that his wife and helper would complement him and make him complete.

Now mankind could obey the mandate of God (Gen. 1:28) to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion. Now as husband and wife, those desires of the Lord God could be answered. Now man had someone capable of helping and assisting him. Whatever was lacking in the man the wife was able to supply. With her talents, insights, physical and other abilities the wife could assist and complement and complete her husband. Only the woman as wife could do this. One time, Adam had all the animals of the Garden parade past him and he gave names to all of them but he, Adam, was still alone. None of them was a suitable, complementary help meet for him. Adam needed someone like himself; someone of the same intelligence, and with the same hopes and desires to serve God. Adam needed someone with whom he could worship and obey God.

Therefore God created woman from one of the ribs of Adam. Someone gave a nice explanation of this once: "God did not make woman from a bones of man's head, so that she would exercise authority over him; God did not make woman from a bone of man's foot, so that she would be trampled on; but God made woman from man's ribs which are close to his heart, to show that she must be treated as his companion, and be loved, nourished and cherished by him."

The role of a woman and wife is to be a companion to her husband, to be his counterpart, suitable and complementary to him, to be his help-meet who will be loved, nourished and cherished by him. Eve was perfectly satisfied with this role of being wife to Adam. She was both physically and emotionally different from Adam in terms of capabilities and talents. Those differences made it possible for Eve to be the best possible help-meet for her husband. Eve was different from Adam – but not lower or inferior to him. In fact she was called the "glory of the man" (1 Cor. 11:7). Eve, as wife in the Garden of Eden, was satisfied and content with this role.

But then came the fall into sin and everything changed from beauty and peacefulness to ugliness and strife. Whatever is now ugly and strife-torn and messed-up is so because of that fall into sin. That fall has also messed-up the relationship between husband and wife. Now husbands for instance, have to be reminded to love their wives, while before the fall that love was as pure as the love of God.

But that fall has also messed-up the role of the wife. Now the wife is often not satisfied or content to be the help-meet of the husband. Now, because of the fall, the wife has to be reminded by the Word of God in Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18, "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." And in Titus 2:5 we read, "Wives, be obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed." 1 Peter 3:1 states, "Wives be in subjection to your own husbands."

Just as husbands must now be admonished to love their wives, the wives now have to be admonished to submit to their husbands. Just as husbands, be­cause of sin, have trouble sometimes loving their wives, so wives, because of sin, have trouble sometimes submitting to their husbands. The explanation for this can be found in Genesis 3:16 where God speaks to poor, deceived Eve: "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. And thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee." There would be much unpleasantness in store for the wife. Sorrow would be multiplied for her especially when it comes to conceiving, giving birth and raising children. A mother's joy would often be mingled with mother's tears.

But there is yet a heavier strain on the wife. Sin has put tension and rivalry in her relationship to her husband. "And thy desire shall be to thy husband." Many people have trouble understanding what this means. Does it mean that she will always be craving for her husband? I don't think so. Does it mean that she, as wife, must always answer and submit to the desires of her husband. No, I don't think this either. That would not really be much of a curse, would it, especially not for the husband. I rather believe, that it means this: It will become the desire of the wife to be like her husband. After the fall, it be­came the sinful urge and desire of the woman to rival her husband in the role of headship and ruler. It became the inward craving for the woman to contend with her husband for the leadership role in their relationship.

Do you see what kind of a curse sin has brought upon the relationship of husband and wife? That curse has had implications for their relationship. Because of sin, a woman and a wife will by nature no longer be satisfied and happy with the leadership of man and husband. She will, by nature, no longer be satisfied to be a help-meet, a companion, a complement and a glory to her husband, but will have the craving to rival and rebel against husband-headship. Sin has put the unquenchable thirst in a woman to get the mastery over the man. This sin has already soured and broken-up many beautiful husband and wife relationships.

The curse of it is seen today in this world as women are rivalling, some very militantly, to have equality with the man and even to have the mastery over the man. With all the sad and sorrowful consequences which follow in its wake. Both man and woman are hurting from it. Man and woman have come to stand in opposite camps to each other, and neither side is very happy about it.

Many marriages have already fallen victim to this curse through rivalry, struggles for mastery, women trying to take the place of men, doing just a bit better. And many women are succeeding. But it will be a very unhappy and a troubled success because from Genesis 3:16 we know that it is a cursed success.

Wives, the Word of God is clear also on this issue. The LORD God had wise and good intentions for you when He made you from man's rib and brought you as wife to man, to be a help suitable to him, to be his companion, his complement and his glory. Wives, resist those cravings and those desires which are so popular and so glorified today by some strong movements and groups.

I realize that they come at you from all sides. They can make it so alluringly glamorous – the liberated woman, the career girl, she has made it on her own, she has made it to the top, she has successfully rivalled and out-rivalled man. And now this same liberated woman, with a measure of benign contempt, looks down upon you who have not liberated yourself. She says she feels sorry for you who are "merely homemakers," because that, she says, is not a glamorous career. She says that she pities you because you have never been able or daring to strike out on your own, you are not a career maker, or a business maker. She says that she feels for you because you are still slave to man.

Wives, and for that matter, all the ladies and the girls – do not fall for that line. It is a devilish and a deceiving line. It is a line which has brought many a career-woman to bitter loneliness and even to the brink of suicide. It is a line which carries the venom of the curse of Genesis 3:16. It is a line which is certain to drive a wedge between you and your husband, and will inevitably sow seeds of discontent and unhappiness in your marriage. It is a line which tries to break you away from God's specially designed role for you as wife, help-meet, companion, complement and glory of your husband.

Of course, such a divinely designed role also brings with it some responsibilities for the wife who wants to be obedient to God's Word. It has been said already, that you will have to resist the cravings and desires which new liberated voices might be stirring up in you. Do so prayerfully, because, as time goes on, it will become more and more difficult to resist those liberating voices. They make the liberated life look so glamorous and free spirited, and yours so dull and bound. But it is your responsibility, as much as it is the husband's, to listen to the Word of God, and not to the voice of the world.

It is your responsibility to understand God's will for your womanly role in life. God does not require of you to become like a man. That would be unnatural and even cruel. Under normal circumstances a wife should not have to bear the same responsibilities as a husband. The husband is to be the provider, but you are the homemaker, and except in extreme situations, you should not have to become the provider, because then your homemaking talents will suffer.

You have been given special talents by God to build a home – to warm it with love, to decorate it with beauty and clean­liness, to make it attractive with hospitality and friendliness. But your responsibility is also to be a help-meet, a help suitable for your husband. This will require that you know his weaknesses so that you can encourage him and be of strength and support to him. This will require that you recognize his talents or his lack of talents, and meet him and assist him with your talents. This will require that you know when to comfort your husband, when to admonish him and when to rebuke him. Wives, your responsibility is to keep the created order of God intact. That is that the husband is head of the wife, and the wife responsive to the head. Wives, allow your husbands to be head and honour this created order. Do not take over an authority which God has given to the hus­band.

Sometimes a wife is not pleased with the headship and the authority of her hus­band, and the husband willingly gives it up. But wives, this is not pleasing to God. If your husband lacks headship and husband authority, then assist him with your gifts and talents so that he can become a good leader and exercise the right authority as a husband. This is what it means to be help-meet to him. Most husbands are not automatically and naturally good leaders and good authorities. They need wifely assistance. But do not take over and become the head and the authority yourself. The Bible does not say "Wives submit to your husbands, if you consider them capable husbands." It simply says "Wives submit." This is being a help-meet to your husband and his companion. This is how you may complement him and how you can become the glory of your husband.

Someone may ask "But what if my husband is an unbeliever, and does not live according to God's Word?" The Bible recognizes this problem. In 1 Peter 3 such a husband is described. He does not obey God's Word. But yet, God's Word says to you as wife: "Be in subjection." This means that you honour your head, the husband, and respect his authority. How? With a lot of teaching and preaching, nagging, accusing or rebuking? No, but so that "without the word he may be won by the conversation." This means by the walk and conduct of the wife who is chaste (morally clean) and filled with godly fear.

Wives, the world says that hairdos, make-up, jewels and nice clothes make you beautiful. But from the Bible I conclude that you should not stake your beauty on that. Of course you should take care of yourself as a clean, healthy and neat appearance is already a beauty to behold on a woman. But the Bible tells us where the real beauty of a wife and a woman lies. "It is the woman with a God-fearing heart, who loves and serves the LORD. It is the woman who is adorned with a meek and quiet spirit." God con­siders such a woman a great price in His sight.

Again you may ask, "But should the wife of an unbelieving husband submit to everything that such a husband requires of her?" Not if it is against the Word of God. Then you must obey God rather than man. "But that is easier said than done," you may reply. "What if a husband is mean and cruel or makes unfair and ungodly demands of his wife?" Sadly, this is happening! This is also a result of sin. History is full of black pages of husbands mistreating or abusing wives. History is a sad record of how women have been dealt a raw deal by men – objects of lusts, as beasts of burden, as things rather than human beings. Men have much to answer for in the day of judgement. A heavy load of guilt bears down upon men because of how wives and women have been treated and thought of. In a certain way it is no wonder that women have begun to rebel and have begun to stand up and fight for their rights. They have the right to be treated as equals and as human beings created after God's own image, with souls and spirits, just like man.

Women are gloriously different from men, but under no circumstances are they a lower being or inferior or less intelligent or less loved by God. In God's sight male and female are equal. In this respect, men had better begin to think more like God.

But what if you have a husband who has no regard for God or for His Word, and makes cruel demands of you, and perhaps abuses you verbally or physically? Then wives, women and girls, there are office-bearers and there is a pastor, and there are people willing to help you and defend you! Do not keep it to yourself! Your responsibility is to bring such abuse into the open so that such sins can be dealt with according to God's Word.

Being subject and submitting to husbands is what God requires of you, but God never required that you be an object of abuse for a husband or a man. Think of it, if you would never say anything about it and always meekly submit and cover-up such nonsense, your man could very well die in his sins without ever having been properly admonished and disciplined.

Wives, your responsibility here is great, and admittedly also very difficult for you. But also in this you are to be a "help-meet" for your husband. The greatest help you could give him possibly is by helping him find the cure for wife and woman abuse. Covering up for the sins of your husband might be easier on you. But remember Saphira, the wife of Ananias? She perished in covering up for her husband.

Let me also give you some encouragement. Being a true help-meet for your husband will and ought to evoke praise from a God-fearing husband. Such a husband ought to consider it an incomparable blessing when you assist him to obey the LORD's charge of "Be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it and have dominion…" Such a God-fearing husband ought then also to value it immensely when you can fill in where he is lacking. A man who is concerned to live rightly before his God and with his wife, will highly esteem his wife's pious words of encouragement but also her careful words of admonition for the sins she sees in him.

Wives, a husband can have no better constructive critic and advisor and com­panion than his very own wife. A God-fearing husband will know that you are a complement to him, and then he will also consider you his glory.

Read Proverbs 31, ladies. It speaks about the virtuous wife. I know that reading it might have a tendency to depress you and cause you to exclaim, "How could I ever become such a woman and wife." The point is, however, not to look at all the things this woman did – some can do more, some cannot do that much, and some things need not to be done any more of what you read there – but the point is not what this woman did, but rather, how her husband praised her. She is a virtuous woman, a price far above rubies, she is her husband's ornament and glory!

Wives, such praise may, and should, also be heard from your husband, if he fears the LORD as he has learned to value you as his help-meet for him. Let this also be a consideration for God-fearing husbands who have such wives. But wives, there is yet a greater encouragement. You may also know that no one has more compassion and understanding for you as wives, than the LORD Jesus Christ. While He was still on earth, women adored Him in a holy and virtuous way. They knew that He always had an understanding, compassionate and sympathizing ear for them. At a time when men, even men with religion, snubbed women, mistreated them and subjected them to slavish fears, the LORD Jesus gathered them around Him, and commended them for their faith, for their great faith even, rarely seen in the men of Israel. He encouraged women. He stimulated them to greater service. He even forgave sins in them which men would never have forgiven. It is no surprise that women were the Saviour's most dedicated followers even unto His death. They, not the men, went to the tomb to embalm His lifeless body. This is how devoted those women were even to a dead Jesus.

But wives, you are also called to show Him your devotion – and not now to a dead Jesus but – to a living Jesus who is a loving Saviour, with a living compassion for your wifely difficulties and fears and anxieties. You are called to devote yourself to Him Who is concerned with your wifely sins and your womanly infirmities. Your calling is to become like those holy women of old times who trusted in God. There is One who understands perfectly who you are and what you desire and what your needs are. And this is not a man's opinion, but the Word of God.