Only a few decades ago, the family dinner was a typical pattern in every home. Those who were around in the sixties and earlier will remember what it was like in their own neighbourhood: by late afternoon, every dad had come home from work and the streets became quiet, because every family was sitting down for at least an hour for the family dinner. Perhaps in the evening dad would go to a meeting and mom might take some of the children to music lessons, but the dinner hour was inviolable. But how times have changed! Now, the family dinner is more of a nostalgic image from Norman Rockwell than a modern reality. The whole idea somehow seems quaint today.

Too Busy⤒🔗

Something like the traditional family dinner does not disappear because people don’t enjoy it or appreciate it. In fact, when I talk with my neighbours, their unanimous conclusion is that they all enjoyed family dinners while growing up but to their dismay they don’t practise it in their present family life. They really miss it. At the same time they conclude that there is nothing they can do to recapture the family dinner. Why not? People are just too busy. For most families, having an evening meal together is a scheduling nightmare.

Both parents work and have different schedules. Children are in all kinds of extracurricular programs: swimming and music lessons, ballet, sports activities, art classes, scout meetings, etc. Teenagers have part-time jobs. TVs and computers haven’t been a great help either. It is not uncommon for teenagers and younger children to pop something in the microwave and then eat their meal in their bedroom in front of the computer screen. When dad or mom comes home, they do the same, often eating their food standing over the kitchen sink. That way they can rinse their plate and cup and be done with it.

Sociologists are Worried←⤒🔗

As Christians, we should know and appreciate the value of family time together and how the dinner table is a wonderful opportunity for growing together as a family and in our relationship with God. However, secular sociologists have long agreed that the simple act of families eating and talking together promotes close relationships and positive behavioural development. Family meals promote conversation, sharing of ideas, unfolding fears and concerns, and it creates an atmosphere of belonging. This is so important for children who have so many questions, fears, and doubts about the things they experience on a daily basis. When children feel that the family dinner table is a safe place to speak and be heard, to open one’s heart, then parents and siblings can be a tremendous support to one another.

Here children learn to speak openly about things that they might never dare to share with their peers. The dinner table can be one of life’s most effective classrooms. It is where children learn values and manners and social skills. It is where they learn to listen, to interact, and to support.

Sociologists are worried that the family bond is fading and creating a vacuum for young people. The vanishing of the family meal is not just sad; it is harmful to our society. One high school counsellor writes, “The busier people get and the less time they spend together as a family, the more kids feel disconnected from their families and the more problems they have ... I see way too many kids who are depressed and who are on medication for depression – kids who have everything going for them.” A professor of child development writes, “At a time when kids are under a lot of stress for a lot of different reasons, having that regular mealtime that they can count on, that their parents are there for support – that can be very helpful.”

Recent Studies←⤒🔗

2005 produced a number of major studies by universities and family-oriented groups that presented statistical analysis connecting the demise of the family meal with problems among the youth. Research suggests that at the dinner table children learn right from wrong. A study from Columbia University informs us of the following:

Teenagers who have dinner with their families at least five times a week – when compared to teenagers who don’t – are 42 percent less likely to experiment with alcohol, 59 percent less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66 percent less likely to try marijuana. Those who experience the dinner hour are also about 40 percent more likely to get A’s and B’s in school.

I realize that statistics seldom give a complete and perfect picture. Nevertheless, there is an undeniable logic here: closely-knit families who share time and talk together will naturally encourage and produce children with morals and values, good work ethic, and good manners.

The Christian Home←⤒🔗

As Christians we know the value of the family dinner. We take to heart a passage such as Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

It appears, however, that even in Christian homes the family meal is becoming less common. I witness this as a pastor. I do appreciate that we live in different times and this has a serious impact on the way we live. Our college and university students can have mandatory classes that take them from early morning to late at night. Certain careers necessitate working some evenings, right through the dinner hour.

We like to give our children swimming and music lessons, and suitable times can be hard to find. These are the pressures of the modern age which are not always avoidable. At the same time, our priorities can become seriously skewed. Permitting children to take supper to their bedroom to be eaten at the computer, having TV on constantly, feeling that every kind of sports activity is the most important thing for your children, working late to accumulate more possessions, or simply not wanting to put the effort in preparing a good dinner – these are things we need to avoid or to change. We may think more money or sports is extremely important, but wouldn’t our children benefit more from a good meal together complete with good conversation than going to a soccer game, for instance? We need to prioritize.

At the dinner table a family can read the Word of God and pray together. Everyone can share experiences of the day. Fears and doubts and bad experiences can be voiced. Family members have opportunity to show empathy for one another and so be supportive. Questions about morality and choices can be raised and answered. Discussions about education, careers, friends, and marriage are incredibly helpful and satisfying as a closely-knit family unit seeks to help one another in a way that causes each person to grow within the family and in relationship to God.

Our Neighbour←⤒🔗

We also need to consider our society where the traditional family is in serious jeopardy. I mentioned speaking about these things with my neighbours. Many bemoan the loss of the traditional family dinner. Many see the harmful effects that result.

As Christians, we can be a positive example to our neighbour – both by talking about these things and by showing in our experience how it is possible to maintain this great family experience of the family dinner.