Introduction⤒🔗

As a young man, Joe Scriven had been engaged to a woman he deeply loved. But tragedy struck the night before their wedding; his fiancée drowned in a boating accident.

In hope of forgetting the shock and the loss, Joe left his home in Ireland and went to Canada. There he devoted himself to teaching school and living a very simple life, spending his money and strength to help people in need.

He was considered to be an eccentric by some, and consequently was consigned to a solitary life. That misunderstanding and isolation, coupled with the heartfelt loss of his fiancée, could have been overwhelming, had Joe not had such a good friend.

In appreciation of that faithful friend, one day Joe wrote a poem, he entitled it, What a Friend We Have in Jesus. Joe’s poem to his Friend became one of the most beloved hymns of the Christian church.¹ Yes, as a Christian, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, your Lord and Savior, is also your best friend.

When seeking an earthly friend, and when seeking to be a true friend, look for the same characteristics that are found in the Lord Jesus Christ, our great and divine Friend. Look for a friend who exhibits faithful commitment, like the Lord Jesus:

Knowing that his hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father, and having loved his own who were in the world, Jesus now loved them to the fullest extent. Jn. 13:1

Look for a friend who gives godly counsel, like the Lord Jesus:

I did not speak of my own accord; on the contrary, the Father who sent me, he has commanded me what to say and how to speak. ⁵⁰And I know that his commandment is eternal life. Therefore, what I say is just what the Father has spoken to me. Jn. 12:49-50

The next topical study from the Book of Proverbs focuses our attention on these two characteristics of a true friend.

Cherish the Friend Who Demonstrates True Commitment (Prov. 17:17; 18:24; 19:6; 23:6-8; 20:19)←⤒🔗

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov. 17:17)←↰⤒🔗

A true friend is distinguished by his faithfulness; he “loves at all times.” This attribute of true friendship is well expressed in the words of a popular song;

In good times, in bad times,
You can count on me for sure:
I’ll be at your side forevermore,
That’s what friends are for.

Consider the example of Jonathan and David. Jonathan exhibited his friendship for David even in the face of the evil wrath of his father and despite the prospect of losing the throne of Israel:

¹Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself... ³And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. ⁴Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.1 Sam. 18:1,3-4

Consider David’s eulogy for Jonathan: “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women” (2 Sam. 1:26). David is here speaking of brotherly love that expressed itself in commitment and even self-sacrifice.

A time of adversity is when you really need a friend, and that is when you discover who will prove himself to be a true friend. Cherish the friend who demonstrates true commitment.

He who makes many friends does so to his own ruin; but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov. 18:24)←↰⤒🔗

Proverbs 18:24a is describing the man who wants to be friends with everybody; he wants to be liked by all, he cannot stand the thought of being rejected by anybody. Such a man will sacrifice anything, (his integrity, his virtue, his standards, his self-respect, his dignity, his conscience, his convictions), to be accepted and gain “friends.” But he does so to his own destruction; he has sacrificed all that is valuable, and he gets nothing of value in return.

Consider the blind beggar who boldly withstood the Pharisees, as he is described in John 9:24-34,

So a second time they summoned the man who had been blind and said to him, 'Give glory to God, we know that this man [Jesus] is a sinner. ²⁵He answered, 'I do not know whether or not he is a sinner. One thing I do know: I was blind, but now I can see.' ²⁶Then they asked him, 'What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?' ²⁷He answered them, 'I already told you, but you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become his disciples?' ²⁸They reviled him and said, 'You are his disciple; but we are disciples of Moses. ²⁹We know that God spoke to Moses; but we do not know from where this man comes.' ³⁰The man replied, ‘This is remarkable! You do not know from where he comes and yet he opened my eyes. ³¹We know that God does not listen to sinners; but if anyone worships God and does his will, God listens to him. ³²Since the world began, no one has ever heard of anyone opening the eyes of a man born blind. ³³If this man were not from God, he could do nothing. ³⁴They responded to him by saying, 'You were totally born in sins, and would you teach us?' And they threw him out [of the synagogue].

Now contrast the beggar with those rulers who dared not withstand the Pharisees:

⁴²even among the rulers many believed in [Jesus]. But because of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; ⁴³for they loved the glory that is from men more than the glory that is from God. Jn. 12:42-43

What accounts for the difference between the beggar with his boldness and the believing rulers who were too timid to confess their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ? The blind beggar had no influential “friends,” (he was not a part of the “network”). But he did have a lot of character, courage, and independence. The believing rulers were “in the loop” of influential people, but that “loop” proved to be a noose around their necks, preventing them from taking a stand for truth and expressing their commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. These men allowed themselves to be held captive by the threat of rejection by their influential “friends;” these rulers are an example of what Proverbs 18:24a means when it says, “He who makes many friends does so to his own ruin.” Those many “friends” can exert pressure upon you to conform to their will, tempting you to compromise, or even deny, the truth, lest you lose their “friendship.”

Proverbs 18:24b contrasts the many “friends” with the one friend who “sticks closer than a brother.” The characteristic of a true friend is faithfulness, (not manipulating his friends for his own benefit, not rejecting his friends when they take a courageous and dangerous stand for truth and righteousness). Such friendship is a rarity, (this proverb contrasts the one true friend with the many so-called friends).

Many will curry the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to the man who gives gifts. (Prov. 19:6)←↰⤒🔗

Take a bag of peanuts to the city park, sprinkle a few on the ground, and before long you are “befriended” by a whole flock of pigeons. But what happens when you run out of peanuts? Your pigeon “friends” desert you.

Whereas some people seek to gain and maintain friends by compromising their character, other people seek to buy friends with their wealth and generosity. But such “friends” will only remain so long as your resources hold out. In His parable of the Prodigal Son, Jesus declares,

...the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. Lk. 15:13-16

Once the young man’s resources were exhausted all his “friends” deserted him and not one came to his aid.

Do not eat the food of a stingy man, and do not desire his delicacies; ⁷for he keeps his thoughts to himself. “Eat and drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. ⁸You will vomit up the morsel you have eaten and will have wasted your compliments. (Prov. 23:6-8)←↰⤒🔗

This proverb is speaking about a selfish, self-centered man; it says literally, “Do not eat the food of a man who has an evil eye.” “An evil eye” has the meaning of selfish, sinister motivation; note Deuteronomy 15:7-9,

⁷If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother; ⁸rather, be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs. ⁹Be careful not to harbor this wicked thought: 'The seventh year, the year for canceling debts, is near,' and consequently, you have an evil eye toward your needy brother and you give him nothing. He may then appeal to the LORD against you, and you will be found guilty of sin.

This is a man whose own interests are paramount in his life; he does not have any interest in being, or even the capacity to be, a true friend. The counsel of Scripture is to not accept his offer of hospitality and supposed friendship. Why?

Do not accept his proffered “friendship” because he is cunning and conniving: “he keeps his thoughts to himself.” What he is really like is revealed in the thoughts and plans of his heart, which he conceals from you. In his mind he calculates what benefit he can derive from your acquaintance and how he can use your relationship for his own personal profit.

Based on the Hebrew word שָׁערַ, meaning, “to value” or “to estimate,” the Old Testament commentator C.F. Keil renders the phrase, “he is like one who calculates with himself.”² In other words, he privately calculates what advantage he can derive from this “friendship,” and then sets himself to gain personal benefit at the other’s expense, all unbeknown to the unsuspecting “friend.”

Furthermore, he is insincere. “’Eat and drink,’” he says to you, [i.e. he invites you to accept his hospitality and friendship], but his heart is not with you.” Rather than opening his heart to you, which is a characteristic of true friendship, he is concealing his heart and withholding his heart from you. “His heart is not with you;” indeed, it is against you and for himself alone.

According to verse eight, you will eventually pay dearly for his “friendship.” You will vomit out “the morsel” (indicating his stinginess) you have eaten; even the little he does give you will be disgustingly retrieved. “You will have wasted your compliments.” Your complimentary words towards this man will prove to be in vain, and when used with reference to such a man those words lose their value and become meaningless.

He who goes around as a gossiper reveals secrets; therefore, do not be a companion with the man who talks too much. (Prov. 20:19)←↰⤒🔗

The scenario presented in this proverb is as follows: You are dealing with a man who does not keep a confidence, he does not keep a secret, he betrays a trust. His friend has revealed a secret of the heart to him; perhaps for his counsel, or his support, or his prayers, or just for the relief of sharing a pressing and personal matter. Rather than keeping that matter confidential, he broadcasts it to everyone; he indulges the wicked lust to gossip and make public what was shared with him in confidence.

The first counsel of Proverbs is to cherish the friend who demonstrates true commitment:

• the friend who will be there in times of adversity
• the friend who will stand by you when all others reject you
• the friend who will not exploit you for his own selfish gain
• the friend who will not betray a confidence

Cherish such a friend, and by the grace of Christ, seek to be such a friend.

Cherish the Friend Who Confronts You with Godly Counsel (Prov. 27:5-6; 27:17; 18:1)←⤒🔗

An open rebuke is better than love that is hidden. ⁶The wounds inflicted by a friend are given in faithfulness, but the kisses of an enemy are profuse. (Prov. 27:5-6)←↰⤒🔗

The “wounds” inflicted by a friend are referring to the words of rebuke spoken by a true friend for your welfare. Here is the mark by which to gauge a true friend: Does he love you enough to rebuke you when you are in the wrong? Such rebuke demonstrates his commitment to God and his commitment to you.

Conversely, beware of flattery, for it is deceitful. Such words conceal an ulterior motive: “A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet” (Prov. 29:5). Flattering words, and excessive acts of affection, reveal an uncommitted heart: “the kisses of an enemy are profuse” (Prov. 27:6). An enemy may display a great show of affection and affirmation, but in fact his heart is not for you. This is precisely the way Judas Iscariot greeted the Lord Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane as he was in the very process of betraying Him (Matt. 26:47-49). The Greek text of verse 49 reads, “[he] kissed him much.”

What counsel does Scripture give about administering and receiving a rebuke? In giving a rebuke we are to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15). By the grace of God, we are also to be ready and willing to receive a sincere and well-meant rebuke; may we be like the Psalmist: “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it” (Psl. 141:5a).

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Prov. 27:17)←↰⤒🔗

“Iron sharpens iron.” When you scrape iron against iron you take off the dullness and make it razor sharp. Likewise, as a man interacts with his friend—exchanging insights, receiving counsel and rebuke when necessary, being challenged by his godly example—the man’s “countenance” is sharpened. The “countenance” refers to the expression on a man’s face as it reveals his mood and character.

Do you have a friend who provokes you in the way described in Hebrews 10:24? We read there, “Let us consider how we may provoke one another to love and good deeds.” If so, thank God for him.

He who separates himself is devoted to his own desire, and he rages against all sound wisdom. (Prov. 18:1)←↰⤒🔗

This proverb is speaking about a man who separates himself from the company and counsel of his friends and fellow believers. It further describes him as being “devoted to his own desire.” In other words, he has become infatuated and even obsessed with a desire, a plan, an idea, an ambition, etc. The Hebrew literally reads, “separating himself, he devotes himself to a desire.” Some idea or ambition gets hold of him; he becomes determined to pursue it, even to the point of removing himself from the counsel and care of his friends.

This man is further described as raging “against all sound wisdom.” He has become so obsessed with this desire that he has become unreasonable and irrational. The implication is that the desire itself is less than reasonable or upright, and it has managed to attract this man, confuse him, and even possess him. Now he is at the point where (like a mad man) he is raging against all sound wisdom, (i.e. godly words of counsel intended to help and guide him and extract him from the hold that this desire is exerting upon him).

This proverb points out our need for godly friends and brethren who can give us sound biblical counsel, and it also warns us of the danger of rejecting such counsel.

The counsel of Proverbs is to cherish that friend who confronts you with godly counsel: the friend who loves you enough to tell you when you are wrong; the friend whose life provokes you to Christ-like conduct. Appreciate such a friend and do not separate yourself from him; and, by the grace of Christ, seek to be such a friend.

Conclusion←⤒🔗

As Joseph Scriven testified in his hymn, our best Friend is the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. When seeking an earthly friend, look for the same characteristics that are found in the friendship offered by the Lord Jesus. Cherish the friend who 1) demonstrates true commitment; and, 2) confronts you with godly counsel—and by the grace of Christ, seek to be such a friend.

The wounds inflicted by a friend are given in faithfulness, but the kisses of an enemy are profuse. Prov. 27:6

Discussion Questions←⤒🔗

1. What is one characteristic of a true friend? See Prov. 17:17a The Lord Jesus called His disciples His friends (Jn. 15:15); how did He show His love for them and for all who put their faith in Him? See Jn. 13:1; Jn. 15:13 and Rom. 5:8b,

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

Knowing [already] before the Passover that his hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father, and having loved his own who were in the world, [Jesus now] loved them to the fullest extent. Jn. 13:1

No one has any greater love than to lay down his life for his friends. Jn. 15:13

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Rom. 5:8

2. Did the disciples reciprocate by showing themselves to be true friends of Christ? Note Mk. 14:43, 50 If we are to be true to Christ in the hour of trial, upon whom must we rely? See Eph. 6:10; Psl. 46:1,

Immediately, while he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. He was accompanied by a large crowd from the chief priests and the scribes and the elders, [armed] with swords and clubs...⁵⁰Then everyone deserted him and fled. Mk. 14:43, 50

...be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Eph. 6:10

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psl. 46:1

3. What does Proverbs 18:24a caution us about making many friends? How do we see this truth exemplified in in the lives of those Jewish rulers who were convinced Jesus is the Messiah? See Jn. 12:42-43 What might motivate us to make many friends? Note Jn. 12:43 How might we overcome the temptation to make many friends, doing so at the risk of compromising our Christian values or even our Christian confession? See Heb. 11:24-26,

He who makes many friends does so to his own ruin; but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Prov. 18:24

...even among the rulers many believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; ⁴³for they loved the glory that is from men more than the glory that is from God. Jn. 12:42-43

By faith Moses...refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, ²⁵choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season, ²⁶accounting the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt, for he looked to the reward.Heb. 11:24-26

“The reproach of Christ” is a reference to both the reproach Moses suffered for the sake of Christ as well as the fact that Moses was experiencing the reproach, the rejection by the world, that Christ Himself would experience.

4. How does Proverbs 27:6 describe the conduct of a true friend? To what is proverb referring, when it speaks of “the wounds inflicted by a friend”? See Prov. 27:5 What does it means when it says that such wounds “are given in faithfulness”? How do you react when a friend sincerely and lovingly rebukes you for sinful conduct or a sinful attitude? Note Psl. 141:5a As Christians, how are we to assist one another in developing toward spiritual maturity? Note Eph. 4:15/Gal. 6:1,

An open rebuke is better than love that is hidden. Prov. 27:5

Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. Psl. 141:5a

...practicing the truth in love, with regard to all things let us grow up in him, the one who is the head, [that is], Christ. Eph. 4:15

“Practicing the truth” includes the humble rebuke of a Christian brother or sister who is engaged in persistent sinful conduct:

Brothers, even if a man is caught in the act of committing any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a spirit of humility, being on guard so that you also are not tempted.Gal. 6:1

5. Against what does Proverbs 18:1a warn us? What kind of man is being described in Proverbs 18:1? Have you ever allowed yourself to become obsessed with a dubious course of action or an unhealthy relationship, and refused to be deterred, even by sound biblical counsel offered by your friends; have you even isolated yourself from such friends? If you are ever tempted to do so, what should you remember? See Prov. 27:17; note, again, Prov. 27:5-6a,

He who separates himself is devoted to his own desire, and he rages against all sound wisdom. Prov. 18:1

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Prov. 27:17

An open rebuke is better than love that is hidden. ⁶The wounds inflicted by a friend are given in faithfulness... Prov. 27:5-6a