The topic of pornography¹ and sexual purity is a topic that one would rather leave untouched. Most find it far too sensitive a subject to address or, like me, feel unqualified to deal with the whole matter effectively. However, the burden that is placed on my heart with the burgeoning problem that pornography is becoming in many Christian homes compels me to draw “again” our attention to this subject.

The fact remains, no one is immune to the power of this sin; not pastors, professors, teachers, missionaries and the like and so too all other members of Christ’s church: the elders, the deacons, the board members, the fathers, and their sons. It should be mentioned here that women are purposely excluded in this discussion, not because some have not fallen in this area of sexual impurity, but because the problem of pornography is seemingly a bigger evil in the lives of men and women. Although, I should quickly² add that women have a role to play in this raging battle with respect to their husbands and sons who are fighting or not fighting against this sin.

Still, I want to approach the sin of pornography and the call for purity from the angle of fathers, though not excluding their sons. That is, if so-called “faithful” men are living with this secret sin, and committing the shameful acts associated with it, what can we expect of the next generation, specifically our sons and theirs? And inseparably connected to that: how are we, as fathers, preparing our sons for this battle for purity and can we, if this sin is captivating us? Finally, are we carefully fitting – by the grace given us – their armour so that they too can stand up under Satan’s barrage of arrows filled with the sin of pornography and licentiousness?

How are You Faring?⤒🔗

In order to address these questions, we need to begin with this question: how are you faring in this battle for purity? If statistics account for anything, many Christian men may not be faring that well. In a 2003 survey from the Internet Filter Review, they found that forty-seven percent of Christians admit pornography is a major problem in their homes (Ibid). Another equally alarming statistic shows that of several thousand Christian men interviewed, over fifty percent confessed to having “used pornography in the previous seven days.” ³ This means that in many Christian churches every other man sitting in the pew has used pornography since the last time he’s been in church. These surveys were taken in America but one would not be hard pressed to find such findings in Australia or Canada and in our churches no less. Further, these statistics support the following stories of people in our churches struggling with this sin. Here are just three stories that serve as representatives for, sadly, many more.

I am 20 years old and I am addicted to pornography. Even when I say I won’t do it again, I do. Again and again. I worship this god, that I hate but not enough, I guess. I can’t seem to pray, I am too ashamed to; I feel I am lost in this sin and it is affecting my relationships and also the way I look at girls and putting disgusting thoughts into my mind ... my parents don’t know, of course, and I am far too ashamed to tell them or my friends.

Or, says one wife, I just found out my husband has been visiting pornographic sites on the Internet. He has been doing this for years. Many years, secretly setting his eyes on another woman or women and all along I never knew. I thought he was faithful, true to me and to our children. I mean, he has held office a number of times in the church. One probably couldn’t have seen it, though now as I look back, I can account for many chinks in his armor. But now ... but now, what do I do? I am deeply hurt. I am betrayed. I am angry.

One more. Another wife comments: I thought he had it beat, he said he did ... and I thought we worked through the problem together, and this was hard. But now my husband has just told me he is enslaved again... I hate it. I want to leave him, but I know this is not what the Lord wants. I hurt and I feel so deeply betrayed. What do I do?

These are only a few stories and many of you could account for many more – maybe you are living one of these stories right now. Though I sincerely hope you aren’t. Sadly there are stories that aren’t told and some are much more deadly in their magnitude. The path of sin is a relentless movement to more shameful, abominable, and even hellish acts until death. So in James 1:15, we read: “sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” This path of sin has led some men to adultery, rape, incest, participation in orgies, sodomy, and homosexuality. Some of these men may have merely begun by entertaining themselves with illicit images not realizing the journey, the road to the “grave” that they were beginning.

I don’t think I need to inform anyone that this sin of pornography is wrong. We all know or should know that it is sin. It is evil. It is a vile, repugnant, repulsive, repellent, loathsome act that fills the heart with all that is impure and immoral. It pollutes the well spring of life, your heart, where God through his Spirit wishes to make his home. It destroys relationships, causing detachment, shame, distance, and tension to mount where peace and joy and love should flourish. It corrupts, defiles, and cheapens the beautiful sexual union that God has ordained to exist between a husband and a wife. Finally, it is seeking satisfaction outside of Christ and replacing the worship of God with an idol, a woman who is but a mere object of shameful activity feasted upon by millions of eyes.

Rationalizing the Sin Away←⤒🔗

Sadly, in the research and discussions I have had on the matter, some men work hard to rationalize or normalize this sin away. This is not surprising, as the heart of man is naturally prone to sin and sin is above all deceitful. So we read in Psalm 64:6, “Surely the mind and heart are cunning.” Therefore, comments like the following ones might be heard or thought. “I can’t help it anyway, God made me like this.” Or, “At least I am not addicted.” Or, “I am not engaged in hard porn, only sunshine girls, sensual TV shows, and the like ... that’s all.” Or, “Who will ever know?” Or, “I just need to know what is out there so I can warn my family.” To the most brazen comment of all: “It is my right: my TV, my computer ... my voyeurism.” Others may not be in that camp and may find pornography as a means to escape the pressures and burdens and even pains of this life. This is a form of escapism into the world of erotic fantasy. Although the reasons for engaging in this sin may be manifold and I do not have the time nor the ability to deal with the physiological or emotional reasons that may have led some men to go down this road, the fact remains it is practiced or continued through some form of rationalization. Excuses are made and the journey continues.

However, there is a cost to rationalization. Rationalization makes the covering up of this sin like a game of charades. One lives one way in public and another way in the secrecy of his room, office, or wherever. He is merely striving for people’s praise and recognition while barring the door to the hideous activities of his heart. As one author put it, “Such men are satisfied with a form of excellence, without obedience.”⁴ The evil of pornography lurks so close to the surface, but it is suppressed by the actor who just plays his religious part scrupulously. However, you and I know that integrity is not marked by how we perform in the consistory room, in the school board room, on the committee you’ve been placed, or at work, or even in front of our children and wife – even if they will notice our possible double standards. Integrity is marked by how we perform by ourselves under the ever-present reality of a holy, awesome God. The philosopher Blaise Pascal writes:

I try to be ... faithful to all men; and whether I am alone or seen of men, I do all my actions in the sight of God, who must judge of them and to whom I have consecrated them all ... (and) who has implanted these sentiments in me.⁵

For He alone holds the measuring rod on integrity. He knows what captures our heart, our mind, the idolatry that feeds it and the lust that captivates it. He knows (c.f. Hebrews 4:13).

We need to understand that rationalization is merely the devil buying time, waiting, baiting, and luring us into more and more despicable acts, to our shame and the degradation of the Lord’s holy name. It is for good reason that God sends forth this clarion call to his children: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3). Although we serve a gracious God who “does not treat us as our sins deserve” (Psalm 103:10), He also says, “Not even a hint of sexual immorality.” We serve a holy God who desires one thing of us: a pure heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God,” Christ says so simply in Matthew 5:8. In Philippians 4:8 the Lord calls us to fill our hearts with whatever is true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. We are to meditate upon those things.

Indeed if our mind, our heart, our spirit is enraptured by God and all that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy in Him, there is no place for idolatry, false worship, and therefore the vile, secret sin of pornography.

Counting the Cost←⤒🔗

Need we be reminded of the cost of living in disobedience in this sin? David felt that cost when he allowed the lust of his flesh to reign. His family felt the consequence of this sin until his death. Read 2 Samuel 12-20 to see the burdens borne by David for the sin with Bathsheba. The truth is that without obedience to Christ in this battle we open our homes and our families to the consequence or burden of this sin. And in the same breath, we become inept in serving our wives, our families, and leading them down the path of righteousness. Indeed, Satan and his hosts have a sure foothold in your home if you constantly bathe yourself in fornication. Someone captured it this way: “Every time you retreat into your world of lust, you shut the door in God’s face. You are dangling your soul and the souls of your children over the fire of eternal damnation.”⁶

We may say that is a bit too strong, but Scripture gives us no more latitude with this sin and the consequence of this sin. It is a banquet in the grave, the consequence of which is death. However, the opposite is also true as we learn in Proverbs 20:7, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.”

Grace and Obedience←⤒🔗

Yes, when it comes to sexual sins, like every other sin, Christ does not treat us as our sin deserves. We deserve hell, but He, by his sanctifying grace, through faith, gives us heaven with Him. His grace is abundant and his Spirit works with great tenacity to cleanse us from all ungodliness. Peter states in 2 Peter 1:3 that “His divine power has given us everything that we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” In Christ this sin has no more power over you than it does Him. Paul confirms this reality in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought with a price.

However, Paul through the Spirit of Christ does not end there. No, he applies it to our redeemed will and states: “Therefore honour God with your body.” Or in Romans 13:14 “Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” The Lord is saying to every man who is lured by the devils schemes, enticed by the vileness of this sin, “Be obedient. Be engaged. Fight!” He is saying, “You can and in the grace God provides, you must!” You must see past the fleeting and sordid fantasy to the living and true reality of Christ and reset your gaze. Indeed, you must. You must for your sake, for your wife’s sake, for your children’s sake and their children’s sake, for the church’s sake, and ultimately for Christ’s sake and the glory of his name. Yes, the grace of Christ should spur us on; and it is his grace which says: “Go and leave your life of sin!” (John 8:11) And by God’s grace we can.

Exposing the Sin to the Light←⤒🔗

It is known that deeds of the darkness will stay with increasing tenacity until exposed. Some will say, I have confessed this sin to God, countless times, and still I am ensnared. Possibly such people have not truly brought it to the light, then. If you are living in this sin, have you made others aware of it, especially your wife and faithful men in the church? Have you opened the doors of your heart to Christ and those Christ has put in your life, so they too can spur you on and keep you accountable! Here obedience to Christ must settle the fear of being humbled and dealing with the fleeting emotion of shame that is felt in exposing this sin is nothing compared to the burden of a dysfunctional marriage, a break up, children who have an absent father who lacks integrity and the journey to more gross sins at the cost of God’s holy and glorious name. Have you counted the costs?

The three stories I mentioned above are success stories, in some way, because the sin has been brought to the light. And only the light of God’s grace with much patience and love can bring the necessary change that is needed to purify the heart. Each one has to be brought into the light and God will be merciful.

Some men, I have realized, need help to take this step. They would rather try to believe they can go it alone. They can’t. Others, so deeply engulfed in this sin, may need professional help in dealing with it and must not delay in receiving it. Notwithstanding, I challenge each wife and mother reading this article to ask their husband and their sons: have you been faithful with your eyes? How are you faring? Have you visited pornographic sites or are you viewing erotic TV shows or worse? Straight up: yes or no? You say, “No, I can’t do that, I trust my husband wouldn’t.” Good. Then he will say, “No” with all the confidence of heaven to back him up! But this question may be the only way he may be called to account; it may be exactly what he needs to bring this evil to the light! And by the power of God’s grace and enjoy the freedom that Christ has won for him. Your question is an act of love, to save him from the bondage of this sin.

Indeed, before men can serve effectively in their homes and then in Christ’s church as fathers, as ambassadors for Christ, this sin has to be dealt with radically. And the grace of God must be brought to bear on each and every sexual sin that enticed the heart. Then the road to recovery, which I don’t have the time to deal with in this article, can begin. Recovering lost ground in your marriage, friendships, and most importantly in Christ may be a slow and arduous journey. Like in every sin, much hurt and pain is involved. I realize that in some cases professional help will be needed immediately also for the wife.⁷ And yet, it remains the road and journey to hope, grace, joy, purity, and freedom. It is a journey that will bring glory to Christ for what He accomplished for us all! It is a journey that will enable you to sing with an enraptured and pure heart the beautiful doxology written for us in Jude 24-25:

To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Now we need to address further questions: How are we, as fathers (and mothers), preparing our sons for this battle for purity? Are we carefully fitting – by the grace given us – their armour? How can we help them so that they too can stand up under Satan’s barrage of arrows filled with the sin of pornography and licentiousness?

We all know that we desperately need strong, faithful, spiritual men – men of integrity – to serve in Christ’s church now and in the future. This work of preparing for the future begins, as it were, in our homes. The work of equipping our children for the battle for purity is our homework. The home is, of course, more than just a roof and four walls. As someone once wrote, “it is an objective and visible kingdom.”⁸That is, it is a kingdom that must be a safe haven, with the object of serving Christ – a place where He can dwell richly in the hearts of all that dwell therein.

The “Global Village”←⤒🔗

Arguably this may have been easier some thirty or forty years ago. It seems the once safe haven from the vileness of the devil has become his battlefield today. It is more and more difficult to find a home that remains a spiritual bastion where Christ dwells richly. The home is constantly under attack by a growing perverse and global community (or global village) that seeks to replace all that is pure and holy with the impure and the profane. So, the statistic mentioned in the previous article: forty-seven percent of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their homes. ⁹Satan’s domain is global.

Permit me to share a bit of an anecdote to this end. Recently I was standing near the open grave of one of our elderly church members here in Lae, Papua New Guinea. And in front of me I noticed a young boy wearing a black shirt with bright pink lettering. My eyes immediately gravitated to the bold disparity in colour. The shirt read: “Sexpo 2005, Brisbane, Australia” and then a host of licentious activities and attractions were listed below the title. Two things struck me as I looked at this young boy, who of course was most oblivious to the sins he was ostensibly supporting. First, there was a metaphor at work: before him stood an open grave, which as Scripture puts it, is the only end to the path of sin so proudly sponsored on the shirt. Secondly, he was living proof that we live in a global village and this village is proudly and shamelessly sponsoring its fornication. It is full of adultery, fornication, sodomy, and a host of other sins in such events as sexpos, gay pride marches, and Mardi Gras. This so-called village, you could say, is run on the fuel of lust – scantily dressed women sell everything from beer to a bar of soap. Moreover, this village is at our door steps. And for the one lacking wisdom and unable to discern what is right and wrong, pure and profane, holy and impure, this village of licentiousness seems so captivating. The image of the young man in Proverbs 7 who being weak-willed fell prey to the prowess of the harlot down his street and enjoyed a banquet in the grave with her is lived out in many, many lives.

The “Global Village” and Television←⤒🔗

The sad reality is, however, that the village is alive and well in many homes. Its sensual wares, promiscuity, licentious prowess, and diabolic lies have fitted themselves into the newspapers, magazines, books, TV sets, and websites that appear in our homes. Obviously this makes the battle for the purity of our children and the maturity of their faith that much more difficult. Satan knows where to go to captivate the minds of God’s children; where they’re most vulnerable, in the security of their homes. His first modus operandi was the television. Arguably the TV became his tool of choice during the 70s and to the present. It captivates millions. Already in 1976 the voice of the late Malcolm Muggeridge, the English journalist and broadcaster, could be heard saying: “The media (he was particularly speaking of TV) have indeed provided the devil with perhaps the greatest opportunity accorded him since Adam and Eve were turned out of the Garden of Eden.”¹⁰  However, since that day some thirty years ago, what is aired on television has grown in crudeness, has lowered the threshold for profanity and sexual impurity, has adopted homosexuality as near normal, adultery as a favoured past-time, and premarital sex as a healthy part of a teen life. So everyday countless followers of Christ “watch people undress, peek on people committing fornication and adultery, which our God calls an abomination. We’ve become voyeurs ... entertained by sin.”¹¹

Allow me to share one story I heard on this point recently:

Before we had Internet in the home, we had cable television. I don’t think my parents knew how much pornography was on at night, or maybe they did, but thought that I wouldn’t feed on it. Often, I would sneak down at night, maybe two or three in the morning and feast my eyes on the devil’s wares and my lust for more continued to grow. I was engrossed and addicted. Full of shame, I would crawl back to bed, only to repeat the shameful act the next night.

And to this Malcolm Muggeridge, who notably threw out his box in the early seventies, writes: “Future historians will ... marvel that we should have so meekly subjected ourselves to its destructive and often malign influence.”¹² Sadly, many are subjecting not only themselves, but their children to its profane influence without counting the cost on their souls!

The “Global Village” and the Internet←⤒🔗

But if television is not a powerful enough tool in the hands of the enemy – and again one wonders if we really understand its power – the Internet has equally unprecedented power it seems. The devil has found another way to enter the home and wreak untold havoc. The global proliferation of pornographic material in the new global village is now available for constant viewing on the Internet. This may be good news for the kingdom of Satan, but as heirs of the kingdom of light, this is a battle cry. According to one study in 2002 by the London School of Economics, nine out of ten children between the ages of eight and sixteen had viewed Internet pornography. Even if the majority was unintentional, the reality is, it is accessible to them and their consciences are opened to it.¹³To add to this, many families are broadening their bandwidth to high speed connection and access is near instantaneous. According to one study in 2005, there are some 4.2 million porn websites and attached to that some 372 million pornographic pages which is amply serving some 68 million daily pornographic search engine requests. ¹⁴This is a global pandemic and the cost is borne in the hearts of young men, boys, and sadly older men as well – both fathers and sons.

Another story:

My parents put a computer in my room. They thought it was a good idea as this would allow me to do my homework in a quiet place and if need be – because I have Internet access – to communicate with my friends. Little did they know that it became the devil’s playground and I became one of the players! I would often come home from school and surf the web and feast my eyes. I hated it, but too ashamed to tell my parents, I just kept going back for more. My heart and my mind are bursting with disgust. Images haunt me now that I am a bit older.

These parents allowed their child to run amuck in the kingdom of darkness and he became entangled. It was ignorance at its best and maybe a few years ago one might understand this short-sightedness. No longer. The battle lines are drawn; there is absolutely no excuse for your child to have that kind of access. None!

Satan knows that he doesn’t need to serve hard-core porn to our children – though sadly he is quite willing to serve them that; he knows that he can slowly break down their defences, allow sexual impurity to incubate in their young minds, periodically feed it with another pop-up on the Internet, another seductive prime-time show, another movie, another X-box game with sensually dressed “players,” another commercial, another questionable blog, and the list goes on. And he, of course, is patient. He just waits, oh so patiently, until this insatiable sin begins to rear its ugly head in their minds and the itch for more begins. The future is bleak if our youth are taking the path of the young man in Proverbs 7. Very bleak.

The Power of the Gospel←⤒🔗

In all of this Scripture does not give us reason to despair. There might be reason for lament, even great concern, but not despair. In Christ we are called not to despair but be alert, be aware! So the Spirit of Christ through Paul writes in Ephesians 6:10-11, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” And he continues, “Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

That means a few things to us who are in Christ. First it means that we do not need to run and hide in the corner of the world where there is no access, no media, just you and the vegetation. For the record, those corners do not really exist. The global village is everywhere, it seems. We, therefore, must fight, or better, “stand firm.” Second, it means as Calvin writes in his commentary on Ephesians, “If the Lord aids us by his mighty power we have no reason to shrink from the combat.”¹⁵We have been given the arms, the armour, “for repelling every kind of attack.” ¹⁶ We need to know the enemy and then fight. It is up to us to begin suiting up and strive to help our children suit up as well. We can’t leave the armour collecting dust in the closet by the front door. ¹⁷ Thirdly, we need to realize the force against us. Satan is far too crafty and has thousands of years of practice; therefore no human power can withstand him. We need to be armed with all that belongs from above – righteousness, truth, faith, the Word and the Spirit! And in that armour, as Calvin states it aptly, “there will be no danger which may not be successfully met by the power of God; nor will any who, with this assistance, fight against Satan, fail in the day of battle.” ¹⁸ We serve a risen Christ. He is the king of kings who has broken the power of the devil, of sin, and the world. Therefore in Christ we are said to be “more than conquerors through him who loves us” (Romans 8:37).

And in that strength and knowledge, we must fight. We must be engaged. The foremost work that Christ calls us to is the raising of our children, God’s children, if we are so blessed. This begins in the home. Where else are we given unlimited access to their development, maturity of the faith, and growth in knowledge, save the home? Our homes are gifts to us from God to protect and foster spiritual development in our children. Our homes must be a spiritual safe haven for the offspring of the promise. Yes, the world is at our doorsteps and the winds of perversity waft through the walls, but there is still much we can do to protect, nurture, and raise our children in this place. This is our calling: to engage this battle of perversity and fornication for our sake and for the sake of our children’s hearts and their salvation ... and we begin in the home.

The Home as a Spiritual Safe Haven←⤒🔗

The question that we need to address before signing off is this: how? How can we make our homes a spiritual bastion, an abode of love and purity and holiness? What are we doing to make sure our children are prepared for the global village into which they have been born?

King David by the grace given him addressed this question in Psalm 101:2-3. He writes, “I will walk in my house with blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile things. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.” David is contrasting his life in the public square with his life at home. There are things you can’t change in the global village – though we must let our light shine before all men – but there are things you can secure in your home. This text touches on two elements that I wish to explore. First, David, as father and king is taking the lead here. Like Joshua who stated in full confidence of grace, “but as for me and my household we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15), so too David in Psalm 101 is saying the same thing. Charles Spurgeon elucidates on this text in his commentary on the Psalms and states the following:

Piety must begin at home. Our first duties are those within our own abode. We must have a perfect heart at home, or we cannot keep a perfect way abroad. Reader, how fares it with your family? Do you sing in the choir and sin in the chamber? Are you a saint abroad and a devil at home? For shame! What we are at home, that we are indeed.¹⁹

That piety must begin with the spiritual head of the home, the father, and equally lived out by the mother.

There is another element addressed here to assist us in preparing our homes for Christ. That is this: we have to protect our eyes. So David states, “I will set no vile thing before my eyes.” That is, no evil, base, or worthless thing whatsoever will be established in my home. David is not merely commenting on his own life, no, he speaks for all who dwell in his home, or more likely, his palace. As the head of the home, he will ensure it is holy before the Lord. And so his son, Solomon, would later write, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him” (Proverbs 20:7). The result of living a blameless life before God and our children and protecting our eyes and theirs from the fornication that abounds around us is this: “Blessed are his children after him.”

In this battle for the purity and preparedness of our children we need not only to have the words of Joshua etched on some plaque in our home, we need to embody them in our life. He said “as for me and my household we will serve the Lord.” Those are bold words in a morally depraved world. But they must be ours and they must be lived for God’s glory, our children’s salvation.

Have We Done what We can?←⤒🔗

In the end, the question we as parent(s) will have to answer is this: have we done what we have been called to do for God’s children? Have we taken strides to secure our homes from the devils attack? This may mean: having passwords on the computer, keeping the computer in high traffic areas, downloading accountability software (K9, X3 Watch, Covenant Promise, etc) or software to screen websites, keeping the TV locked up and used on special occasions, or getting rid of cable, refusing certain magazines, books, in the home, even newspapers, etc. And at the heart of all of this is this question: do we really care about our children’s hearts? Are we thinking, or even better, praying for them and then passing the baton of purity and integrity to them so they can pass it on to the next? Are we willing to bar no cost or convenience to ensure that their hearts are kept pure; that is, not being fed a diet of sensuality but a diet of salvation, the enduring promises of God? That is the radical call of the gospel and it begins in the home so that we can say with Joshua of old, “as for me and my household we will serve the Lord.”

Only then will our children and grandchildren be ready to meet the barrage of arrows filled with the sin of fornication that will be shot at them, even unaware. Yes, the global village is growing in perversity, but where sin abounds Christ’s grace abounds even more. In that grace we can sing with the saints of old:

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing; were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing. And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us, we will not fear, for God has willed His truth to triumph through us.

So wrote Luther, so sing God’s children today, and may our children continue to sing this until Christ returns!