“Go´s´c w Dom, Bóg w Dom” is Polish and means “Guest in house, God in house”. “Mi Casa es su casa” is a Spanish saying which means “My house is your house”. Both these phrases invoke ideas of a culture of using homes for hospitality. What phrase are we most familiar with when it comes to our homes? Is it “My home, my castle”? As Christians is this the attitude we should have towards our homes? Should our homes be a fortress for ourselves and our family, to be used solely for our own gratification and pleasure? In a culture where it is not (or is at least no longer) the norm, how are we to go about using our homes to obey God’s command to “practise hospitality”?

Personally, I find such questions some­what overwhelming. I don’t feel that using my home for hospitality is par­ticularly my “gifting”. I was not raised in a home where hospitality was mod­elled or taught in this way. I am still very much a learner. However, Scripture does tell all believers to “practise hospitality” (Romans 12:13, Hebrews 13:2, 1 Peter 4:9). It is not only the task of the chosen few who are good and well-practised at it. So let’s deal with some excuses for not using our homes to practise hospitality¹:

• “I’m not confident”. The thought of entertaining may intimidate you, probably because you are trying to measure up to someone else’s stand­ards or style. But here we see the difference between entertaining and hospitality. Karen Mains writes in Open Heart, Open Home,² "Entertain­ing says, ‘I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever deco­rating, my gourmet cooking.’ Hospital­ity, however, seeks to minister. It says, ‘This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am His servant, and I use it as He desires. Hospitality does not try to impress but to serve.” Hospitality is not about what others think of us, but what we think of others and our desire to bring glory to God. If you’re not feeling confident to take the bull by the horns and plan a neighbourhood feast, figure out what you are good at. I like to think I make a nice cup of tea, and I usually have some biscuits in my pantry, so what is to stop me having someone over to share these blessings with me?
   
• “My home is not (insert adjective) enough”. Big? Tidy? Modern? What­ever you insert, if this is your excuse then you don’t understand what hos­pitality is. Hospitality is not about waiting to share what you hope to have, it is about sharing what you have now. Taking the example of the early believers, they “were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” (Acts 4:32). Also, have you thought of the possibility that some struggling mum walking in to your house may feel a sense of relief that you too have a few (or more than) toys strewn carefully across your lounge? Putting on airs is counterproductive. People who feel inferior are not likely to want to share their life’s struggles with you. There is much value in aiming to keep an orderly home, but perfection is not required in order for your home to be hospitable.
   
• “I don’t have time”. Simply, if we want to follow God’s command to practise hospitality we will make time to do so. Be creative. There is no prescription about the time of day, or number of courses served, or the state of your house. Work with what you’ve got.

The fact that the above excuses are familiar to many of us suggests that the problem is not with the preparation of our homes, but with the preparation of our hearts. Like all good things in the Christian faith, hospitality begins with prayer. Prayer for attitude, for strength of character, opportunity, sincerity and love. Hospitality is a natural extension of the attitude of love we are to strive for. It is a practical way to love others.

How then are we to consider our homes with regard to hospitality? Pat Ennis³ suggests our home is to be a place of refuge and a centre for evangelism. What does this mean for those to whom we are to practise hospitality: our family, our Christian brothers and sisters, and strangers to the gospel?

We begin with our family. Those who live with us know exactly what we are like and to them is our great­est witness to the work of God in our life. We are to make time for them, be thoughtful towards them, and aim to make our home a place of refuge for them – a place of rest, protection and godly counsel.

Edith Schaffer⁴ describes a family as,

a door that has hinges and a lock. The hinges should be well-oiled to swing the door open during certain times, but the lock should be firm enough to let people know that the family needs to be alone part of the time, just to be a family ... In the same way, the family to be shared can also be in a state of just being raw, scattered ingredients of a family, which need time to become the ‘bread’ which could be helpful to the hungry on needing the reality of a family to share. The kneading and moulding and mixing and blending are things which go on throughout a lifetime of putting family together, but if a certain amount of togetherness of the ingredients has not taken place, there is nothing at all to share, and the one seeking help comes to an ‘empty table.’

When it comes to hospitality wisdom is required to balance the biblical mandate to practise hospitality with the priority of meeting the needs of a family. While we don’t want our house to be a fortress, and we can trust our family is safely in God’s hands, the “wife of noble character” (Proverbs 31:10ff) looks to the needs of her de­pendants as well as extending her hands to the needy. She does this in such a way that leads her husband and children to call her blessed. Lisa Tatlock⁵ gives a helpful set of principles when it comes to practising hospitality with a family, these include:

1. Remember there are seasons in life. The way you practise hospitality may be different when you are single com­pared to when you have a young family, for example. Different, not non-existent.
    
2. Husband and wife should work to­gether to establish how the family will practice hospitality.
    
3. Include your children.
    
4. Treat your family “as good as guests”.
    
5. Use discretion as to who you have in your home and when.

Once hospitality in the context of our family situation has been established, hospitality towards others becomes a natural extension of what we are practis­ing in our homes. Our homes will hopefully then become a place of refuge and a centre for evangelism to those outside our family: our Christian brothers and sisters and our friends, wider family and acquaintances who have not accepted Christ as their Lord.

Entertainment/Hospitality⤒🔗

Considering now our Christian brothers and sisters. How are we best to prac­tise hospitality towards them? Here I think it is important to remind ourselves again of the difference between enter­taining and hospitality. Once we have been involved in a church for a while we naturally meet people with whom we have things in common, we enjoy their company, we get along with them well. It is easy to invite these people into our home, and this is good. We can give each other much encourage­ment in this setting if we are intention­al about doing so. However, we need to be careful that this is not the extent of our “hospitality” within the church. The word translated as “hospitality” in the New Testament literally means “love of strangers.”⁶ I don’t feel therefore that because we have our friends over for dinner regularly we can claim that we practise hospitality. We need to cast our net wider than those we get along with or know well in order for our home to begin to be used more fully for God’s glory within the church. Jerram Barrs⁷ points out that Jesus puts this bluntly in Luke 14:12-14:

When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbours; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crip­pled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrec­tion of the righteous.

A Place of Refuge←⤒🔗

For our home to be a place of refuge for our Christian brothers and sisters we need to assess again the attitudes of our hearts and our willingness to open our­selves to the struggles and needs of those within the body of Christ. We need to consider carefully how we can make our homes a place where those coming in feel Christ’s love and comfort through us.

Our final group of people to whom we are to practise hospitality is our friends, wider family and acquaintanc­es (which include people you may have just met!) who have not accepted Christ as their Lord. Here our home is still a place of refuge, but it is also a centre of evangelism. A Christian home is a tool that can be used powerfully by God to draw people towards Him. I say this with conviction and from experience because this is predominantly the tool God used to bring me to know Him – praise be! A young school friend of mine took her job seriously and evangelised me gently and lovingly. I would go and stay in her home and I experienced the peace and love of Christ through her, her parents and siblings. What a joy and challenge to me to have been set this example. I pray that God may use our home in this way too. I would like our home to be a place my children feel comforta­ble bringing their friends, a place where their friends are comfortable and experi­ence the love and peace of Christ that they may or may not be experiencing in their own homes.

Hospitality a Command←⤒🔗

Most of us are surrounded by non-Chris­tians. A gesture of friendship like invit­ing them around for a meal or a cup of tea while their children play with yours is in my experience usually much appreciated, particularly if they are expe­riencing a time of hardship. This is one way of living out God’s commands to “live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us” (1 Peter 2:12) and “be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversa­tion be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:5, 6). There are all sorts of things people can tell about you from your home and the way you behave in it. Hopefully the way you interact with people within your home speaks volumes to them about the love of God displayed through the work of His Son.

We are instructed by God to practise hospitality. All we have is given to us by God and is to be used for His glory. Our hearts and homes therefore need to be prepared to be used for His purposes: as places of refuge for all where his love is manifest, and as centres of evangelism where His word is freely shared. May we all be less inclined to say “my home, my castle” and more inclined to pray to our loving Father “my home, your castle”.