Read Ephesians 6:1-4.

Introduction⤒🔗

Suppose you were to come into English grammar class and your teacher were to announce, Students, today I’m going to teach you two important rules of grammar: “First, don’t never use a double negative. Second, remember that verbs always has to agree with their subjects.”

Why would a competent English teacher use such incorrect grammar, breaking the very rules he is trying to teach? In this case, the English teacher is doing it on purpose; he is making a glaring violation of the rule precisely to call attention to the rule so that his students will remember and not make the same mistake. There is a certain term for this, this violating of a grammatical rule in order to emphasize that rule, it is called a “fumble rule.”¹

A “fumble rule” may be humorous and can be a very effective means of teaching English grammar. But there is another kind of “fumble rule” that is not at all humorous and is anything but effective. It happens whenever you, as a parent, and especially you as a father, state a rule you expect your children to obey but you do not obey that rule yourself. You instruct your son or daughter to obey the rules of the road, but you yourself totally disregard the speed limit. You instruct your children not to speak disparagingly against one another, but do they hear you thoughtlessly ridicule and belittle your wife and their mother?

Never forget that the Bible teaches us that obedience is not just for children:

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ¹⁹Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deut. 11:18-19

Before the Israelite father was to teach the commandments to his children, those commandments were first to be impressed upon his own heart so as to guide and control his own life.

Bear in mind this biblical rule presented in Deuteronomy 11:18-19, as we come to Ephesians 6:1-4, a passage that addresses Christian children and Christian parents; a passage that exhorts us to honor God in our families.

Children, Honor God, by Honoring Your Parents←⤒🔗

Christian children are exhorted to obey their parents. When Christian children are living a Spirit-filled life, the characteristic of godly submission will especially display itself in the form of obedience to their parents.

We regard disobedience to parents rather lightly in contemporary society; but the Scriptures confronts us with the seriousness of this matter:

...since they refused to have God in their knowledge, God gave them up to a reprobate mind, to do those things that ought not to be done. ²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossipers, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they are disobedient to their parents; ³¹they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Rom. 1:28-31

Embedded in this list of sins is the sin of disobeying one’s parents.

But know this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ²Men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³without natural affection, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. 2 Tim. 3:1-4

Colossians 3:20 elaborates on the exhortation given in Ephesians: “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is pleasing to the Lord.” For a child, living in his parents’ home, especially in his younger years, there is no area of his life that is not subject to his parents’ God-given responsibility, supervision and authority: school work, friendships, dating relationships, T.V. and movies, choice of music, etc.

Christian children are commanded to obey their parents “in the Lord.” For children who trust in Christ as their Savior, obedience to their parents forms a major part of their devotion to their Lord Jesus Christ; they are to obey their parents out of love and obedience to the Lord Jesus. Likewise, it is the obligation of Christian parents to be sure that what they command and demand of their children is in harmony with the Lord’s commandments and not contrary to His commandments. The whole family is to be in submission to the Lord: children obeying their parents, and parents obeying the Lord.

Christian children are to obey their parents “because this is right.” The Scripture’s first and foremost concern is for righteousness, doing what is right. The primary concern is not expediency, (the endeavor to avoid punishment), nor personal gain, (the endeavor to receive a reward).

But doing of what is right does result in the reception of a blessed reward from the LORD, as is indicated in verses 2-3, “Honor your father and your mother; which is the first commandment with a promise, ³so that it may be well with you and you may live long in the land.” We must understand that the promise of “living long in the land” is an Old Testament covenantal promise, which in New Testament terms translates into living a life in fellowship with the LORD and enjoying His blessing, not necessarily a long life on the earth.

The first and foremost reason why the child is to obey his parents is “because it is right.” Obedience is pleasing to God: “The LORD is righteous; he loves righteousness; the upright shall behold his face” (Psl. 11:7). Obedience is fulfilling the purpose for which God originally made us and one reason for which He redeemed us: “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments; for this is the whole duty of man” (Eccl. 12:13).

According to the Fifth Commandment, Christian children are to honor their father and their mother: “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12).

Obedience deals with actions; honor is a matter of attitude. The child’s attitude towards his father and mother must be that of giving them honor and respect; “Cursed is the man who takes his father or mother lightly” (Deut. 27:16). To take one’s parents “lightly” means to not take them seriously; even to go so far as to scoff at them, ridicule them, or despise them and treat them with contempt. The prophet Ezekiel gives a description of Jerusalem in its state of apostasy. In the midst of the description of the city as a bloody city and one that is full of tumult, (i.e. a society characterized by violence and anarchy), there is the charge that parents have been dishonored and taken lightly, they have been treated with contempt:

The word of the LORD came to me: ²Son of man, will you judge her? Will you judge this city of bloodshed? Then confront her with all her detestable practices ³and say: O city that brings upon herself doom by shedding blood in her midst and defiles herself by making idols, ⁴you have become guilty because of the blood you have shed and have become defiled by the idols you have made. You have brought your days to a close, and the end of your years has come. Therefore, I will make you an object of scorn to the nations and a laughingstock to all the countries. ⁵Those who are near and those who are far away will mock you, O infamous city, full of turmoil. ⁶See how each of the princes of Israel that are in you uses his power to shed blood. ⁷In you they have taken their fathers and mothers lightly; in you they have oppressed the alien and mistreated the fatherless and the widow. ⁸You have despised my holy things and desecrated my Sabbaths. ⁹You are slanderous men bent on shedding blood; in you are those who eat at the mountain shrines and commit lewd acts. ¹⁰In you are those who dishonor their father’s bed; in you are those who violate women during their period when they are ceremonially unclean. ¹¹In you one man commits a detestable offense with his neighbor’s wife, another shamefully defiles his daughter-in-law, and another violates his sister, his own father’s daughter. ¹²In you men accept bribes to shed blood; you take usury and excessive interest and make unjust gain from your neighbors by extortion. And you have forgotten me, declares the Lord GOD. Ezek. 22:1-12

The incident described in 2 Kings 2:23-24 provides a warning of what happens to a nation when its youth no longer respect authority, a respect that begins in the home with obedience to the Fifth Commandment:

[Elisha] went up from [Jericho] to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, 'Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!' ²⁴So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Elisha is confronted by a gang of lawless teenagers; these are not young children, they are the equivalent of a modern-day street gang. Their mocking him reveals two things: first, they do not respect their elders, as is seen by the fact that they make fun of Elisha’s bald head, indicating that he was advanced in years; second, these youths have no respect for divine authority, as seen by the fact that they are mocking a prophet of the LORD. In consequence of their mocking behavior, Elisha pronounces a curse upon them “in the name of the LORD.” The curse is carried out by means of the attack by the two she bears that maul forty-two of these lawless youths. The point of this miraculous act of judgment is the warning that if the youth of the nation have no respect for authority, the nation has no future.

Honor and respect towards one’s parents is an attitude the son or daughter must never outgrow. In Mark 7:10-13, the Lord Jesus condemns the Pharisees for tolerating such practices in Israel that would allow a man to neglect his parents in their time of need and fail to honor them:

Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and, 'Whoever curses his father or mother, let him be put to death.' ¹¹But you say, If a man shall say to his father or his mother, That by which you might have received [financial] assistance from me is 'Corban,' (that is to say, Given [to God]), ¹²you no longer allow him to do anything for his father or his mother, ¹³[thereby] making void the word of God by your tradition, which you have handed down [from past generations]. And you do many similar things.

“Corban” was a practice that permitted a man to designate a portion of his wealth as an offering to God, and therefore not available to be given to his parents. But the practice of “Corban” still permitted the man to derive personal benefit from that wealth, up until the time it had been actually devoted to the LORD. Thus, “Corban” was a practice by which, under the guise of pious devotion to the LORD, a child could deprive his elderly parents of the resources they needed to sustain them in their old age, while he himself continued to benefit from those resources.

Christian children are to honor God by honoring their parents. The LORD in His Word promises blessing to those who obey His commandment to honor their father and their mother: “Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, ³so that it may be well with you and you may live long in the land.” As previously mentioned, during the Old Testament dispensation, long life in the Promised Land of Canaan was the great blessing of God: it meant enjoyment of the LORD’s favor and fellowship. The enjoyment of the LORD’s favor and fellowship upon the earth and especially in His heavenly presence is the New Testament form of this blessing. Contrast Proverbs 30:17 with the promise recorded in Ephesians 6:2-3, “The eye that mocks his father and despises to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pluck it out and the young vultures shall eat it.”

Parents, Honor God, by Nurturing Your Children for the Lord←⤒🔗

The Apostle Paul’s exhortation is especially directed to fathers: “fathers...raise [your children] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (vs. 4). The responsibility of raising the children for Christ cannot be delegated to the church or to the Christian school:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷And you shall teach them diligently to your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up... ²⁰In the future when your son asks you, What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you? ²¹tell him: We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. ²²Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous sights and wonders upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. ²³But he brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers. ²⁴The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. ²⁵And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness. Deut. 6:5-7,20-25

The primary responsibility rests upon the father; but we must also take into consideration the exhortation of Proverbs 1:8, “My son, listen to the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother.” The wife shares in the responsibility of nurturing the children, and also serves as an example and model for them. As the wife carries out her God-given role as presented in Ephesians 5:24, she becomes a godly model for the children: “as the church is in submission to Christ, so also wives [ought to submit] to their husbands in all things.”

In negative terms, Christian fathers are exhorted: “do not provoke your children to anger,” (or, to resentment). A father may provoke his children by confusing them with conflicting demands: issuing conflicting commandments or changing the household rules from time to time in an arbitrary, capricious manner. God’s standard is always consistent, as Jesus points out to the Jews in Matthew 5:17-18,

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. ¹⁸I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.

A father may provoke his children by frustrating them with inconsistent rewards and punishments: failing to provide the promised reward for the child’s obedience or failing to follow through with the threatened discipline for acts of disobedience. God is always faithful to His Word,

Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked: whatever a man sows, he will also reap: ⁸the man who sows to please his sinful nature, shall reap destruction from the sinful nature; but the man who sows to please the Spirit, shall reap eternal life from the Spirit. Gal. 6:7-8

A father may provoke his children by repelling them with hypocrisy. The godly father of Proverbs not only instructs his son, but also leads him in the way of righteousness: “I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in paths of uprightness” (Prov. 4:11). God is absolutely righteous, He does not require anything of us that He Himself is unwilling to do; compare Genesis 22:2 with John 3:16,

God said to Abraham, 'Now take your son, your only son, the son whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah. Offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I will tell you.' Gen. 22:2

...God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. Jn. 3:16

For Christian parents, being less than perfect, there will be the need to apologize and ask forgiveness of our children when we have wronged them or have not set the right example for them.

In positive terms, Christian fathers are instructed to nurture their children. To nurture means to cultivate life to maturity. By way of illustration, one nurtures a little seedling into a mature, fruit-producing plant. There is the need to always have this God-given task clearly in view: Parents may not foolishly ignore their child’s growth and development, always treating their son or daughter like a little child even when he or she has become a youth and then a young man or young woman. Parents may not selfishly stifle their child’s growth and development, always viewing their son or daughter as “my little boy or girl,” and wishing to ever keep them in that state when they are supposed to be nurtured by the parent into a godly man or woman.

What is God’s goal for His children in Christ? It is stated in Ephesians 4:15, “by practicing the truth in love, with regard to all things let us grow up in him, the one who is the head, that is, Christ.” God’s purpose is that we grow into the full maturity of our Lord Jesus Christ; this likewise must be the goal of Christian parents for their children.

Christian fathers are to nurture their children by means of “discipline” and “instruction.” The Greek term, παιδεια, translated as "discipline" in Ephesians 6:4, has the meaning of training through the use of discipline. The LORD employs discipline in the process of producing spiritual growth and maturity in His children: “My son, do not take lightly the LORD’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you” (Heb. 12:5). The LORD’s use of discipline is an indication and testimony of His love for His children: “the LORD disciplines those he loves, and scourges every son whom he receives” (Heb. 12:6). The LORD administers this training for our benefit, so that we may become partakers of His holiness: “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in his holiness” (Heb. 12:10).

The other Greek term (νουθεσια), translated, “instruction,” has the meaning of “counsel, warning, or guidance.” We find such instruction, or counsel, given to the young man in Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1,

⁹Rejoice, young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. ¹⁰Therefore, remove sorrow from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh, for childhood and youth are meaningless. ^12:1Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near when you say, 'I have no pleasure in them.'

The young man is encouraged to enjoy his youth, to pursue his ambitions and desires, (vs. 9a), but he should temper his pursuits with the knowledge that he will eventually face God on the Day of Judgment (vs. 9b). The best course for the young man is not to allow his apprehension of the Day of Judgment to deprive him of the enjoyment of life, but at the same time to abstain from the type of conduct that will bring condemnation on that day (vs. 10). Since youth and vigor are fleeting, (“meaningless” is used here in the sense of ephemeral) (vs. 10c), the young man should remember his Creator early in life, before his faculties begin to fail and he has become weary of life (12:1). To “remember our Creator” means to consciously live in the light of the fact that our life is derived from Him, revolves around Him, and is accountable to Him; it means to live a God-centered life, as opposed to a secular and self-centered life.

Christian fathers are instructed to nurture their children for the LORD. As Christian parents, our interest is not in teaching our children how to be “good little boys and girls.” That is to say, our main objective is not to produce well-behaved, well-mannered children, so that they will get along well in society and make their parents proud of them and so that they will not cause disgrace to the family name. As Christian parents we must be interested in pointing our children to Christ, leading them to Christ, and seeing them receive Christ as their Savior and then proceed to lead lives that are devoted to Christ. In other words, our training is not mere moralism for personal and earthly benefit; on the contrary, our training must have the aim of Christ-centered godliness for the eternal welfare of our children and for the glory of God.

Christian parents, with the father taking the lead, are to honor God, by nurturing their children for the Lord.

Conclusion←⤒🔗

Are you honoring God in your family? Christian children, are you honoring God by obeying your parents? Christian parents, are you honoring God by nurturing your children for the Lord?

Discussion Questions←⤒🔗

1. Christian children, as a testimony to their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, your parents submitted to baptism, and they also presented you for baptism (cf. Acts 16:30-31, 33). Now that you are becoming spiritually aware, in whom must you place your faith? Should you put your trust in baptism; your parents didn’t. Should you put your trust in your parents; they put their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. In whom must you now put your trust?

And [the jailor] brought them out and said, 'Sirs, what must I do to be saved?' ³¹So they said, 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.' ...³³And he took [Paul and Silas] the same hour of the night and washed their wounds. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. Acts 16:30-31, 33

2. What commandment is given to Christian children (cf. Eph. 6:1a); what reason is given for them to obey it (cf. Eph. 6:1b)? Note Eccl. 12:13. Obedience to God our Creator is the primary obligation we owe Him, but because He is a righteous, covenant-keeping God, what can we expect if we comply with His demand? See Eph. 6:2-3; note, also, 1 Sam. 2:30b,

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. Eph. 6:1

This is the end of the matter; all hath been heard: Fear God, and keep his commandments; for this is the whole duty of man. Eccl. 12:13

Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, ³so that it may be well with you and you may live long in the land. Eph. 6:2-3

Long life lived in the Promised Land of Canaan was the O.T. covenant blessing, it was foretelling the eschatological blessing of eternal life in the kingdom of God, enjoying His fellowship and blessing.

...the LORD says, '...those that honor me, I will honor; but those that despise me, shall be lightly esteemed.' 1 Sam. 2:30b

3. What are Christian fathers warned not to do (cf. Eph. 6:4a)? Might we provoke our children by issuing conflicting demands and constantly changing the rules; does God our heavenly Father do that? Note Matt. 5:17-1. Might we provoke our children by repelling them with hypocrisy; does God ever require us to be something that He is not? Note 1 Pet. 1:15-16. When we have failed our children, do we humbly ask for their forgiveness?

And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; on the contrary, nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph. 6:4

The Lord Jesus testifies:

Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. ¹⁸For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Matt. 5:17-18

But just as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, ¹⁶because it is written, 'Be holy, because I am holy.' 1 Pet 1:15-16

4. As Christian fathers, what are we instructed to do (cf. Eph. 6:4b)? Why is it necessary for discipline to accompany instruction? In contrast to the world’s wishful view of man’s basic nature, what does the Word of God tell us is the truth about our basic nature? See Prov. 22:15; note Psl. 51:5 and Matt. 15:19. What does the Word say about the proper use of discipline? See Prov. 13:24. What does the Word say about the withholding of discipline? See Prov. 29:15,

And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; on the contrary, nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph. 6:4

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Prov. 22:15

The Hebrew word translated “foolishness” means not merely behavior that is stupid and ignorantly dangerous, but rather an attitude that is impious, irreverent, rebellious and resistant to authority.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me. Psl. 51:5

For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. Matt. 15:19

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Prov. 13:24

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Prov. 29:15

5. Christian fathers, is the aim of our training mere moralism for personal and earthly benefit; or, is the aim Christ-centered godliness for the eternal welfare of our children and for the glory of God? What will assist us unto that end? See Matt. 19:13-14. Do you bring your children to Christ in prayer? Note 2 Tim. 3:15. Do you present the gospel to your children; do you encourage them to put their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ for their salvation? Note Prov. 4:11. Are you providing a godly example for your children?

Then little children were brought to him so that he might lay his hands upon them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.' Matt. 19:13-14

The Apostle Paul reminds young Timothy,

from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith that is in Christ Jesus.2 Tim. 3:15

I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of uprightness. Prow. 4:11