Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-17; 25-40.

Introduction⤒🔗

“Should Married Women Date?” That was the headline over one of Ann Lander’s newspaper columns. The column itself featured responses from her readers to this question.

A reader from Louisiana wrote: “I am an adult who is free to have lunch with any friend I choose, regardless of age, sex, race, creed or marital status.”

A reader from Maine wrote: “A genuinely loving relationship is one in which both parties have full freedom and independence; no questions asked. To deny one’s partner access to love, in any of its myriad forms, is to deny that individual personhood.”

Then there was the reader from Louisville who wrote: “I have a simple solution for the woman whose husband resents her dating a guy she met in class. She should find a nice girl, nine years his junior, for him to date.”

Our contemporary society is very disoriented and confused: in some cases married people are “dating” other persons as though they were still single, and in some cases single people are living together as though they were married.

So much of contemporary society is influenced by the philosophy of self-orientation and self-fulfillment, with little regard for moral purity and the sanctity of marriage. But our calling as Christians is to be Christ-centered and to have a very high regard for moral purity and the sanctity of marriage. In order to live productive and holy Christian lives, we must be careful to heed the biblical guidelines concerning marriage and the single state.

The Biblical Counsel to the Married: Fulfill Your Marriage Vows←⤒🔗

As a safeguard against fornication, the apostle exhorts, “let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (vs. 2). Note: Throughout this passage of 1 Corinthians 7 the Apostle Paul is emphasizing the sexual aspect of marriage, but in the light of Ephesians 5:22-33, we must understand that he is not depreciating marriage to merely an acceptable outlet for sexual release and fulfillment:

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, ²³because the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, he being the savior of the body. ²⁴But as the church is in submission to Christ, so also wives ought to submit to their husbands in all things. ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in glory, without blemish or wrinkle or any [other] such thing, but being holy and blameless. ²⁸Likewise, husbands ought to love their own wives as [they love] their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹No one ever hated his own flesh; rather, he nourishes and cares for it, just as Christ [cares for] the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ^31'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' ³²This is a profound mystery, now I am speaking about Christ and the church. ³³Nevertheless, let each one of you love his own wife just as [he loves] himself; and let the wife respect her husband. Eph. 5:22-33

According to verse three, within the marriage bond, each partner is responsible to fulfill his or her obligations to their spouse. The obligation the apostle emphasizes here is primarily the sexual obligation: each partner must seek to meet the other’s sexual needs, so as to avoid causing their spouse to become especially susceptible to the temptation of committing fornication. Note: The view expressed in verse one, “It is good for a man not to marry,” is literally, ”It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” This may have been a view held by some of the Corinthian Christians who were wrongly applying it to marriage; consequently, those who were married were now practicing their own form of asceticism. They were abstaining from sexual relations with their own spouses to devote themselves more fully to the Lord, but by so doing they were causing themselves and their spouses to be especially vulnerable to sexual temptations. The apostle is correcting this misconception and dangerous form of “spirituality.”

Just as verse three speaks of a mutual obligation each spouse has to the other, so verse four speaks of a mutual submission each spouse must exhibit towards the other: “The wife’s body does not belong to herself [alone], but also to her husband; and likewise, the husband’s body does not belong to himself [alone], but also to his wife.” Within marriage, each spouse relinquishes the exclusive rights of his or her body to the other in a mutual self-giving love. The principle state in Ephesians 5:24-25 is here specifically applied to the sexual relationship: “as the church is in submission to Christ, so also wives ought to submit to their husbands in all things. ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Based upon his teaching in verses 3-4, the Apostle Paul gives the command: “Do not deprive each other [of sexual relations]” (vs. 5). However, a limited form of sexual abstinence is permissible under strict guidelines: There must be mutual consent by both partners. This abstinence must be only “for a short time,” (i.e. a brief and specified period of time, as opposed to a lengthy and undetermined period of time). This period of abstinence is to be for the specific purpose of giving one’s self to prayer: perhaps there is a specific need for prayer, maybe an important family decision to be made, or a special burden the family is encountering, so the couple decides to spend a period of time devoted to prayer with regard to this matter. Such abstinence becomes a type of fasting for a limited period of time, allowing the couple to give themselves whole-heartedly to the ministry of prayer. Following the conclusion of the specified time of abstinence, the couple must come together again and resume normal sexual relations so as not to be tempted to commit adultery.

Referring to this counsel, Paul makes clear in verse six that it is given only as a concession, or suggestion, and not as a commandment. The counsel given in verse five is not mandatory, it is merely offered as godly guidance. As verse seven indicates, it is precisely because abstinence is a gift of God, (as is also marriage), a gift given to some but not to all, that Paul’s counsel in verse 5b is only submitted as guidance or suggestion and not presented as a commandment that all Christians must obey.

In verses 10-11 the Apostle Paul gives biblical counsel to those married couples who find themselves contemplating separation or divorce. The Greek word, γαµεω, “to be married,” occurs in the perfect tense, which signifies a continuing or permanent condition and which might literally be translated, “those who are in the married state.” What is being emphasized here is the binding nature of the marriage relationship, as first ordained by God: “a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be bound to his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

Paul indicates that the instruction he is about to give is from the Lord. That is to say, he is here repeating what the Lord Jesus taught during the time of His earthly ministry and what is recorded in the Gospels, note Mark 10:6-9,

But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female; ⁷for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, ⁸and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. ⁹Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.

The counsel is that a wife should not leave her husband, but if she is forced to leave she is to remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband (vs. 10b-11a), and the husband must not divorce his wife (vs. 11b). Note: Scripture is not condoning what is often termed “legal separation,” a situation in which the husband and wife are separated from one another but not divorced. If a couple were permitted to separate, they would not be able to fulfill their obligations to one another, as specified in 1 Corinthians 7:3. Not to fulfill one’s covenantal vows is tantamount to breaking them. By way of illustration: If you owed car payments to one auto dealer you could not justify non-payment of your debt by assuring him that you were not giving the money owed him to some other auto dealer in town. He to whom you owed the money would remind you of the fact that you owed the money to him and he has every right to receive it.

Verse 11a (“if she is forced to leave”), is dealing with a situation in which the wife is forcibly put away by her husband. In the event of such a case, the wife should not assume that her husband’s action in itself has the authority to nullify the marriage and thereby make her free to enter into a new marriage, (note again Mark 10:6-9, referred to earlier). If the wife is able to be content in her “unmarried” state, she should recognize that in this state she is more useful to Christ and can devote herself whole-heartedly in ministry to Him and for Him (note verses 32-35).

In light of verses 3-4, (which speak about the mutual obligations each spouse has to the other), the wife would certainly have the right to bring her case before the church to seek aid in reconciling with her husband or else disciplinary action against him for his refusal to keep his covenantal vows and his failure to fulfill his marital duties to his wife (cf. Matt. 18:15-17). If there be no repentance on his part, it seems that she would be released from the marital relationship, especially in light of 1 Timothy 5:8, “If anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

In verses 12-16 Paul supplies biblical counsel for those who find themselves married to an unbeliever. Note: Within the Corinthian church there would have been mixed marriages, (a believer married to an unbeliever), which would have resulted from one spouse having become a Christian while the other remained an unbeliever. As verse thirty-nine makes clear, it is not permissible for a Christian to marry an unbeliever: “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she desires, [but] only in the Lord.”

In the case where the unbelieving spouse is content to dwell with the Christian, the biblical counsel is for them to remain together. The church must not counsel the believer to leave the unbelieving partner (vs. 12-13). The Corinthian church may have been misapplying Paul’s earlier counsel referred to in 1 Corinthians 5:9-11,

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with fornicators. ¹⁰[I was] not referring to the people of this world who are fornicators, or who are greedy, or swindlers, or idolaters. [If that were the case], you would have to leave the world. ¹¹But what I meant when I wrote to you is that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a [Christian] brother, but is a fornicator, or who is a greedy man, or an idolater, or a slanderer, or a drunkard, or a swindler. With such a person, [you ought] not to have fellowship.

Paul provides the reason and the assurance as to why it is permissible for a Christian to remain in a marital relationship with an unbeliever: the unbelieving spouse has been sanctified by the believing spouse (vs. 14). This does not mean that the unbelieving spouse has been saved by virtue of the Christian spouse’s faith, note verse sixteen, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”

It means that within the marital relationship the spiritual and moral defilement of the unbelieving spouse before God has been nullified by virtue of the believing spouse’s relationship to Christ. The principle expressed by our Lord in Matthew 23:17-19 (printed below), namely, that something or someone is sanctified by coming into contact with that which is holy, seems to be operative here in the case of the kind of mixed marriage found within the Corinthian church. In that passage of Matthew's gospel, our Lord challenged the religious leaders with the question,

You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that has sanctified the gold? ¹⁸You also say, If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath. ¹⁹You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that sanctifies the gift? Matt. 23:17-19

Thus, the believing spouse need not fear that he (or she) or their children are spiritually defiled by their relationship with an unconverted spouse. On the contrary, by virtue of his (or her) faith in Christ and the sanctifying power of that relationship with Christ, the children are “holy;” (i.e. they are sanctified, set apart for the LORD, included within His covenant). But in the case where the unbelieving spouse desires to leave the marriage, (by means of divorce or desertion), the Christian is to allow him (or her) to do so and is under no further marital obligation to their former spouse (vs. 15).

Note: The significance of Paul’s remark, “I, not the Lord, [give these instructions],” stands in contrast to his previous statement made in verses 10-11. In verses 10-11 Paul was conveying to the church the very teaching that the Lord Jesus Himself delivered during His earthly ministry and that is recorded in the Gospels. In verses 12-16 Paul is presenting his counsel; but he is speaking in his capacity as an inspired apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ. Note verse 40b, where he facetiously declares, “and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.” As an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, it is very evident that he, indeed, does have the Spirit of God, he is speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Paul is being somewhat sarcastic and self-deprecating; he knows that as an apostle of the Lord Jesus he has the Holy Spirit and his utterances are inspired by Him, as he will maintain in 2 Corinthians: “we speak by Christ” (2 Cor. 12:19) and “Christ speaks by me” (2 Cor. 13:3).

To sum up, the biblical counsel to those who are married is basically this: they are to faithfully fulfill their marital vows.

The Biblical Counsel to the Unmarried: Remain Single for the Lord, If Possible←⤒🔗

Paul’s inspired counsel to those who are single or widowed is as follows: it is a good thing if they can remain in their unmarried state: “[My counsel] to the unmarried and widows is that it is good for them to remain as I am, [single]” (vs. 8).

The reason why the single state is good and preferable is given in verses 32-35. The one who is unmarried is able to devote himself or herself whole-heartedly to the Lord without distraction or “conflicting” obligations. The one who is married must be concerned to fulfill his or her obligations to their spouse. Again, the apostle makes clear that it is not a commandment that the single and the widowed remain unmarried; he is merely advising what is preferable, if possible.

Paul recognizes that some of those who find themselves in the unmarried state may discover that state to be intolerable for them. If such is the case, they are not only free, but are even urged, to marry: “if they are unable to exercise self-control, let them marry; for it is better for them to marry than to burn [with sexual desire]” (vs. 9). It is better to marry than to be highly vulnerable to sexual temptations. But the commandment is, let them marry “only in the Lord” (vs. 39). That is to say, let them only marry someone who is a fellow believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, note 2 Corinthians 6:14­-16a,

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers; for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ¹⁵What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? ¹⁶What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? for we are the temple of the living God.

Verse thirty-seven offers some biblical guidelines by which a Christian can examine himself to determine whether or not he or she has the gift of celibacy, the gift of remaining single. The person must be absolutely convinced “in his own heart” that he or she is able to live a single, celibate life. He or she has come to this decision on their own, they are not being pressured by someone else to make the choice of remaining single. Their decision is confirmed by the fact that they do not feel “a necessity [to get married]” and they have their “[sexual] desire under control.” They are convinced that the urge to fulfill sexual desires and/or the need for marital companionship is under control and for them is not an excessive need that must be met.

Throughout this passage Paul emphasizes that celibacy, like marriage, is a gift of God, and only those who possess the gift are able to live the single life. If a Christian does not possess the gift of celibacy, he or she is free, and even urged, to seek Christian marriage.

To sum up, the biblical counsel to the unmarried is basically this: remain single for the Lord’s sake, if possible, but only if possible.

Conclusion←⤒🔗

Contemporary society is very much self-oriented, showing little regard for either moral purity or the sanctity of marriage. But our Christian calling is to be Christ-centered, and in so doing, to have a very high regard for both moral purity and the sanctity of marriage. In order to live both a holy and productive Christian life, let us be careful to heed the biblical guidelines concerning marriage and the single state as they are stated by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1-17, 25-40.

Discussion Questions←⤒🔗

1. Speaking of Christians, why does the Apostle Paul say, “it is good for a man not to marry”? Under what unique circumstances does this counsel especially apply? See 1 Cor. 7:26, 28b, 32-33. In times of persecution, might the persecutors tempt a man to forsake his allegiance to Christ in exchange for the safety of his wife and children? Are single men better able to go to remote regions for Christ than men with families?

²⁶I think that, because of the impending distress, it is good for a man to remain as he is... ^28b...[those who marry] will experience a greater degree of tribulation, and I desire to spare you [from this]... ³²Now I want you to be free from care. The unmarried man cares about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. ³³But the married man must be concerned about the things of the world, how he can please his wife... 1 Cor. 7:26, 28b, 32-33

2. But since marriage is the normal state God has ordained for man (cf. Gen. 2:18, 22-24), what qualifications are required for a Christian man to remain single? See 1 Cor. 7:36-37,

¹⁸And the LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him... ²²Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. ²³Then the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ²⁴For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be bound to his wife; and they shall be one flesh. Gen. 2:18, 22-24

If anyone thinks he is not behaving properly towards the virgin [to whom he is engaged], if he has an uncontrollable passion for her and so wants to be married, let him do what he desires, let them marry; he is not sinning. ³⁷But he who is firmly resolved in his own heart not to marry the virgin [to whom he is engaged], not [feeling] a necessity [to get married], and having his [sexual] desire under control, and having determined this in his own heart, he is doing a good thing.1 Cor. 7:36-37

3. What reason does Paul give for encouraging a man to get married? See 1 Cor. 7:2. Does Paul view marriage as nothing more than the legitimate context for the expression of the sexual desire, or is he here focusing on only one aspect of marriage? Note Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:25,

...since there is so much immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 1 Cor. 7:2

And the LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him. Gen. 2:18

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her... Eph. 5:25

4. What mutual obligation to their spouse does Paul discuss in this passage? See 1 Cor. 7:3-5a. As a husband, do you seek to lovingly satisfy your wife’s desires, or do you only fulfill your own desires? Note 1 Pet. 3:7. What other covenantal obligation does the husband have to his wife and children? See 1 Tim. 5:8 What obligation does the wife have to her husband and children? Note Prov.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife [should fulfill her duty] to her husband. ⁴The wife’s body does not belong to herself [alone], but also to her husband; and likewise, the husband’s body does not belong to himself [alone], but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other [of sexual relations] except by mutual consent for the purpose of devoting yourselves to prayer, [and only] for a short time. 1 Cor. 7:3-5a

Likewise, may the husbands live with [their wives] in an understanding way: showing respect to the wife as a weaker partner and as a co-heir of the grace of life. [Conduct yourselves in this way] so that your prayers are not hindered. 1 Pet. 3:7

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Tim. 5:8

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Prov. 14:1

The wise woman makes her home and family her first priority, ahead of all her other legitimate pursuits.

5. What does the LORD say about divorce? See Mal. 2:15b-16a. According to Matthew 19:9, when is divorce legitimate? What is another legitimate reason for divorce? See 1 Cor. 7:15-16. As an unmarried man or woman, are you resolved to enter into marriage only with a fellow Christian (cf. 2 Cor. 6:14-15)? As a Christian parent, do you caution your children to only marry a fellow believer; do you pray that the Lord will provide them with a committed Christian spouse?

...take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth; ¹⁶for I hate divorce, declares the LORD, the God of Israel... Mal. 2:15-16

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery... Matt. 19:9

But if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let him leave; the [believing] brother or sister is not bound under such circumstances, [for] God has called us [to live] in peace. ¹⁶How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 Cor. 7:15-16

Here is a case in which one spouse had been converted to Christ, while the other remained in their unconverted state, creating a “mixed” marriage in which a believer found himself/herself married to an unbeliever.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship do righteousness and iniquity have with each other? Or what communion does light have with darkness? ¹⁵And what harmony does Christ have with Belial [the devil]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2 Cor. 6:14-15