18.1 Key themes⤒🔗

• An overseer must be a good leader of his household. (This is the twelfth qualification in 1 Timothy 3:1-7.)
• The household of an overseer is important because the church itself is a household: God’s household.
• To be a good leader of his household, a man must
  - lead his family with all the qualifications that we have studied so far;
  - lead his wife with the love and self-sacrifice of Christ; and
  - lead his children with the discipline and instruction of Christ.
• If the leaders of the church are good leaders of their households, the church will be strengthened in three ways:
  - Other men will have an example to follow.
  - The church will have a strong witness.
  - The church will become filled with strong women and children.

18.2 – 1 Timothy 3:4-7←⤒🔗

^4. He must manage his own household well and keep his children in control without losing his dignity.

^5. But if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God? 

^6. He must not be a recent convert or he may become arrogant and fall into the punishment that the devil will exact.

^7. And he must be well thought of by those outside the faith, so that he may not fall into disgrace and be caught by the devil’s trap.

© NET Bible

18.3 Titus 1:5-7a (ESV)←⤒🔗

^5. This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you –

^6. if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery  or insubordination.

^7. For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach…

© NET Bible

18.4 The church, God’s household←⤒🔗

We have come to the last three qualifications in 1 Timothy 3:1-7. These three qualifications look a bit different from all the previous ones. Paul uses more words to describe them. He also gives a reason for each of them.

In this lesson we are looking at the qualification in verse 4: “He must manage his own household well and keep his children in control without losing his dignity.” The reason for this qualification is given in verse 5: “If someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for the church of God?”

From these verses we see that the household (home and family) of an overseer is very important. When the church wants to choose an overseer, they should not look at the man only. They should also look at his wife and children, and at his relationship with them.

Why is the household of an overseer so important? Because the church itself is a household! The church is God’s household (1 Timothy 3:15). Only a man who is able to take care of his own household can be trusted with God’s household.

Remember this if you are an elder. Your first responsibility is not the church. Your first responsibility is your own household. Do not spend so much time leading the church that you do not lead your own family! Spend much time at home. Manage your own family well. Then only will you be able to manage God’s family.

18.5 What it means to manage a household well←⤒🔗

God calls men to be the leaders of their homes. This is clear from many places in the Bible. It is also clear from the words in 1 Timothy 3:4: “He must manage his own household well.” The word “manage” here means “to lead” or “to rule.”

But 1 Timothy 3:4 does not say only that an overseer must manage his household. It says that an overseer must manage his household well. In other words, he must not only be a leader¾he must be a good leader.

What makes a man a good leader? To answer this question, we can think of all the qualifications that we have studied so far. For example, think of the qualifications “temperate,” “self-controlled,” “not a drunkard,” “not violent, but gentle,” “not contentious,” “a lover of good”…

All these things make a man a good leader–not only in the church, but also in his own home. If a man is not these things in his own home, he cannot be a leader in God’s church.

The Bible also gives specific commands for a man’s leadership at home. Look at these two commands from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians:

• Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.”
• Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

According to these verses, a man should lead his wife with the love and self-sacrifice of Christ. He should lead his children with the discipline and instruction of Christ. He should do this because he knows that his family does not belong to him. They belong to Christ! He is called to be a servant of Christ in their lives.

18.6 When an overseer leads his own household well←⤒🔗

Sadly, most households in this world are not led by men who serve Christ. In many households the fathers are violent, lazy, unloving, lovers of money, or never around.

But what will happen if the leaders of God’s church are good leaders of their households, then the church of God will be strengthened in three ways:

1. Other men will have an example to follow.←↰⤒🔗

You will remember that an overseer must be someone who shows hospitality (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8). This means that he must welcome people into his own life and home. His home must be part of his ministry.

Now, imagine that a young Christian couple visits an overseer’s home. They eat with him and his family. They hear how the overseer, his wife, and his children talk together. They hear how the family prays and sings. Afterwards, the young Christian man thinks to himself, “I want my family to be like this family!”

This is what should happen in every church. God calls overseers to lead the church through their own example (see 1 Timothy 4:12; Titus 2:7; 1 Peter 5:3). If an overseer is a good leader of his household, he can help other men in the church to become good leaders of their households. The church will become strong as the families of the church become strong.

2. The church will have a strong witness.←↰⤒🔗

In the world around us, there is much confusion about leadership. There is also much confusion about what it means to be a man. The world has always been confused about these things! (If you do not believe this, just look at Mark 10:42-43; Colossians 3:19; and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5.)

In such a world, Christian men (and especially overseers) must let the light of the gospel shine. Even unbelievers should come into an overseer’s home and say, “I want my family to be like this family!”

3. The church will become filled with strong women and children.←↰⤒🔗

What happens when a husband leads his wife with the love of Christ? Normally, that wife becomes a stronger follower of Christ. And what happens when a father disciplines and instructs his children in the ways of Christ? Normally, those children become strong followers of Christ.

A woman who is strong in the faith can help other women to become strong too (Titus 2:3-5). And children who are strong in the faith can help the other children in the church (Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 27:17). Do you see? By helping his own wife and children, an overseer is helping the women and children of the church!

In the next lesson, we will look more closely at the children of an overseer. We will look at the second part of 1 Timothy 3:4: “Keep his children in control without losing his dignity.” We will also look at the second part of Titus 1:6: “His children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination” (ESV).