Read Genesis 24:1-67.

Introduction⤒🔗

Sue Ellen was a vivacious senior in high school who had just recently found the LORD. Although I was a non-Christian at the time, I was attracted to her and to the quality of life she exhibited. She invited me to some Christian youth meetings, she shared the gospel with me, and eventually I received the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior.

I began to grow in the LORD, but Sue Ellen began to slip in her relationship with God. She had broken up with the Christian guy she had been dating for years and had begun to date a young non-Christian lawyer. Just out of high school, Sue Ellen was swept off her feet and married the guy within three months. All the while she was growing colder and harder towards spiritual things.

The marriage was rocky, and less than a year later they were divorced. By this time, Sue Ellen was hardened by the world and utterly cold and callous toward the LORD. Several months later, a friend and I went over to her apartment to speak with her about her relationship to Christ. She actually asked us to leave and to stop talking to her about Jesus. She didn’t want to hear anything about the things of God.

It is now some six years later, and as far as I know, Sue Ellen is still apathetic and cold towards Christ and His Word.

This Christian youth worker goes on to write:

Sue Ellen’s experience is only one of many, many examples I have seen when dating a non-Christian ruined the spiritual life of a person. I’ve worked with high school students for seven years and have seen that dating a non-Christian is one of the major reasons for losing interest in spiritual things.¹

Like Abraham, we, too, must be concerned that our sons and daughters choose spouses who belong to “the household of faith,” rather than from the unbelieving world at large. If we are to be true to the LORD’s covenant, we must urge our sons and daughters to be discriminating in their choice of a spouse and follow the guidelines of Scripture.

When Choosing a Spouse, Seek a Fellow Christian←⤒🔗

Abraham is at an advanced age when we meet him in Genesis 24, he knows that the time of his departure is at hand, and he knows he has one thing left to do: provide for Isaac a godly wife. So it is that he calls to him his most trusted household servant, and makes him swear that he will seek the right kind of spouse for Isaac.

Abraham stipulates that she must not be “from the daughters of the Canaanites;” rather, the servant must go to Abraham’s own relatives and seek a wife for Isaac. Abraham knew that among his relatives there was a knowledge of the LORD and there would be found a wife that would share a common Christian faith with Isaac. This becomes evident from Laban's testimony:

³¹Laban said to him, Come to my house, you who are blessed by the LORD. Why do you remain outside? I have prepared my house for you, and have made provision for your camels. vs. 31

⁵⁰Then Laban and Bethuel answered, This matter comes from the LORD. We can say nothing to you either one way or the other. vs. 50

We must appreciate the spiritual perspective that regulated Abraham’s life and induced him to take such action on behalf of his son. There would have been a great temptation for Abraham to have his son, Isaac, wedded to one of the daughters of the Canaanites. Abraham, as a wealthy man, could have selected a very choice spouse for Isaac, and in so doing, he would have created an alliance with any one of the leading families of Canaan. He would thereby have gained a possession in the land of Canaan and secured a place in the land for Isaac, not to mention guaranteeing Isaac a continued and increased source of wealth.

But Abraham’s spiritual perspective enabled him to look beyond the immediate and the temporal to that which is transcendent and divine. The LORD has promised to give Abraham’s descendants the land, as Abraham explains to his servant upon sending him out on this mission of procuring a believing wife for Isaac:

⁷The LORD, the God of heaven—who took me from my father’s household and from my native land, who spoke to me and who made an oath to me, saying, To your offspring I will give this land—he will send his angel before you, and you shall get a wife for my son from there.Gen. 24:7

Furthermore, Abraham was aware of the fact that the LORD was determined to judge and expel the present inhabitants of the land. He had revealed to Abraham, “in the fourth generation your descendants shall come back to Canaan; because the iniquity of the Amorite has not yet reached its full measure” (Gen. 15:16), indicating the LORD’s purpose to judge and expel the present inhabitants of the land when their iniquity had become full.

It was Abraham’s spiritual perspective that enabled him to resolutely take the course he did, binding his servant by an oath and demanding that he only seek a wife for Isaac from among their own relatives.

The first biblical guideline when choosing a spouse: Seek a fellow Christian. Bear in mind the Apostle Paul’s counsel to the Corinthians, “A wife [or a Christian husband] is bound to her husband [or to his wife] for as long as he lives. But if the husband [or wife] dies, she is free to marry whomever she desires, but only in the Lord [i.e. only a fellow believer]” (1 Cor. 7:39).

As a young Christian man or woman, take seriously the commandment of the LORD your God:

¹⁴Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship do righteousness and iniquity have with each other? Or what communion does light have with darkness? ¹⁵And what harmony does Christ have with Belial [the devil]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2 Cor. 6:14-15

³³Do not be deceived; bad company corrupts good morals. 1 Cor. 15:33

¹Now King Solomon loved many foreign women ²from the nations concerning which the LORD had told the children of Israel, You shall not associate with them, neither shall they associate with you; for they will surely turn your heart away to their gods. Solomon held on to them with love. ³...and his wives turned his heart away from the LORD. ⁴...his wives turned his heart away to other gods; thus his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father... ⁹And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel. 1 Kgs. 11:1-4, 9

²⁷Must we hear now that you, too, are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?Neh. 13:27

Let your parents’ biblical counsel sink in and govern your thinking and decision-making, even though it is difficult and you may have a strong tendency to resist it; note Proverbs 19:27, “My son, stop listening to instruction; but if you do so, you will stray from the words of knowledge.” The godly father of Proverbs facetiously instructs his son to yield to his natural desire to reject his father’s counsel, but he informs him that if he does so he will depart from the way of godliness, which is the way of life.

As a Christian young man or woman, you must avoid becoming involved in dating relationships with unbelievers. Remember and take to heart the testimony of that Christian youth worker:

There is a very predictable process of spiritual decline that I have seen occur time after time when a Christian begins to date a non-Christian.

Satan will bring a really attractive person into your life... Girls, perhaps it will be that football player who is so popular. Guys, maybe it will be some cute cheerleader... Whatever the case, this person will seem perfect in every way except that he or she is cold toward spiritual things.

Instead of resisting the temptation, you begin to rationalize by thinking, “Just this once.” “Well, it’s better than sitting at home.” “He is a nice guy.” “Maybe I can witness to him.”

You start spending time with this person. You may greatly enjoy the relationship, but it is not on a spiritual plane. Often you find yourself getting involved in a deep physical relationship very quickly.

It is amazing how often this happens.

You must make a choice, either consciously or unconsciously, between God and that person. If you choose God, you will be hurt emotionally because you must break off the relationship. But if you choose the other person, then you will be hurt spiritually because you are putting another person before God.

If you choose another person before God, then it will lead to a rapid spiritual decline. Your heart will become hard and cold toward spiritual things.²

As a Christian parent, let your son or daughter see in your life an example of a true spiritual perspective and priority in practice. Offer your son or daughter wise biblical counsel, reminding them of the commandments of the LORD as revealed in Scripture. Also reminding them that “exceptions to the rule” are just that, they are exceptions that are out of the ordinary, not guaranteed experiences. Bear in mind the testimony of that youth director: “Sue Ellen’s experience is only one of many, many examples I have seen when dating a non-Christian ruined the spiritual life of a person.”

When Choosing a Spouse, Seek the LORD’s Blessing←⤒🔗

When Abraham’s servant is entrusted with this most important task, the servant looks to the LORD for grace and favor: “And he said, O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, I beg you, please give me success today and show kindness to my master Abraham” (vs. 12).

Abraham had earlier expressed confidence that the LORD would give His provision concerning the right spouse for Isaac:

⁷The LORD, the God of heaven—who took me from my father’s household and from my native land, who spoke to me and who made an oath to me, saying, To your offspring I will give this land—he will send his angel before you, and you shall get a wife for my son from there. Gen. 24:7

Abraham’s confidence was based upon the importance of this matter, as well as the fact that it was in accordance with the LORD’s will. Furthermore, Abraham’s confidence was supported by the fact that he himself was setting a godly example. The servant reports Abraham’s testimony as follows, “[My master] said to me, the LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with you and make your journey successful.” (vs. 40).

Even in the face of uncertainty, there was still the determination to do God’s will and trust Him for His provision; we hear Abraham's servant say to Laban, "Now if you will deal kindly and faithfully with my master, tell me. And if not, tell me, so that I may turn to the right or to the left in pursuit of a wife for my master’s son" (vs. 49). If Rebekah’s family is unwilling to give her in marriage to Isaac, Abraham’s servant will continue his search among the other families of the area, (presumably Abraham’s more distant relatives).

Earlier, the servant had expressed some questions; he confesses to Laban: "I said to my master, Perhaps the woman will not follow me" (vs. 39). But Abraham had assured him of the LORD’s faithfulness; nevertheless, to ease his mind, Abraham also set a limit to the servant’s own personal responsibility:

⁴⁰the servant testifies,[My master] said to me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with you and make your journey successful. So shall you take a wife for my son from among my relatives, and from my father’s household. ⁴¹You shall be released from my oath if you come to my relatives and they refuse to give her to you, if that be the case you shall be released from my oath. vs. 40-41

Here is the second biblical guideline when choosing a spouse: Seek the LORD’s blessing.

As a young Christian man or woman, make the matter of a future spouse a matter of prayer. Be confident that the LORD will provide you with what is truly good. The LORD blessed Isaac with a truly desirable wife: Rebekah was physically attractive (vs. 16a) and very gracious, as seen by her ministering to the needs of Abraham's servant, his men, and his animals, providing them with food and drink.

The LORD granted Rebekah a choice in the matter, she was not forced to do what was against her will. Laban tells Abraham's servant, "We will call the young woman and ask her personally. ⁵⁸So they called Rebekah and asked her, Are you willing to go with this man? And she said, I am willing to go" (vs. 57-58). Also note Numbers 36:6, where we are told that Zelophehad’s daughters were free to marry whomever they thought best, (although, in their case, because of the law against transferring property from one tribe to another, they were restricted to marry within their own tribe, [cp. Num. 27:1-11]). Bear in mind the promise, and the conditions, presented in Psalm 84:11-12,

¹¹The LORD GOD is a sun and a shield; the LORD will give grace and glory. No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. ¹²O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

As Christian parents, having committed yourself to the LORD and to prayer, expect Him to be faithful to provide. Take confidence from Abraham's servant's testimony: "Blessed be the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his lovingkindness and his faithfulness to my master" (vs. 27). Expect Him to do so because of the importance of this matter for the spiritual welfare of your son/daughter, and because you are seeking what is in accordance with His commandment. Then, when He does provide the person of His choosing, accept His faithful provision. Recognize the fact that if your son/daughter is united in marriage to a committed Christian, that is the greatest blessing they can receive, far greater than material comfort or temporal “security.”

Conclusion←⤒🔗

The choosing of a spouse, a lifetime partner, is no small matter; it is of the utmost importance. If we are to be true to the LORD, like Abraham, we must be concerned that our sons/daughters choose spouses who belong to “the household of faith,” rather than from the unbelieving world at large. As Christian parents, we must lovingly urge our sons/daughters to be discriminating in their choice of a spouse and follow the guidelines of Scripture.

Discussion Questions←⤒🔗

1. Why do you think this passage contains such a lengthy account of the search to procure the right spouse for Isaac? How important is it to you to marry a Christian spouse? And that your children do the same? Comp. 1 Cor. 7:39b; see 2 Cor. 6:14a.

³⁹A wife is bound for as long as her husband lives; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married, [but] only in the Lord. 1 Cor. 7:39

^14aDo not be unequally yoked with unbelievers... 2 Cor. 6:14a

2. Why does Scripture warn the Christian to avoid becoming “unequally yoked” to an unbeliever? See 2 Cor. 6:14b-15 Do you appreciate the spiritual danger in entering into such an unholy relationship? Note 1 Cor. 15:33.

¹⁴Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship do righteousness and iniquity have with each other? Or what communion does light have with darkness? ¹⁵And what harmony does Christ have with Belial [the devil]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2 Cor. 6:14-15

³³Do not be deceived; bad company corrupts good morals.1 Cor. 15:33

3. Abraham, as the father of God’s people, the covenant nation of Israel, set an example for them to follow. Were they faithful to follow the example of their father Abraham? See, for instance, 1 Kgs. 11:1-4,9 and Neh. 13:27 Do you take Abraham’s example to heart, and the warning of what happened to Solomon? Does this lead you to pray on behalf of your children? How did Abraham’s servant approach the task of seeking a “Christian” wife for his master’s son? See Gen. 24:12 What else might you do for your children?

¹Now King Solomon loved many foreign women ²from the nations concerning which the LORD had told the children of Israel, You shall not associate with them, neither shall they associate with you; for they will surely turn your heart away to their gods. Solomon held on to them with love. ³...and his wives turned his heart away from the LORD. ⁴...his wives turned his heart away to other gods; thus his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father... ⁹And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel.1 Kgs. 11:1-4, 9

²⁷Must we hear now that you, too, are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women? Neh. 13:27

¹²And he said, O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, I beg you, please give me success today and show kindness to my master Abraham. Gen. 24:12

4. When the servant questions whether his mission might prove to be unsuccessful (Gen. 24:39), how does Abraham respond? See Gen. 24:40 Why was Abraham so confident? What kind of life was he living? Note the servant’s testimony in Gen. 24:40 Can you have a similar confidence with regard to the LORD’s provision for your children based on the Christian life you are living before them?

⁴⁰The servant testifies: he said to me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with you and make your journey successful. So shall you take a wife for my son from among my relatives, and from my father’s household. Gen. 24:40

5. When you consider a spouse for your children, what is your top priority: financial security, status, or a fellow Christian?