Introduction⤒🔗

It will not be often that friends begin with seven days of silence before trying to comfort (Job 2:13). No quick fixes, no cheap words — the friends take time to process what has happened to Job. Yet they are unable to comfort their friend. Humans prove difficult — or even miserable — comforters (Job 16:2)

The Need for Comfort and Comforters←⤒🔗

Anyone who moves around in the congregation as an office bearer will undoubtedly encounter situations in which people are looking for comfort. Sometimes the request for comfort expresses a deep longing (“I would so much like to experience comfort in my circumstances”). Sometimes it may sound more like a reproach (“why does this have to happen to me?”). Office bearers are called to comfort. It is explicitly stated in the task description of elders (art. 23 Church Order). It is an integral part of the pastoral task of the ministers (art. 16 C.O.). In the ministry of the deacons we realize that helping and encouraging where there is need (art. 25 C.O.) also contains an element of consolation. Hence the question: how do office bearers offer comfort? Of course this question does not mean to suggest that other people than those with a specific office would not provide comfort. My concern in this article is that office bearers have a special responsibility within the congregation. That is why I am focusing my thoughts on the office bearers, in the awareness that fortunately there are many others who support and comfort their neighbour both within and outside of the congregation.

Some Concepts to Take Note of←⤒🔗

In general, I assume that the need for comfort is connected with difficulties of life or faith. This also implies that comfort is a response to sorrow, suffering, pain, misery and other forms of difficulty.

In the Bible several words are used for comforting. I will limit myself to some of the main terms. In the Old Testament we encounter the Hebrew “nicham”. It expresses that there is the ability to breathe freely after a situation of distress. The prophet Isaiah portrays God as the Comforter of his people (Isa. 40). In addition to the image of the Shepherd (Isa. 40:11), the prophet uses the image of a mother (Isa. 66:13) for this purpose. In the New Testament, the Greek word “parakalein” is used primarily for “comforting”. It is striking that this Greek verb actually has two meanings: “to admonish” and “to comfort”. It is clear from this that consolation is not a passive cause for resignation. Nor does exhortation call for a blind form of discipline. Both aspects, admonition and consolation, are a tender encouragement to persevere in faith and prayer. The unity of exhortation and consolation is given with the gospel, which is both a gift and a given task. Recipients of consolation are all who experience trouble or sorrow: the sorrowful (Rom. 12:15), the sick and those who are imprisoned (Matt. 25:36, 43), widows and orphans (James 1:27). Comforters are the prophets (1 Cor. 14:3), Paul's fellow workers (Col. 4:11), and the brothers among themselves (Phil. 2:1). Above them all stands the Father of mercies, the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3).

Comfort Is Expressed in Various Ways←⤒🔗

The circumstances in which comfort is requested can vary: think of illness, mourning, disappointment, unfulfilled desires, loss, among others. The consolation that fits with each situation will also be different. In other words, comfort is not always and everywhere the same. A child can find comfort by crawling on his mother's lap. Some people may look for it in a very wrong way: in alcohol and/or drugs. Better comfort may be experienced through music and other art forms. Such consolation need not, in itself, have anything to do with the Christian faith. Nowadays, silent marches are held after violent crimes. Coming together at the scene of the crime, laying flowers and burning candles is also experienced as bringing comfort. Thus, people seek comfort in various ways and in different forms.

What Is the Core of Christian Comfort?←⤒🔗

This raises the question of the specifics of Christian comfort. In addition to the big picture I mentioned above, Christian comfort has everything to do with the person and the work of Christ. He himself is the Comforter of his disciples (John 16:7) and after he has died and risen he sends another Comforter: the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). In this way the constant nearness of Christ is guaranteed for the believers (see Matt. 28:20). In the service of Christ and of his Spirit, office bearers can serve as a link in the comfort that comes from God. This comfort can take various forms. Within the circle of family, relatives, and friends, an arm on the shoulder or an embrace can mean more than a thousand words. Office bearers need to be mindful of the danger of unwanted intimacy. They can show their presence in other ways.

Taking Matters Seriously←⤒🔗

The starting point in offering comfort is to take grief, pain and loss seriously. This is not easy, because it is easier to “pass by on the other side of the street” than to really take the distress of your neighbour to heart. A comforter does not try to deny the grief, but to take it seriously as something that is a genuine issue for the other person. Office bearers will attempt, together with the person who is seeking comfort, to discover what the closeness of Christ may mean in the circumstances with which someone is struggling. Sometimes this may also imply that a way has to be sought in matters of faith such as “Right now I no longer experience God in my life” and “How can God allow all these challenges in my life”. Rational answers will not help. Personal experiences of the office bearers (“I still experience that God is there”) do not come across at such moments, let alone covert accusations (“No wonder your faith life is so weak, I hardly ever see you in church”). Only when the other person feels that he or she is being taken seriously will there be room to look for a way out of the labyrinth of grief. That is why it is good to constantly check whether the other person really feels understood (“Did I understood correctly that this is what you said, or did you mean something else?”). By asking questions we can focus on what the message of the gospel means to the other person at that moment (“Have you ever read parts of the Bible that you found comforting?” and “What might the message of that time mean to you now?” or “When you do not experience God’s nearness, would you like us to pray for it together?”).

Being Near←⤒🔗

Taking the other person seriously in his or her grief requires focused attention, patience and time. In short: you need to go there as an office bearer. Real comfort is rarely achieved over the phone or in a fleeting encounter. Be there! And be diligent in this regard, giving evidence that the other person is important to you. There may be times when just being there is much appreciated, without using many words. Ministers do not come to visit with pastoral care without the Word. Because we believe that true comfort is deeply connected with Christ, he, as the living Word, must receive full attention. However, the nearness of Christ in his Word is not quite the same as reading a number of texts from the Bible. First we need to listen to the life and faith issues that are causing grief. Only when this is taken seriously is the way open to shedding light on it from Scripture. As a rule, genuine comfort is not drawn from dogmatic explanations. It is wiser for office bearers to bear witness at the right moment that God is comforting them, even when they least expect it. Furthermore, it can be indicated that sorrow, loss, suffering and pain may at times go so deep that people can no longer make sense of it (this only comes across honestly when there has been a real attempt to empathize with the other person), but that God knows people and that he knows us profoundly (Ps. 139), that he is faithful and that in Christ himself he has gone through the deepest places, so that we now have a High Priest who knows exactly what it means to be a human in a broken world (Heb. 4:15).

Comfort As a Portent of Hope←⤒🔗

Finally, we may point to the Holy Spirit as the Comforter who is never far away. He is present when the Word is opened and prayers are being said. The Spirit is given as a pledge or guarantee of future glory (2 Cor. 5:5), so that we will be able to endure in a world where that glory is often so painfully missed. It is good to emphasize that comforting is not the same as improved health, being successful, the removal of psychological pain, etc. Comfort can be experienced while suffering is still very real (2 Cor. 12:6-10). True comfort brings with it hope and a perspective on the renewal that has been promised (Rom. 8:18; Rev. 21:1-8). Meanwhile, it comes down to endurance, which is a link of the chain “suffering ➛ endurance ➛ character ➛ hope” (Rom. 5:3-5). The strength of this chain lies in the love of God that is poured out in the believers’ hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5). This will not disappoint office bearers and church members.